Julien Enjolras

"I'm fine, R, honestly, stop worrying about me. It's just a simple stomach ache, nothing bad. I don't act like the world is about to end when you have a hangover, so stop it and don't give me that look!" Enjolras crossed his arms and looked at his boyfriend, challenging him to contradict. To be honest, he did feel under the weather, but not as bad as Grantaire thought it was. Right? Right.

Enjolras was still shivering violently despite the sweater and his coat. He knew Grantaire had cracked the heat up, but somehow, he couldn’t get warm. Which was odd, considering he was far too hot when he woke up in sweats earlier. He knew he had a fever, but he didn’t understand why. Everything was going too fast and he felt confused. 

Grantaire checked Enjolras in and led him to a chair. He wrapped his arms around him tightly, trying to warm him up. “I know, Enj, I know. Here, snuggle in. I’ll keep you warm.”  He looked around, hoping they’d call him back soon.

When Enjolras’ name was called, they’d been waiting for nearly an hour. Enjolras felt miserable and he was so tired. But at least cuddled up with Grantaire, he could find some warmth and safety. He hated to leave that, but he knew he had to if he wanted to see a doctor.

"I didn't mean to disappoint you." (Grantaire-R)

Ferre was about to set Enjolras down when a panicked nurse ran in. “It’s Jehan.” She huffed. “Calling for someone called Grantaire, he doesn’t stop- doesn’t recognise Chetta…”

Enjolras felt his heart sink when the nurse ran in telling them that Jehan was screaming for Grantaire. He couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t go through all of this again. What if Jehan did not recognize him and kept asking for Grantaire. Enjolras couldn’t give him Grantaire, no one could.

"They threw me out of the house," Enjolras admitted shamefully, tears shining in his eyes. He stood in front of Combeferre's doorstep, dripping from the rain and carried a small backpack with some stuff in it. "C-Can I stay with you?"

Combeferre nodded, “Of course I have.. you know I always loved working with you.” He squeezed his hand another little squeeze then, guiding Enjolras over to sit on a bench. “I know this years been awful, Enj.. but I promise you it will get better. I’ll make sure it does.”

Enjolras looked down at his feet, listening to his friend making promises and sacrifices all for him. He was touched, but also a little worried. It wasn’t Combeferre’s task to fix him. “I think it will get better too,” he said quietly, staring at the Law building once more. “But I have to do it myself… I need to stop being scared and ashamed of who I am. You can’t do that for me… You can help though.” 

Combeferre nodded, “It will, I promise… and I know you have to do this for yourself too, but I will be here to support you.” He smiled, “And whenever you need me to tell you that you are wonderful just the way you are. I will always be there to do that… and if it ever gets bad.. know that you can call me. Yeah?”

Enjolras blushed a little and ducked his head, smiling. “You are always allowed to tell me that,” he mumbled shyly. “I might have trouble believing it, but it’s always nice if people tell you that.” He reached out his hand and took that of his best friend, squeezing it briefly. “And I hope you know how wonderful I think you are.” 

“I know you have trouble believing it from time, but that’s why I’m here, non? Everytime you need a little reminder of how brilliant you are, I will be here to let you know.”‘

Enjolras chuckled softly, but he felt a comfortable warmth spread throughout his chest. The fact that Combeferre wouldn’t want anything to happen to him and was actually there to protect him whenever he needed it, was more than Enjolras could wish for. “Thanks ‘Ferre,” he said quietly, “And I guess they should all watch their backs if that happens. I’ve seen your wrath and I doubt they want to be confronted with it.” 

“Hey now, You know I would never let anyone do something to hurt you, and I still won’t.” He chuckled, “I promise, I will take care of if if anything happens.”

They walked a little further and Enjolras made sure to look around. Inside though, he was thinking about a lot of things. About his past, about the future, about his parents. A lot had happened in just one year and sometimes it was hard to understand how fast things could change. 

With a strength he didn't knew he possessed, Enjolras pushed himself up from the ground of his prison cell and followed the police officer out of the prison. His legs trembled and his back ached terribly from the multiple whippings he had suffered after his arrest. Once the piercing cold of the winter wind touched his skin, Enjolras looked up and felt an immense relief at seeing his best friend waiting for him.

