throwing up is like so traumatic it literally feels like your face is being pulled from your skull. no anesthesia browbone reduction where they peel half your face down... i have broken capillaries around my eyes like does it have to be so violent. and then it's like okay all done yay ❤️ and i'm supposed to just go back to eating and drinking like nothing happened wtf

headache so bad i frew up 😐 normally i know how to stop myself from getting sick and it worked for a bit but then it didn’t… i still feel so sweaty and nervous so i took half a xanax and meclizine too just in case lol 🥲 for some reason zofran doesn’t seem to work for this kind of nausea. i hope i can fall asleep now

i'm the heaviest i've ever been and i don't really care because everything pretty much fits me still except for my pantiessss which pisses me off. i don't want to have to buy more shit. i guess it was inevitable but i barely grew at all after high school so i felt like i'd be a size 4 forever. i guess i'm hitting MANopause

wait i'm also remembering when i was 18 and my mom found my tumblr somehow. it was probably because i had posted my instagram username before or something so when she googled that name it must've shown my tumblr in the results. i'm horrified to think of what she saw. maybe she started snooping even earlier but the reason i found out about it is because she confronted me about a picture i posted of like $200 something in cash and she was like "where'd you get this money." i told her it was my friend's which was true but not that she got it from prostitution lol. and i still have never changed my tumblr url so she could hypothetically have kept lurking for years. but again i'm bad about choosing names so i don't even know what i would change to. even if i do change it maybe she made an account and followed me so she would still know it's me. the answer then is remaking but i don't want to deal with finding mutuals. even though everything i post gets 0 notes

i'm gonna be living close to my lesbian cousin and i feel like obligated to interact once i'm there but i don't know what she's like. of course the simple solution is to find out but i would so much rather avoid anything having to do with biological family even if they're like woke. i have a feeling she's just like corporate gay and i have even less of a grasp or interest in the lesbian equivalent of that 💀 tbh it reminds me of the bisexual guy/lesbian like jesse & james ass duo that started (and abandoned) a gay/straight alliance at my high school during my freshman year/their senior year. i think they just wanted a leadership role to put on their college applications and it worked cause they both went to UF and then became lawyers. but being around functional gay people is so removed from the tranny burnout gutter that i'm in so i just don't feel like there's much of a point in engaging

i feel less comfortable being naked af outside compared to when i was younger although it’s like physically impossible to not die of heatstroke unless you’re naked af