せきりょう

and you’re not sure if he ever will

you’re not responsible for my heart or feelings

your face rested, your emotions are calm

while i can barely hold onto my own feelings

i feel so heavy and distraught

if you wanted someone you would try your hardest right?

wouldn’t there always be a way if two people are willing?

i dont want things to be so one-sided

i want to be someone’s favourite person, to be thought of daily

i dont want to be taken for granted, it hurts

i want someone who’s also capable of trying for me, to make things work because i matter

because i’m losing it

i’m scared and i feel so sad

i want to reach for you

and i want to stay by you

you’ve become more indifferent to me

i dont think you’re intentionally doing it

but the distance feels like its getting wider

when all i want is to become closer

you created space

you’re tired and reluctant

its not even something i can control on my own will

i cant just simply fix or improve myself

because im not even the cause to my own sadness

ive been told that im strong

but deep down inside im really going through it

i dont like being told that im depressed because i get angry at myself for letting it get to me

its not my fault, i know that

but eventually i have to pick

myself? or others?

i know for a fact that if i dont choose myself, there isn’t going to be a me anymore

im tired but hoping that one day i can freely be happy and loved

i only want to worry about my own problems and whoever else i want

its not like i never had passions and such enjoyments in life, i just have a hard time regaining enough strength to get that spark back into me because im exhausted

im still cheerful, but a piece of me is still missing

i need to get out of my situation and be selfish for the sake of myself

but when?

figure everything out?

but who really has life all figured out?

sometimes loving someone isn’t supposed to be easy

it doesn’t connect together effortlessly

it can be hard and painful

but it makes it more meaningful if i stay and try

when you are worth it

hoping that one day things connect

time and effort

its convenient just as it is?

convenience..comfort

how long can we stay like this

push it for another 2 years?

no direction, uncertainty

even though i already know what i want

but im scared because you would just tell me to leave if its too much

do you really not have strong feelings for me

am i alone in this

am i the only one that wants to be together