Dungeons & games

Dm: And as thanks for killing the necromancer you may own the land she was corrupting. Me (druid whose whole purpose was to have a forest of his own): So the hundreds of miles of forrest? Dm: Yea why? Me: Ok well I'm going that way, I'll go ahead and start teaching new druids there. Rest of party: Wait, what about the potential dragon? Me: Not my forest not my problem, I'm out. Dm:..... um... role a new character I guess

Dm: And here comes the boss battle. Me: I drop a tree on it. Dm: oh... um... its dead

Dm: and out of the shadows you see a 7 headed hydra. Me (druid): *As I shift into and eagle and fly away* Nope, bye! Rest of the party: WTF!

We were returning to our home continent after sailing to the wrong island. After first picking up a new party member (his first time playing dnd and hasn't had an encounter yet), we were sailing towards the docks of the gnome settlement. Dm (me): you see whats left of the gnome barbarian nation battling the magic resistant constructs. Yaz (new guy): Ram the beach! Fuck the boat I wanna fight something! Rane (the healer): .....or not..

"You see a nude eunuch human tied up by the barbarian gnomes..." and "you aproach a small person screaming 'let me conquer you' and flailing a small axe" are my two new favorite character introductions.

I'm at the point in fallout were everytime I head south I hit the whole dang kingdom of mirelurks. First the king, then the queen, then all of the peasant mirelurks. That or the rogue nation of death claws that are behind every rock or tree.

Why is it that the only npc's my players care about are mentally challenged?

I finally made a character my players care about. The exiled, slower than normal, gnome barbarian with little man complex named mal.

What the heck wolf shaman? First you make me drink the blood of my enemies. Then you throw in some eyeballs. And then as soon as I grab some mask for him, he pees on it and makes me wear it. I'm starting to suspect you are just making me do gross stuff and telling the rest of the village to play along.

Is it bad that i know people who act just like Urki from farcry? He is basically the frat boy who yells "bro hold my beer" before he jumps off somewhere high. In the end he is still my favorite though.

The beast master is going to be the next best tittle since dovakin.

The half celestial of the party walked into the woods to scout ahead and cast detect evil. It was probably not the best way to find out everyone else was playing an evil campaign.

If fallout has taught me anything, it's that confidence is just a barfight away.

So my second time DMing ever I had a monk jump into an army of thousands because she want to run along their heads to the main boss. She fell as soon as she jumped into them so it didn't work out well...