D/s in 2D

I am a brave girl in the morning. I leave the safety of home and You to search out, observe, and heal the darkness and hurt in others.

It is like as if I wander a forest at twilight. Just as shadows go from soft reflections to terrifying darkness. Silence overcomes, except a crow’s call echoing off the trees.

My dress is dirtied and torn from crawling over logs and ducking under low hanging branches. My hair hangs limp on my shoulders. Eyes rimmed in red from the tears I’ve let flow and the ones I’ve held back.

My hands grip a bouquet of wild flowers. I’ve spent the day seeking where the sun has broken through and allowed them to grow. Blue, pink, yellow, against the impending darkness.

I have gathered beauty where I could find it. Moments of clarity, of kindness, of strength. I snatch up the resilience and the perseverance. I pulled up the love and held it close for a while. They’re my offering and the reason I go back.

-Some days, You don’t want to submit because He isn’t here. Do it anyway.

-He needs to see your face. Daily. There is no such thing as spam to Him.

-He can’t always read the tone in a text message and He can read your mind even less. Communicate effectively, not just efficiently. Use voice and video as much as possible.

-Create a night time routine together.

-It will be hard to explain your relationship. It is yours and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

-Be boring. There are a million ways to create mundane 3D boring life scenarios in 2D online. Watch TV together. Skype while folding laundry or grocery shopping. Etc.

-Be grateful for each other and talk about it often.

-Brag to your friends about Him. Feel proud and lucky to have Him.

-Be realistic and honest about expectations. Talk about them often. Speak up if they change.

-Be honest about how you’re feeling. Don’t only send the cute pictures.

-Have integrity. Follow your rules. Complete your punishments. Yes, sometimes you *could* sneak a shorter time out or skip a task, but doing so will cause resentment of the distance. Don’t do it. Even if you’d never get caught.

-See each other as often as possible, no matter how brief. Use the time to do things you can’t do at a distance. Don’t waste a second. Be thankful for these moments.

-Find a community. You will need support on hard days.

-Aftercare is still essential and subdrop can happen to any sub. Have a plan in place. Keep supplies, like chocolate and an extra soft blanket, on hand at all times. A written plan is especially helpful.

-Toys are fun.

-You can do more D/s than you think without Him there physically. Be creative and adaptable. Do not give roadblocks too much energy. Find solutions.

-Be extra aware of safety. Don’t leave candles burning if you might go into subspace. He isn’t there to blow them out.

-You will cry. Maybe even often. Make sure you laugh more.

Did you know a plane ride from the Pacific Northwest to the midwest takes a million years?  It does when the flight is to meet up with Him.

Recently, we met up in my Master’s home town for a very quick visit. It was far too brief, but the warmth of His skin and the sting of His belt were desperately needed. He snapped a picture of me as our time ran low. I am nestled against His chest. My face is peaceful; eyes closed.

Bliss.

The picture isn’t particularly stunning to most people. He and I are relatively average folks. Yet when I look at it, I am deeply moved. It is the picture of trust. He is my safe place.

Back at my home on the west coast, I was reminded of how we have worked to create that same experience across the distance. I was asked to share some of those ways so here they are.

1. 100% time.

We are both very busy. We both have children. He has a very professional career and I am working on my Master’s degree. I have a large family and both of us have family and friends spread throughout the globe. And don’t even get me started on the neuroticism of my dog that can pull me out of focus at any time. So when our lives are chaos, we will schedule something we call “100% time”. This is uninterrupted time not of a sexual nature, where we strip away all distractions. Texting other people, making grocery lists, or watching TV are not allowed. It may be 5 minutes or it may be an hour but it is our time and we protect it fiercely. 

If either of us requests this, we will make it happen same day. No exceptions unless a serious emergency.

2. Tangibles

I am 5’ 2". My Master is well over a foot taller than me. I could wear His t-shirt as a dress. Yet when I am wrapped up in it, it is like He is here with me. I have a whole box of things He has sent me or from our time together. Being able to touch things that are His or are from Him make it just a little easier.

I want to acknowledge that some 2D (online) relationships don’t cross into the 3D (real life) realm thus some people don’t feel comfortable giving out their address. I understand that with some reservations. (Although I don't think D/s should be happening with someone you don't trust well enough to give them your address.) However, there are other ways to make tangibles happen if there is good reason. Post office boxes are not that expensive. Amazon has lockers where items can be delivered. In my opinion, it isn’t the same when I purchase something and I think it’s important that it be from the Dominant. Don’t let barriers prevent it.

3. Audibles.

In the picture, my eyes are closed. The engaged senses are primarily touch and sound. So when wrapped up in His tshirt, my eyes closed, snuggled up, the only thing missing is His voice whispering in my ear.  Thus, via phone, Skype, saved videos, saved sound bytes, that experience can be recreated. 

