i have been frightened half out of my foolish wits

Kelly had known Cara for as long as he could remember, hell, they’d grown up together. She’d always been there for him, as he’d been there for her; maybe the fact that he ended up developing feelings for her was just how things were supposed to be. He never felt like he was left in the dark with her, no secrets -- which was something he couldn’t really say for his parents and siblings. He loved them, of course he did, he’d do anything for them. But he’d always felt somewhat left in the dark. Whenever he’d found old photos, little nicknacks from before he was born; he wasn’t supposed to ask, rarely got a satisfying answer.  He’d never had to worry about that with Cara. 

The gentle knock on the door could only mean one of two people; his mom, or Nell - they were just about the only people who didn’t knock like they were about to break someone’s door down. He wasn’t expecting either, but would welcome them with open arms - even if he’d just finished off the last of a bag of coke. Once again, he wasn’t exactly expecting anyone. 

@stxries​

“O-Oh, I don’t know about all that.” Being compared to their mother was, in Nell’s opinion, a massive compliment after all she’d been through. Steve wouldn’t agree with that, but… Well, that was another matter entirely to be dealt with another time. 

Her lips shook when her brother hinted none-too-subtly at Hill House, the wealth of so many secrets for once threatening to burst from the seams, despite the silent promise she and the others had made to keep Kelly out of it… He’d escaped the horrors of that time, and they’d all wanted to keep it that way. But it didn’t seem fair to keep the truth from him now. “Kells… .I-I don’t- I don’t know if I can…” Because not all of it was hers to tell. Steve might not have had a problem sharing everyone’s stories, but Nell didn’t think it was right for her to share the whole truth with Kelly. “… I don’t know if I should.” Wouldn’t that just make things worse? But here, in this diner, wasn’t the place to talk about that, with Kelly, or with anyone.

It was a relief when he dropped the subject as quickly as he’d brought it up; she didn’t have to figure out what she’d tell him when he inevitably asked her. Nell shifted her foot to rest on top of Kelly’s much larger one and tapped it gently. “Is wanting to see my baby brother not enough reason?” That wasn’t the only reason, though. “I just wanted to check in. And. . To be honest, I needed to get out of the house.” It wasn’t just about it being where she lost Arthur, not anymore. There were these thoughts and feelings that she didn’t want to dwell on, but knew she would if she was left alone. 

@tetigitpermortem​

Steven didn’t seem to agree on much as far as their collective mother was concerned. He thought she was crazy. He thought she suffered from mental illness and needed to be on medication. Hallucinations were what he called what she had said she ‘saw.’ Nothing more. Sometimes, for as good of a big brother he’d always been, regardless of his shortcomings, Kelly would have liked to knock him out cold for even thinking he could talk about their mother in the way he often spoke of her. Crazy, he called her. Often. And even to her face. And their mother, Olivia, was so kind and gentle and good natured, that she let him do it. She never got mad. She never even cared! She loved him the same…

He knew it wasn’t the time or the place to get into whatever had happened to the rest of his family at Hill House. What had really happened and not some figment Steve made up to sell some novels. It had been a bitter pill to swallow and he hadn’t even read the damn thing. He wasn’t there so he wouldn’t know right from wrong anyway, and according to some of the accounts as Theodora reported, were wrong or attributed to the wrong person. He couldn’t trust anything in that book as far as he could throw the damn thing; so he never went there. Kelly just…waited, biding his time until the moment was right enough to ask.

His eyes came back to hers as she talked about wanting to check in and he’d been about to selfishly regale her with some of his latest escapades when he heard her say she’d needed to get out of the house. It really hadn’t been that long since Arthur died, in retrospect. At a closer glance, she was still very much in the midst of grieving him; and she was all alone in that house. “You know you don’t have to stay there, right? I got an extra bedroom in my place on the Strand. In Oceanside. You could come down and stay for a while. If you like the feel and the vibe of the place you could even be my roomie if you wanted.” He wasn’t bullshitting her. He was being totally fucking serious. It wasn’t just because she was all alone there after losing her husband in the same house, in the same bedroom she closed her eyes at night to sleep. It wasn’t even about her being partially handicapped and needing some assistance ever now and again. He just…hated the thought of her being in her own head for that long, especially after the accident or ‘incident’ as Steve had coined it.

She didn’t tell him that there was no need for thanks; that she would always believe in him the same way she did Luke. Even if she didn’t need the gratitude, she appreciated it, and she knew that Kelly needed to say it. Nell worked her way into the booth, slowly easing herself down, and sighed at the tabletop once she was settled. She understood everyone’s concern, and she was grateful to have such caring siblings, but… She really wasn’t used to having so much attention on her. 

