Dying Art

Feins.

I wrote this poem today.

They’re all pretty empty

As I sit on this balcony overlooking the sea

In some abandoned condo of the grandparents of a desperate white girl who longs to be seen as minority The infection of the extrovert begins to overtake me.

I fight this sickness in each moment,

Trying to focus hard on the sound of the waves as I fight through endless cold spells of what zodiac sign the weekend is or what do I think of the main character in euphorias hair-pox.

Both questions somehow were rhetorical.

I try to be fascinated by her unlimited powers of articulation, coupled with her own strong lack of lexicon. I try to find comfort in her deep brown eyes, and join her at the surface. But I can’t. My own mind won’t allow me to anything but nod along as I struggle with this unique virus. I’m in her world and it’s obvious.

I look to her and scrape the catacombs of her mind for any trace of depth so that I may connect and every attempt leads to furrowed brows, confusion, and aquiesce. As a last ditch effort for resonance, I sought answers to the divine paradox of how did I even get here.

Or was I even there?

Maybe I was a ghost and instead of sending books off the shelf I could only haunt her with nodding along and saying okay every 5 to 10 seconds.

I grab my shovel and dig deeper and deeper until I see the infinite tunnel with no light at the end. Perilous exhaustion caused me to collapse in the form of, I have to use the restroom.

I Turn the sink on and look at the mirror.

It began to dawn on me they’re all pretty

Pretty, Empty.

Beautiful ornaments like the shells that adorn the beach but loud as the waves crashing against the shore.

What a fatal combination.

Found god today. So cool.

I was going to see these waterfalls but there was something special about this specific view. Something like biblical. It was dope. Inspiring. Something I’d dream about when I was stuck in that dusty forest green cubicle. Free as can be. Thank you universe.

Empty bottles. A room full of stories, stories we’ll never hear. I think it should be a rule that once you finish a bottle of alcohol you leave a memoir of the moment that was fueled by it. I didn’t know there was this much drinking in the world. How beautiful.

Last night I was talking with my travel guide and we had a great discussion about the morality of vegans, the nature of altruism’s effect on the worlds fate, and ultimately the question of unconditional love’s existence.

She said that to eat meat is wrong because we don’t need to eat meat and harm animals. To which I’d reply why? She replied because animals are sentient emotional creatures we should go to the main source of which they get their energy; plants. Her argument, we don’t need to eat animals, it’s immoral to eat animals so we should not eat animals.

To which I asked are plants not sentient? Are plants not alive? Do they not communicate with each other? Do they not reproduce? I called out the bias immediately. What about the nature of the human being has ever been purely based on intrinsic needs.

Plants get their energy from the sun, the sun is the ultimate source. I said if it’s her life mission to make sure that animals don’t suffer, she should find a way to sip directly from the burning ball of gas that keeps us from freezing over.

She then stated it is not healthy to eat meat more than once a week.

To which I silently paused. Maybe she’s right. But what do we eat that is wholesomely healthy in western society in general? Everything has carcinogens that we buy off the shelf, and I for one am buying off the shelf. Farming is quite the lifes purpose, and I am the antithesis as a domesticated human after all. Plants and animals alike, are experimented on, sprayed with pesticides, genetically modified and put on sale to the hungriest white girl in ponce city market with the words organic in bold, reassuring font.

To live off of what we need only is to deny ourselves the gift of abundance. The universe is infinite, and nothing is permanent. We will be eaten much the same as we have done to countless herds of cattle such is the revolving way of the world. Be grateful for now.

This lead to the conversation of altruism. If they’re not going to stop eating meat, if they’re not going to stop massively slaughtering animals, the least I can do is to not be apart of the problem. To which I agreed. To be righteous and the change you wish to see in the world is great even if it doesn’t even move the needle at all. You serve as a source of inspiration a catalyst in change no matter how minor. However, the devil in me couldn’t help but to indulge the aspect of not being apart of the problem. You as a human cannot half step a life’s purpose. Are you to abstain from flights and driving cars to reduce Co2 emissions? Are you to refuse dining in because they are one of the main clients to slaughterhouse farms? Are you to go live in the forest and return to the Paleolithic ways of our ancestors, whilst also being altruistic enough to not harm any being with animal cells? Except the ones that invade your giant mega castle and buzz around your ears. They are to be executed on sight! The nature of life is an energetic exchange. There is no problem that you are apart of, and there is no problem. Humans are as much as an invasive species as the species we move around to each land. We pave the roads that smother the earths surface, we cut the grass that yearns to grow wild and free. We strangle and subdue the planet because we are taught to believe we have dominion over all life. So to say, enjoy the ride because one day the truth of one is all and all is one will be upon you.

I will address the mythical existence of unconditional love later, as that conversation was dense enough to drastically change my mood for the remainder of the night.