“I know it still feels weird, Enj, but you’re going to be fine.. it’s not been long at all and you’re already feeling a little better.. Right?” Combeferre offered a little smile. “And believe it or not, talking about it and accepting what happened will only help in the long run.”

He nodded in understanding, he didn’t want to force Enjolras to talk and cause him to start panicking. “Hey, don’t worry about it, alright?” Combeferre looked up to meet his gaze. “We don’t have to talk about it right now, okay?”

“I know, Enj, and we don’t have to talk about it right now… just whenever you’re ready. Yeah? We can do this when you’re feeling comfortable with talking about what happened.”

Enjolras nodded. Whenever he was ready. He could do that… He wasn’t afraid of talking about it, especially not with Combeferre. But he didn’t want to bring it all back up again. Not when he had the option to push it to the back of his mind. “Alright, I’ll do that… I promise,” Enjolras said softly, glancing up at his friend with a small smile.

Combeferre knew that it likely wasn’t the idea of talking about it that was going to upset Enjolras, it would be the repercussions of such; having to almost relive the situation in memory in order to explain.

“I know you can take care of yourself,” Enjolras replied softly, “But I also know that you tend to forget yourself when you’re worrying about others. We’re not that different, you and I… It’s just that I forget basic things like eating or sleeping, but you forget other things like going on dates or watching that tv program you wanted to see.” Enjolras smiled, squeezing Combeferre’s hand in return. “But I like the idea of us taking care of each other. We’ll look out for each other.. we’ve always done that, havent’ we?”

“Well, we’ll look out for each other. Just like we always have, hm? But you know that I do want to take care of you - and being able to do that does make me happy, more so than any tv show or anything of the sort.” He chuckled, taking another bite of his own plate of pasta.

Enjolras laughed softly and shrugged his shoulder. He knew he meant more to Combeferre than any tv show or whatever. That was not entirely his point, but he was sure his friend knew what he was talking about and they were agreed on that point. Both of them would look out for each other. They were going to be okay.

Combeferre smiled, “Well, I’m glad either way.. you’ve eaten something and whether you ate a lot or a little, it’s still something in your system.” He chuckled, “And the fact that you enjoyed it, even if you didn’t really feel hungry before is a bonus, right?”

“I’m glad that you’re eating well at least, I mean I would make sure that you ate something, of course, but you managed a whole plate - that’s good, considering you didn’t feel like eating earlier. Non? He smiled, “It’ll make you feel a lot better too, I’m sure.”

“I’m glad I’m eating as well… I’m a bit surprised that I’m able to stomach it all since I hadn’t really had anything for a week, but so far so good.” Enjolras smiled up at him. “And it does make me feel better, you’re right. I feel more awake… and maybe a little stronger too.” 

Combeferre smiled at that, glad that Enjolras was actually benefiting physically as well as mentally from having something substantial to eat. “Well, I’ll be careful not to make things that would be too heavy for you for a little while, but you’re doing well.”

“Yeah, sure… maybe that’s wise,” Enjolras replied, shuffling his way into the living room and sitting down on the sofa. It still bothered him that he couldn’t just lean backwards and actually lounge in the couch, but he tried not to think about it too much. “I guess you know better than me what I can and can not do or when I need to take it easy. You’ve always done that, right.” Enjolras smiled.

“Right.” He agreed with a chuckle. “Honest though, I will have you back on your feet in no time. You just need to be careful and give your body a chance to recover.”

“I will, I promise,” Enjolras agreed. He knew it was no use to push himself now. “I know that if I don’t I’ll be right back at the beginning and I don’t want that. I want to get better ‘Ferre and I’ll listen to your advice and try not to be stubborn about it.” 