“Yeah, well… The arm’s a lot better. I’ve got most of the feeling back, and it only goes numb every once in a while, now. But. . My leg…” Nell bit her lips together for a moment as she mustered up the nerve to continue. “The doctor said I. . probably won’t ever heal completely. Same with my…” She gestured with one hand towards her neck. “Something about having to fuse vertebrae together or something,” she mumbled with a slight shake of her head. “But it’s okay. I mean. . It makes sense, right? The way I fell, everything that I broke– It’s a miracle I even survived, right?” Nell laughed sadly and glanced from Kelly to the window, and back again. 

“I guess that’s what I get for going back to that house,” she said softly. “I just– I thought. . I don’t know what I thought.” Nell shifted in her seat and stretched out her bad leg a bit. “It’s- It’s fine though, really, it’s– I probably won’t need to use the cane all the time, but it’s always going to– The doctor said I’ll always have the limp, so. . Yeah. That’s how I’m doing.” Well this wasn’t the conversation she’d planned on when she asked to meet him for lunch. 

@tetigitpermortem​

He eased his absurdly tall frame into the booth opposite her and picked up a menu, predominantly as something to fidget with and not at all to take his mind off of her and what she was telling him. It was in that moment, that she was talking about going back to that house and what had happened there when she had, that he wanted to ask the question. He had always wanted to ask it. He had, a lot, as a child. The fact that everyone had either kept the secret for this long or changed the narrative entirely so it fit some imagined novella of how things had transpired in an effort to keep him and the other kids safe, well, that was all over now. Wasn’t it? They weren’t kids anymore. He sure as Hell wasn’t.

It took him a few moments to speak as he absorbed what she told him. “I mean…that’s real good, Nellie. I’m proud of you. All the work you put in… You’re a fucking force of nature. Just like mom…” He was his mother’s constant guard dog. He was vigilant in his defense of the woman who, he had only ever known since having left that house behind a long time ago. She was loving and doting and a bit on the side of innocence, naïve somewhat, as well. She was a dreamer and the only thing keeping her two feet on the ground was gravity.

Nell stopped inside and shuffled around until she was facing him again. “Mom didn’t say anything… And neither did I, for that matter. I don’t judge Luke for what he does, and I’m not gonna judge you either. Okay?” She shuffled back around and made her way to the nearest empty booth. “And what do you mean, talk about me? I’m just fine,” she called with her head turned stiffly over her shoulder before she eased her way onto the bench. 

@tetigitpermortem​

He sobered and looked down at her seriously. He hadn’t really believed it would go down like that, but he felt compelled to ask. Was it some internal self judgement on his part? Perhaps. But it would fade soon enough. He nods once, pursing his lips as if to say ‘fair enough.’ “Yeah. I got you. Thanks, Nellie.” He smiles again but now it’s a bit more sorrowful. There was so much between them that they could never say. He was afraid to ask. Their own mother had been through years and years of therapy because she had done something horrible before he was even born. No one had even bothered telling him exactly what. No one talked about it. No one! Not even his oldest siblings who were always having irate conversations with Nell and Luke about their feelings and their beliefs about the shit that happened in that house. It was always vagaries and it was always bullshit. Although, he didn’t think Nell was lying that one time she mentioned a bent-neck lady and when Luke mentioned someone named Abigail, everyone in the room literally SHIT.

Nell patted her little (well, younger) brother’s arm as he passed her. “Oh, I know you’re not, buddy. But you do a good job of pretending to be.” She knew better than anyone the untapped potential Luke and Kelly had, how much they downplayed their own intelligence; she’d just never quite understood why. Moving forward with her cane, Nellie grinned up at him. “Well, what a gentleman you are. Guess we raised you right, after all, huh, big guy?” 

@tetigitpermortem​

“Might be? You’ve always been a bit of a brat, Kelly,” she teased with obvious fondness. It wasn’t much of a secret that, besides Luke, Kelly was her favorite sibling. She hauled herself up using his arms to balance herself, and kept holding on for another moment once she was upright till she had her cane in hand. “I don’t know about all that,” she dismissed, a little embarrassed. “But that’s very poetic. You planning on giving Stevie some competition for famous writer of the family?” 

@tetigitpermortem​

Nellie fought a smile as she held her cane up. “How about I whack you on the head a few times and show you how much strength I’ve got, you brat?” The little giggle that followed took away any impact the threat might have had–not that it would’ve been much to begin with, as Kelly had passed her in height at least a decade ago. “This butterfly’s got a bent wing, so are you gonna help me out or not?” 

@tetigitpermortem​

@tetigitpermortem​

“ No one ever told me that

                                    G R I E F

                                                 felt so like F e a r .”

                                                                        - C. S. Lewis

{{ an independent original character for the netflix original anthology series, the haunting of hill house. kelly nathaniel crain, the youngest of the now eight family members and the only crain to have not actually lived ( outside of his mother’s womb, anyway ) inside that house. an original character depiction as told by @silencexlayxsteadily and @stxries ( Morgan and Cara ). }}