Eat cops, fuck Isreal

call me easily amused but i still think it's so funny to go "who said that" after saying something wildly horny

"It is what it is" I say as I almost vomit from anxiety

We need a hooters for fat men

hey don't know if you knew this but op of that post you just reblogged is actually an ouppy dog :/ yeah with paws. and floppy ears yeah

"Are you ok?" I'm actually tired bro. From the bottom of my heart I'm tired

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

Then bring me luck

the day after I posted this last time I was notified that I was selected for a really cool mentorship gig and got an unrelated glowing review at work

Okay currently waiting on the good luck but um will it hurt if I try to bite the potato bc it looks like gold but also that only makes me want to bite it more

holding this tightly

adult life is truly just thinking “I NEED TO CLEAN” while dealing with the 17 other things that have a hard deadline

btw if you tell me something and i reply with “oh???” that’s the equivalent of a dog’s ears perking up