A loud, regular beep and a tight grip on his hand woke Courfeyrac up from his sleep. Taking a second to take in his surroundings when he saw Enjolras at his side, gripping his hand, and seeingly crying. "Enjolras...?" He asked, voice hoarse. "What hap- oh..." (courfeyracapaladin)

“Good,” Enjolras said, firm despite the tears falling from his eyes. “You need to remember that. And whenever you feel horrible again, you need to think of that. Of how much we love you and how much you mean to us. Don’t ever forget it, Courf. Please…”

Combeferre took the chart from Courfeyrac’s bed and read the file, frowning slightly. “You’re on quite a bit,” he said slowly, looking back up at his friend. “You’re allowed a small dose of morphine on top of this, but only if the pain is really bad. I don’t think a throbbing qualifies, but let us know as soon as it starts hurting more, yeah? We’ll get a nurse.”

He nodded slowly, not really feeling the effect of the painkillers but at the same time not feeling any pain, so they had to be working. “Okay, I’ll be fine for a while but thank you. I’m probably already on suicide watch, I don’t want them thinking I’m trying to take a load of drugs as well.” He joked, however pausing slightly when he heard how dark the joke sounded.

“Y-Yeah… of course, I’ll tell them that,” Enjolras said hastily, suddenly in a hurry to leave the room. “I’ll make sure they know, though I think they already do.” 

"I'm fine, R, honestly, stop worrying about me. It's just a simple stomach ache, nothing bad. I don't act like the world is about to end when you have a hangover, so stop it and don't give me that look!" Enjolras crossed his arms and looked at his boyfriend, challenging him to contradict. To be honest, he did feel under the weather, but not as bad as Grantaire thought it was. Right? Right.

Enjolras shivered as he stood on trembling legs. He obediently followed Grantaire’s instructions as the man dressed him, but his eyelids were heavy and it was very hard to keep them open. At least they weren’t going to a hospital, that was good. But why was Grantaire so scared? Should Enjolras be scared too?

Grantaire helped him into the car and fastened his seat belt for him. He folded up a blanket and put it between Enjolras’ head and the door. “Sleep if you need to, okay?” he climbed into the driver’s seat and set off.

Enjolras was still shivering violently despite the sweater and his coat. He knew Grantaire had cracked the heat up, but somehow, he couldn’t get warm. Which was odd, considering he was far too hot when he woke up in sweats earlier. He knew he had a fever, but he didn’t understand why. Everything was going too fast and he felt confused. 

"I didn't mean to disappoint you." (Grantaire-R)

"They threw me out of the house," Enjolras admitted shamefully, tears shining in his eyes. He stood in front of Combeferre's doorstep, dripping from the rain and carried a small backpack with some stuff in it. "C-Can I stay with you?"

Combeferre nodded, “Of course I have.. you know I always loved working with you.” He squeezed his hand another little squeeze then, guiding Enjolras over to sit on a bench. “I know this years been awful, Enj.. but I promise you it will get better. I’ll make sure it does.”

Enjolras looked down at his feet, listening to his friend making promises and sacrifices all for him. He was touched, but also a little worried. It wasn’t Combeferre’s task to fix him. “I think it will get better too,” he said quietly, staring at the Law building once more. “But I have to do it myself… I need to stop being scared and ashamed of who I am. You can’t do that for me… You can help though.” 

Combeferre nodded, “It will, I promise… and I know you have to do this for yourself too, but I will be here to support you.” He smiled, “And whenever you need me to tell you that you are wonderful just the way you are. I will always be there to do that… and if it ever gets bad.. know that you can call me. Yeah?”

Enjolras blushed a little and ducked his head, smiling. “You are always allowed to tell me that,” he mumbled shyly. “I might have trouble believing it, but it’s always nice if people tell you that.” He reached out his hand and took that of his best friend, squeezing it briefly. “And I hope you know how wonderful I think you are.” 

“I know you have trouble believing it from time, but that’s why I’m here, non? Everytime you need a little reminder of how brilliant you are, I will be here to let you know.”‘

Enjolras chuckled softly, but he felt a comfortable warmth spread throughout his chest. The fact that Combeferre wouldn’t want anything to happen to him and was actually there to protect him whenever he needed it, was more than Enjolras could wish for. “Thanks ‘Ferre,” he said quietly, “And I guess they should all watch their backs if that happens. I’ve seen your wrath and I doubt they want to be confronted with it.” 