I prefer Skype, but I do have a few saved bytes as well for the nights He goes to bed before me.

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Eyes closed shutting everything else out, wrapped in His “arms” (tangibles), with His words in my ear (audibles) snuggling against His chest happens from 1500 miles apart… It may not be quite the same, but it gets me through the next million years. He is my safe place.

“Go to the park and see the baby ducks.”

Wait, what?? That’s a task?

When I have much more important things to do why would He give me such a task? Because He is responsible for more than just the obvious. He has accepted the responsibility of caring for all of me and my spirit needs some TLC.

In my line of work, we spend a lot of time talking about mindfulness. This practice helps when your mind is spiraling out of control. While there are many ways of accomplishing this, the basic premise is pulling you back into the present moment. There are two ways I experience it best; sensual experiences and moments of awe.

Some of the ways it works for me are:

-actively noticing what I see, smell, taste, hear, touch.

-allow myself to play. When was the last time you went down the slide at the playground?  Played a card game?

-indulge in moments of awe. These are experienced by my senses and often with a bit of emotion. Baby animals, the way warm ceramic feels when I drink hot tea, watching the sun go down, symmetry in nature, the sensations of fresh sheets, etc. These are usually cost free, but so seldom really noticed and intentionally completely experienced.

This is where baby ducks come in.

This isn’t a “my Master is the best in the whole world” kind of post. (Although for me He is.) Rather, I want to acknowledge that sometimes in long distance D/s it can be very difficult when a submissive’s spirit needs support. We often rely on physical comfort in person and without that option, creativity comes into play. 2D relationships require creativity and an INTENTIONAL focus on what you CAN do, rather than what you can’t.

So I send Him pictures of the baby ducks and indulge in the experience by sitting in the grass to make a daisy chain crown.  I will return to data analysis and deadlines soon. He won’t accept me failing.

No really, how does it actually work?

We are asked this question occasionally from folks who aren’t long distance like we are.  How do you actually scene?

I asked this question myself when I first found out that people did D/s online. I was baffled.  “Please forgive my ignorance,” I asked my oh so patient friend, “So basically you spank yourself?” She replied simply, “Yes.”

Ever curious, I was intrigued. I was single at the time, but in friendly contact with a couple of Dominants. Carefully, I approached the one I trusted most. “So I’ve heard that people online spank themselves…"  I could almost hear his smirk at my unasked question. "Would you like to try it?”, He asked. (Such sweet relief when Doms read minds.) And thus he coached me until my ass got its first self inflicted pink glow.

Except it didn’t feel self-inflicted. I couldn’t have done it without his coaching.

Now, with Sir’s voice in my ears, His face on my screen, my hands act as His agent. Other than a bit of soreness in my shoulders the day after, I don't remember that it wasn't His hands on the paddle. Psychologically He gave me the marks that bloom on my bottom and breasts.

We have to use short range tools. The paddle gives me deep dark blue and purple bruises. A plastic hairbrush gives me shallower marks that start out as beautiful dark red splotches before turning purple then fading. I am completely incapable of using a belt. Trying is a sure way to make us both dissolve into laughter. That is something we get to do when we are physically together.

Is it the same as other impact play? Of course not. I don’t have the same strength or leverage that we have in a 3D (real life) scene.  We work for adaptation rather than giving up the things we love just because a paddle doesn’t reach 1500 miles. They’re still my Masters bruises. I wear them with pride and a happy maso bottom.

Dear Sir,

I’m waiting for You in the black lace lingerie You’ve chosen. My face is painted not because You asked me to but because I want to be my best for You. I’m kneeling in the pose You prefer; hips straight, knees spread, hands behind me, shoulders back. I’m breathing deeply with anticipation.

I am not only naked before You physically. I am nakedly vulnerable to You. My body primed and waiting for Your voice. My emotions raw and bubbling over. My mind quiet.

My mind doesn’t do quiet. It fights me. It doesn’t relent easily. It wants to ramble. “Is the dog getting into the trash?” “Is that appointment tomorrow or next week?” “When is this project due?” Then You are with me and it hushes.

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There are those who argue that D/s can’t be done long distance. I’d challenge them to notice as my skin flushes. See the way my legs tremble. Feel how my pulse quickens at Your command. I’d like to show them my grades from before I was Yours compared to now. I’d highlight all the other things Your rules have helped me accomplish. I’d wonder if their relationships with family or friends that they support with Skype aren't real also? And I’d remind them that our brain isn’t only the largest sex organ, it is all we really need.

Our love is a beautiful. It’s made possible by the internet, enhanced by Bluetooth, and sparkles with mail. But it is no less real. Thank You Sir, for building it with me.