devil first, angel second

i want to cut again especially since the last time i did it they were so pitiful, i was shaking the first time, because in the end i was so scared of harming myself in such a serious way. i did little cat scratches along some of the less noticeable parts of my leg in hopes nobody would notice and well, eventually they did. so i had to go through a lot of questioning. my sibling was very worried about me. i don’t want people to be worried, i hate it, it infuriates me.. people turning my issues into such a big deal. i hate, hate, hate it! they caught me with the razor cap off, i know i can’t do it now. they already check my wrists every once in a while, it’s impossible without getting caught.. but i want to cut deeper, deeper, deeper. i want to bleed, i want to cry out in pain, struggling to hold in all my tears and my screams. i want to feel anything, even if it’s more pain.. at least it’ll be the sort of pain i still feel. i want it to run violet…

now i do not enjoy naruto and have never watched/read it myself and very likely never will but theoretically i feel like i would kin sasuke

to have simultaneously never grown up and to have grown up far too quickly is an endless strain upon oneself

chocolate-box girl is honestly just perfect in every single way possible

ughhh my glasses are all foggy but i don’t want to clean them