meh

“I painted somebody’s mom”

“Took a while and not perfect, but i painted the guy who painted the other guy’s mom”

“I painted the girl who painted the guy who painted the other guy’s mom who painted an egret”

“I painted the guy who painted the girl who painted the guy who painted the mom who painted a bird”

“When it sinks in that I stayed up most of the night to paint a meme for internet points…”

It is with a heavy heart that I say that the Aussies and kiwis have beaten us to the next year again. As a red blooded American and true patriot, I say that we must not let this stand

STARRING: Good Instincts!

and their nemesis: Asshole ADHD Galaxy Brain

-Let the play begin-

[OPENING SCENE]

Parent: You knew I didn’t want you to do that! Why did you do it anyway?

Me, put on the spot: uh - well, um …

Parent: what were you *thinking*?

Me, trying to sort out the thoughts of Past!Me: hmm …

—FLASHBACK—

Past Me, presented with solutions a, b, and c to handle a minor dilemma, and under a time crunch because of procrastination: i dont’ like any of these options.

My Good Instincts, zooming up & dodging past my executive dysfunction: Option B is the best one.

Me, easily persuaded: thanks, Good Instincts! I agree.

ADHD Galaxy Brain, arriving dramatically, 15 minutes late with Starbucks: but is it really the best option?

Me, instantly distracted: is it?

ADHD Galaxy Brain, an asshole: What about option D?

Good Instincts: *quickly* option d wasn’t up for consideration in the f–

ADHD Galaxy Brain: *bats Good Instincts into the sun*

ADHD Galaxy Brain: *to Me* well?

Me: I hadn’t considered option D! but I can’t remember why I didn’t consider it.

ADHD Galaxy Brain: Neither can I!

ADHD Galaxy Brain: but here, have 32 reasons why option D is definitely the best one. It took 2.8 seconds for me to come up with them, so you better appreciate it.

Me, mistaking this for critical reasoning: wow, those are all really good reasons! This is why people say you should carefully consider your options before acting.

Good Instincts: *yelling from the sun’s surface, but too far away to be understood*

Me, a fool: welp, you’ve convinced me. Option D is definitely the best one. But I feel like my instincts are trying to tell me something?

ADHD Galaxy Brain: could be. but do we really have time to check? besides, if we undo all this critical reasoning, we’ll have to start all over again, and I hate doing things twice.

Me, a person who struggles to do things even once: yeah, that sounds boring.

Me, satisfied: Option D it is! sorry, Instincts, but the feeling of foreboding your indistinct yelling gives me requires too much time&effort to understand!

—

Good Instincts, watching from the surface of the Sun as I execute option D: i SAID, your PARENTS will be ANGRY if you go with Option D!!

Good Instincts: THAT’S WHY IT WASN’T ON THE TABLE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

Good Instincts: AAAAAAAAAA WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

–END FLASHBACK–

Present Me, struggling to put words to this: …

Parent, out of patience: well????

Me: I—

Me:

Me: …

Me: i don’t know.

—FADE TO BLACK—

NARRATOR VOICEOVER, grave: the truth is, they *did* know. They remembered it all with remarkable clarity, considering how quickly their decision was made.

NARRATOR VOICEOVER: but they also knew from previous experience … that they would never have the words to explain it.