But Have You Tried It Twice?

Ignore the fun police.

If you like it, order your steak well done. Get your bagel toasted with jam and butter. Put ice in your scotch and ketchup on your hotdog. Get red wine with fish and white with steak. Who cares?

If you want to, listen to pop music. Watch blockbuster popcorn flicks. Read dime store novels. Enjoy them.

Dye your hair or cut it off. Paint your fingernails blue. Wear whatever the fuck you want on your own time (ie, when not at a job or school or whatever where you can get penalized for breaking rules) as long as you aren’t like welding or shoveling snow.

Anyone who tries to tell you you’re wrong? Say “okay” and go back to what you were doing. You’re not hurting them by enjoying yourself or having things the way you like them.

There are no caveats or addendums to this. No “but what about x?” Nah. You’re allowed the things you like. You don’t have to justify your taste or apologize for it if it’s not hurting anyone.

This is not normal.

Malignant narcissist rapists are bad people who destroy good things to save themselves from consequences of their criminal lifestyle.

We are not moving on. Criminals don't get to decide their own investigations.

Republicans who are protecting pedophiles and predator sex abusers are trying to portray mothers and nurses, people with love, empathy, and humanity, as 'domestic terrorists'.

That kind of dehumanization is barbaric.

Convicted domestic terrorists were pardoned by Trump. Convicted domestic terrorists were given jobs in ICE.

When these convicted and pardoned domestic terrorists execute citizens, we see Russian bots and Republicans repeat the same heinous talking points.

- you need aftercare too, take care of yourself and learn what works for you

- if that sub can't tell you anything at all about what they want from a scene? hit da bricks- they aren't ready and you aren't a mindreader.

- that sub that keeps breaking small boundaries and trying to act like they are just bratty? They will only get worse and and if they can't determine bratting from boundary breaking you're going to end up in emotionally toxic mess at the least.

- practice your rope knots and quick releases while watching TV, builds good muscle memory.

- make an emergency first aid kit for your scenes- you should be able to cut any restraint, treat burns and cuts, and soothe skin irritation and I also reccomend a bottle of water or saline solution for washing of the eyes or for potential allergic reactions

- make sure you and your sub patch test new lubes and waxes ect before scenes for allergies.

- the middle of a scene is not a place for dom or sub to bring any brand new kink into a dynamic, talk about it before or later.

- just like inexperienced subs need to watch out for manipulative and toxic doms- you need to watch out for toxic and manipulative subs.

Misdemeanors are not criminal, they are civil offenses. Like parking tickets.

Do we say people parking illegally should be deported?

Calling people illegals is coded language for racists.

"aww!" they said, "it's a flag!!"

but the thing is: they're little. a lot of them don't really have a handle on all their mouth sounds yet.

Can’t get your partner off on the first try? Cool. You can still be thoughtful and make them feel good.

Can get your partner off within 30 seconds? Awesome, good for you both, don’t let it get to your head.

Can make someone cum in less than 5, but for others, it’s a process that takes an hour? That’s alright, everyone’s different. 

Does it take you 30 minutes to cum? That’s okay, you’re not broken, you’re not a failure.

Does it take you 10 seconds to cum? That’s great, you’re not a slut, you’re not overly sensitive or dirty. 

Can’t cum without toys/vibrators? That’s awesome, that’s a valid part of sexual play!

Can only cum with loving, vanilla sex? That’s perfectly normal, and you will find lots of great partners to experience that with!

Can’t orgasm at all? THAT’S ALSO COOL. It’s not a bad thing, you can still enjoy sex TONNES just like others.

No, but it still felt great

Yes, and it felt really great

Yes, but coming isn’t that big a deal for me

No, can you keep going?

Yes, can you keep going?

No, do you want to watch me get myself off?

Yes, but don’t get a big head about it – I come so easily it doesn’t matter what you do.

No, but I bet I can get you up again

Yes, but I’d rather keep edging because I always get a huge drop after coming and it really puts me off sex for a while

No, thank you, orgasm denial leaves me deliciously horny for days

No, and I’m really frustrated, let’s brainstorm how to change that

All of these are fucking awesome answers.  Including the last one.  They’re also 100% legitimate answers.  Including the last one.

Only the last one is even a little bit “negative,” and, really, how bad, arrogant, or egocentric a lover do you have to be that you’d rather not know when your partner says “here are some great ways to help me come next time, lover?”

If on the other hand you’re going to panic or be unhappy about that last answer then you’re not a bad lover (no shame either way) but your sex life will be less workable.  With the result that you’ll continue having, well, the same result.

To be honest, whether you or your partner comes isn’t the most important thing about sex.  It’s whether you’re both satisfied afterwards.  The only trick being that 

You get to decide what “satisfied” means for you

You don’t get to decide what “satisfied” means for your partner(s.)  

Asking “did you come” isn’t really the right question.  “Does this work for you” is way healthier.  That’s the culture we want to look for and encourage.

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Happy Pride Month!

Faust is back for the 5th time! If you want to use the flag of your choice as an avatar, they're under the cut. They're free to use as long as it's for personal use only.