With a strength he didn't knew he possessed, Enjolras pushed himself up from the ground of his prison cell and followed the police officer out of the prison. His legs trembled and his back ached terribly from the multiple whippings he had suffered after his arrest. Once the piercing cold of the winter wind touched his skin, Enjolras looked up and felt an immense relief at seeing his best friend waiting for him.

“I know it still feels weird, Enj, but you’re going to be fine.. it’s not been long at all and you’re already feeling a little better.. Right?” Combeferre offered a little smile. “And believe it or not, talking about it and accepting what happened will only help in the long run.”

He nodded in understanding, he didn’t want to force Enjolras to talk and cause him to start panicking. “Hey, don’t worry about it, alright?” Combeferre looked up to meet his gaze. “We don’t have to talk about it right now, okay?”

“I know, Enj, and we don’t have to talk about it right now… just whenever you’re ready. Yeah? We can do this when you’re feeling comfortable with talking about what happened.”

Enjolras nodded. Whenever he was ready. He could do that… He wasn’t afraid of talking about it, especially not with Combeferre. But he didn’t want to bring it all back up again. Not when he had the option to push it to the back of his mind. “Alright, I’ll do that… I promise,” Enjolras said softly, glancing up at his friend with a small smile.

Combeferre knew that it likely wasn’t the idea of talking about it that was going to upset Enjolras, it would be the repercussions of such; having to almost relive the situation in memory in order to explain.

“I know you can take care of yourself,” Enjolras replied softly, “But I also know that you tend to forget yourself when you’re worrying about others. We’re not that different, you and I… It’s just that I forget basic things like eating or sleeping, but you forget other things like going on dates or watching that tv program you wanted to see.” Enjolras smiled, squeezing Combeferre’s hand in return. “But I like the idea of us taking care of each other. We’ll look out for each other.. we’ve always done that, havent’ we?”

“Well, we’ll look out for each other. Just like we always have, hm? But you know that I do want to take care of you - and being able to do that does make me happy, more so than any tv show or anything of the sort.” He chuckled, taking another bite of his own plate of pasta.

Enjolras laughed softly and shrugged his shoulder. He knew he meant more to Combeferre than any tv show or whatever. That was not entirely his point, but he was sure his friend knew what he was talking about and they were agreed on that point. Both of them would look out for each other. They were going to be okay.

Combeferre smiled, “Well, I’m glad either way.. you’ve eaten something and whether you ate a lot or a little, it’s still something in your system.” He chuckled, “And the fact that you enjoyed it, even if you didn’t really feel hungry before is a bonus, right?”

“I’m glad that you’re eating well at least, I mean I would make sure that you ate something, of course, but you managed a whole plate - that’s good, considering you didn’t feel like eating earlier. Non? He smiled, “It’ll make you feel a lot better too, I’m sure.”

“I’m glad I’m eating as well… I’m a bit surprised that I’m able to stomach it all since I hadn’t really had anything for a week, but so far so good.” Enjolras smiled up at him. “And it does make me feel better, you’re right. I feel more awake… and maybe a little stronger too.” 

Combeferre smiled at that, glad that Enjolras was actually benefiting physically as well as mentally from having something substantial to eat. “Well, I’ll be careful not to make things that would be too heavy for you for a little while, but you’re doing well.”

“Yeah, sure... maybe that’s wise,” Enjolras replied, shuffling his way into the living room and sitting down on the sofa. It still bothered him that he couldn’t just lean backwards and actually lounge in the couch, but he tried not to think about it too much. “I guess you know better than me what I can and can not do or when I need to take it easy. You’ve always done that, right.” Enjolras smiled.

He wrapped an arm around his head and caressed his hair, brushing away the stray locks. “Shh… Trying is good. Trying is very very good and I’m so proud of you, dearest, so proud–” with a gentle hum, he picked the other up effortlessly and took to bouncing him around like a child.

