𝒂𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕

zayn: i'm glad, really glad. you deserve happiness :) i know, i know. i didn't think she was either. she's good at being manipulative though, that's how i fell into her trap. yh, well i suppose i just hate confrontation. it's easier this way.

zayn: oh wow! that's pretty cool. i would try it...but i'm such a wimp when it comes to my skin pruning. yh that's a great way of thinking about it. u should def be a motivational speaker.

zayn: ...i'd say it's your first best then. KIDDING!! u're a great actor, man. always a pleasure to see on the screen.

dylan: thanks , man . you deserve it too y'know , regardless of your past or anything . oof , i can believe it . she was always bitchy whenever i was around her , so i never got a good vibe . i need to be more like you bc i would've went IN on her ass :/

dylan: it's okay , this can be a new partnership for us . you think of things you wanna see , i'll do it for you instead . like... how many licks does it truly take to get to the center of a tootsie pop ? nah , that's not for me . i have my moments of pessimism that'll hinder me

SOFIA: damn, they must really love their bread. SOFIA: …sure. let’s say it does so you feel better :) SOFIA: honestly, i’d be a terrible teacher if i had kids rn. SOFIA: i don’t remember shit from high school and would probably have to google answers.

          that’s not a fair comparison and you know it ! you don’t just give people pets like that , dyldo ! remember when khloe bought north that hamster without asking kim ? it’s just like THAT . mmhm , that’s you , baby . the sexiest man in the whole fucking world . how dare you ! am i not allowed to compliment my man when i want to ? maybe we’re too easy . she has us f i g u r e d out . we need to switch things up on her and fast . wow . do you really think that’s something the world is ready for ? kendall the movie star ? no , definitely . i’m really PROUD that you’re being more expression with how you feel . it’s your truth in that moment and i think you’re really brave for just owning that , baby . but daddy ! i deserve a hint ! are you really going to go and deprive your innocent , loving , adoring wife like that ? oh , so you W A N T to get me in front of your camera again , do you ? we’ll see if you earn it . yes , but … i miss you cumming inside me . i need birth control stat because this is not working for me . oh , that’s funny . because she was just HERE , dropping off a homemade cheesecake that i’m going to eat all of and offer none to dyldo . 

𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐈𝐀: you’re a great son! grocery runs are important af. 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐈𝐀: what else is there to do, really? it’s weird having so much free time. 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐈𝐀: aw, well at least you get to spend time with the kiddos! is her homework testing your memory and old abilities yet?

         you want to get her teacher … a cat ? i mean , sure , we can do that , but that’s insanely random , dyldo . i was thinking like , a new car or gas for a year or something along THOSE lines . you’re pretty , too . actually , wait , that doesn’t even do you justice . you’re sexy as F U C K . because i said so , that’s why ! it’s only a little piece of chocolate ! she’s too sassy without bribery , she knows if she starts to cry then i will too ! deal . it can be my blockbuster debut . i think the world is collectively experiencing the same thing , baby . but i’m PROUD of you for being more open . you know how bad it can get when you keep it all inside . mm , can you really ? mind sharing a few of these ideas ? oh . well , in that case , i should probably d i s c l o s e that candlelight makes me pretty wet . you get extra kisses . i know but now you have to ! no more babies until hayden is … ten ! okay , that’s dramatic , but you know what i mean . i bet it’s indie . or bandit . 

zayn: shit, wow. i'm sorry to hear that mate. but at least ur happy now hey? well actually it was a bit of karma. found out she'd been non-stop texting guys behind my back. sleeping with them. so yeah. i figured there was no point having bad blood tho. so tryna be civil. yh, maybe. who knows?

zayn: i'm definitely doing it!! i know, it's the only shit thing about baths. i'd be in a bath every second i could if i didn't prune up too much. i give myself one, i'm too much of a child myself tbh. it's awful. aww cheers mate, appreciate that.

zayn: see? passive aggressiveness, i love that. keep that upp.

dylan: it's all good , i'm over that kind of trauma . absolutely ! i'm the happiest i've ever been :) oh shit , really ? what's crazy is that she doesn't even look like the kind of person to do that , that's fucked up . you're a good man for even wanting to be civil with her , i would've been petty as hell

dylan: one time i tried seeing how long i'd last in a tub before the pruning gets too much , i'd say a good two hours :/ it's not awful ! it means you still have that cheerful spirit to you , man , giving yourself a bubble beard is a lifestyle not many can embrace .

@Louis_Tomlinson: essentially everyone i guess. i just am having a hard time with this whole being alone thing. but it is what it is i guess.

@Louis_Tomlinson: i mean i'd like to believe that but i just hardly feel like it as of lately. all i'm doing is being lied to, pushed to the side and it's just making me want to turn off my phone and avoid literally everyone.

@Louis_Tomlinson: just kinda really thinking about my worth based on certain people. not really good shit, y'know ??

            that’s still way more work that i ever signed up for . we’re giving gia’s teacher a MASSIVE gift . she deserves it . we aren’t , baby … we’re just meant to be pretty . let’s hope our lil ones step up to the intellectual plate . but you get to teach the math unit ! is it … bad that i’ve been bribing her with chocolate for every three questions she finishes ? wow . if we weren’t already married , i’d propose to you myself right n o w , daddy . i love it when you’re sassy , are you kidding me ? you say how you FEEL , which is something a lot more people should be doing . mhm , anything for you baby . you’re in charge of this photoshoot . you better start thinking of the p o s e s you want me to do for you . candles too ? are you sure you’re not trying to seduce me , mr . o’brien ? i guess i’ll just have to settle with kissing you normally — however will i survive ? i am . you haven’t had to pull out in YEARS . i’ll be offended if i get pregnant ! don’t make me bring out the dildo , dyldo ! oh yeah , who are you gonna tell ? indie ?

@Louis_Tomlinson: i'll be honest, i'm doing kinda terrible but .. what's to be expected with all this alone time hahaha