Dumb Monologue

As a fresh graduate, there’s something haunting my mind, or possibly it also happens to my friends. It’s like there is chaos inside my mind. 

I say to myself: “Welcome to the real life, Yesha! You are not kid anymore. It’s not only about age, but also about your new phase of life. You just enter the phase where most people say money is number one target. You have to realize that there are big responsibilities right 5 centimeters in front of your eyes. Those are not only for your family, your institution, or even your society but the biggest is for yourself. You have to realize that you’ve become an employee, not a student anymore. You can’t depend on anyone else, specifically your parents anymore. You may earn more than you used to (in form of money), but there are a lot of things to do alone. You start to pay tax by yourself, arrange your wage wisely, enroll or make some identifications not in the name of your parents anymore, invest your wage in something beneficial for your future, start to thinking about getting married, etc i cant explain one by one. To be honest, to me those sound scary but that’s life, isn’t it?

The phase of working life begins either you are ready or not. But still you’d better be ready. That’s not just energy that you spend your most of the time in working and pursuing money, but despite of that, you enter the phase where all the decisions are up to you. You are the only one decision maker of your life. You decide whether your future is going to be bright or dark. Besides, you need to take care all the important things in life by yourself since now. It cant be "i can ask my dad or mom” or “chill, my dad will help me”. It’s not that anymore. It seems complex right? That’s why you must be ready. It doesn’t seem scary actually, all you need to do is just having a preparation. Don’t be shocked and make yourself accustomed. Okay?“ 

Myself: ”i may say it’s not okay. To be honest, i have a bit of fear. But ya, i just need to conquer that feel. As i live this life, all i can say at the end is everything’s going to be okay.“ 

Then in one second i reply: ”You have to learn that life is a process so just enjoy every single of it. So ya, welcome to the real world once again! Realizing or not, you’ve grown up much.“ 

It’s a close of my journey

As you are a piece of it, It’s a close of you too.

Goodbye, Man!

I wish i could say goodbye to this feeling too.

Sincerely,

I saw him from far then consciously my heart skips a beat. Though its ever felt so strange to me. But this day, i finally can feel it again. 

Do you want to know how it feels? I feel like time stopped at one second.

And what made it stop? That unspoken hello featured with his sweet grin.

Honestly, I couldn't hide anything. Then i chose to wave my hand as sign of giving response to him. Though its from far, i can feel him close. That close as his shadow always appears in mind while thinking about hope. 

Dear man, this day is about your hello. 

Thank you❤️ 

Xx, 

I ever cursed last month as a month of losing chance. Tbh, i lose opportunity to study in somewhere since it's out of date and poorly wrong on reading its term. Second, i found something cute in a bazaar then my friend told "go buy it", i was like "later maybe (whereas in deepest heart, i want it so damn, but its actually i ran out of money at that time haha). Saking gw anaknya batu bgt kalo udah mau sesuatu, i came back to that bazaar some next days and sadly it's sold out. Hhhhhhh i was like cursing myself for not buying it while it lasts, sad, and wkwkzhakakhakajayznxlslwp don't know how to express my feeling beacuse actually it costs cheaper than usual. And the last i remember most is i lost the chance to watch such stunning theater will be. The ticket's sold out in minutes whereas i have imagined how blessed i would be if i can watch it lively plus i love its story since its from Pramudya Ananta Toer. Butttttt, again...... I lost chance, no, i mean chance(s). 

Those three list are only small examples while in this real world i believe some ever lose chances like i do. Me as a human, sometimes, for some loss, i ever say it's purely my fault. There are opportunities out there, but my step to catch it are weak or may be the goal seems difficult to catch since memang tidak jodoh gitu istilahnya (kalo kayak gini nggak jadi purely blame myself hehe). Ya kan kalau memang tidak jodoh mau kayak gimana juga, every chance i have won't ever meet my struggle (no matter how hard my struggle is). It seems there's role of "semesta" which play important to the success and fail of every element in this world. The point is, take it positively as lessons to struggle more and no more to postpone saying yes to every chance exactly 3cm from my eyes. 

Xx, 

It feels strange to know that the more i know you, the more i can’t resist this feeling. I know, my life’s been strange to love now. But still, it’s love. Oh no, i mean i’m in love.

Dear man, Let me feel this strangeness till it doesn’t become strange anymore. Let me drown deeper into the sea of your life. Let me…

Sincerely,

I came across a quote which is put on my friend’s status. It says “Jangan lupa bahagia? Salah! Seharusnya jangan lupa bersyukur!” It takes less than one second for me to undoubtedly agree with that. So many people jump to a quote which says “Jangan lupa bahagia!”. Whereas there’s one thing people sometimes forget to do. It’s called gratitude.

As i live this life so far, i’ve learnt that happiness actually is a choice (you can see my so long previous posts) and being thankful is a must. Gratitude that people may have must also contain happiness. You are thankful then you must be happy too, but if you are happy, it doesn’t mean you bless everything that makes you happy. I find people who are thankful with their lives are the ones who gain more satisfaction and happiness. Since they feel like everything they have now which is gift from God, is really a blessing, and we are just nobody without God, so no need to be arrogant, rite? Being thankful means that everything we have now (every second we have, air to breath, land to step, light to guide, and so many things i cant mention) are truly God’s. We don’t need to waste so many energies, we just need to be thankful that God still loves us no matter who we are. With gratitude, we feel like standing in a lowest point, hence it creates our humbleness. I believe that people who always feel thankful for everything in their lives are the ones who are better day by day.

So peeps, don’t ever worry of why it’s difficult to get any happiness in life. Just create your own happiness by simply being thankful.

Xx,

I don’t know what kind of feeling this is, but i’m kinda missing the moments i used to have. I miss how past had me with smile. Very joyful smile which i rarely have nowadays. That doesn’t mean that smile i have now is fake, but it’s different. I used to smile especially at something i actually don’t have now.

Sometimes, i close my eyes and replay the past in my head. Then i contemplate it. I ask the universe, “will the past replay in my present?” Well i know, one moment cant be replayed in all the same elements (i mean the person, situation, vibe, etc). But i just ask and literally wait the memory inside to play in the present even when it’s in different form. I know some say it’s losing something. But that’s right, i cant deny it. I wont even deny my feelings cause deeply it’s more hurtful anyway.