Enjolras allowed Combeferre’s calming voice to sooth his rapid heartbeat. He took deep breaths and finally, he was able to stop the constant stream of tears. He felt safe in Combeferre’s arms. Much safer than he had in such a long time. He wished he could stay there forever, but that wouldn’t be fair. Combeferre wouldn’t want to take care of him like he was a child. 

Enjolras stares at himself in his mirror. He's wearing a black suit, his hair is combed back and Combeferre's watch feels secure around his wrist. Today it's been a year since his best friend's funeral. Combeferre's parents arranged a get-together-diner dedicated to their son. All the Amis are invited. Enjolras doesn't look forward to it. A year may have passed, but the pain never went away. Every day was a struggle. "Courf?" He calls from his bedroom. "You ready to go?"

je-isforfrance:

Enjolras bit his lip and kept silent as he listened to Courfeyrac talk. He knew that, back then, his struggles had helped his friend to keep it all together. And he understood that in Courfeyrac’s eyes, that might look like a good thing, but in the long run it hadn’t done that much good at all. If Enjolras hadn’t leaned on his friend that much, then Courfeyrac would have been forced to face his grief much earlier and he might be doing better right now. Enjolras couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for it, no matter how much his friend would tell him that wasn’t necessary. It was wrong of him to put all those problems on his friend when he himself was also falling apart. 

A loud, regular beep and a tight grip on his hand woke Courfeyrac up from his sleep. Taking a second to take in his surroundings when he saw Enjolras at his side, gripping his hand, and seeingly crying. "Enjolras...?" He asked, voice hoarse. "What hap- oh..." (courfeyracapaladin)

“Good,” Enjolras said, firm despite the tears falling from his eyes. “You need to remember that. And whenever you feel horrible again, you need to think of that. Of how much we love you and how much you mean to us. Don’t ever forget it, Courf. Please…”

Combeferre took the chart from Courfeyrac’s bed and read the file, frowning slightly. “You’re on quite a bit,” he said slowly, looking back up at his friend. “You’re allowed a small dose of morphine on top of this, but only if the pain is really bad. I don’t think a throbbing qualifies, but let us know as soon as it starts hurting more, yeah? We’ll get a nurse.”

He nodded slowly, not really feeling the effect of the painkillers but at the same time not feeling any pain, so they had to be working. “Okay, I’ll be fine for a while but thank you. I’m probably already on suicide watch, I don’t want them thinking I’m trying to take a load of drugs as well.” He joked, however pausing slightly when he heard how dark the joke sounded.

“Y-Yeah... of course, I’ll tell them that,” Enjolras said hastily, suddenly in a hurry to leave the room. “I’ll make sure they know, though I think they already do.” 

"I'm fine, R, honestly, stop worrying about me. It's just a simple stomach ache, nothing bad. I don't act like the world is about to end when you have a hangover, so stop it and don't give me that look!" Enjolras crossed his arms and looked at his boyfriend, challenging him to contradict. To be honest, he did feel under the weather, but not as bad as Grantaire thought it was. Right? Right.

Grantaire shook his head, “No, we’ll go to the urgent care center, since the doctor is closed.  We won’t go to the hospital unless they say you have to.” he finished getting himself ready, then helped Enjolras slip into sock and shoes.

Enjolras shivered as he stood on trembling legs. He obediently followed Grantaire’s instructions as the man dressed him, but his eyelids were heavy and it was very hard to keep them open. At least they weren’t going to a hospital, that was good. But why was Grantaire so scared? Should Enjolras be scared too?

"I didn't mean to disappoint you." (Grantaire-R)

The man nodded and rested his chin on top of his friend’s head, unable to say much for a long time. He sighed, eventually, and kissed the top of his head. “Darling, you need to look after yourself more. Have something to eat or wash your face and brush your hair. And sleep. Definitely sleep.”

Enjolras felt a guilty blush creep up his cheeks and he buried his face further away in Combeferre’s chest. He knew he wasn’t taking care of himself and he hated burdening his friends. It was just hard to take care of yourself when you didn’t care about yourself at all. “I’m trying,” Enjolras whispered finally, hoping to take some of the worry away.