if not, winter

“I never said anything suggestive or phallic,” he retorted, eyebrows raised. Of course, that’s what he meant, but that’s beside the point. “Puzzles, brain teasers—something to take off the edge that my presence brings to your life. But, naturally, there are others things you can do." 

“Oh, right, silly me. I’ll just do a  sudoku and it’ll fix everything,” she replied, rolling her eyes. He often made things seem less serious than they truly were. “I hope you don’t talk to her like that,” she said, being truthful. She hoped this woman was treated like she deserved to be. 

Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it, he changed mentally. He’d been there almost literally five minutes, and he could potentially muddle everything up. Don’t say it. “As you know very well, it wouldn’t be as good as the real thing,” he mused, “but you could always invest in a top notch toy.” He said the thing, and he’d hate himself for it later, but he was on a high from her small outburst. .

“Is that all that is on your mind? This is in no way related to your penis, you insufferable and insulting idiot,” she said, her voice continually rising. “I was talking about your intelligence, but of course you have to act like I am just completely starved for your dick.”

“Ripley—” He started to argue, but he thought better of it. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths in attempt to collect himself. “I’m not asking for forgiveness or another chance or anything from you other than simple civility.” He shook his head. “Thank you for thinking so highly of me ”

“You know what? I think that’s part of the damn problem is that after all this time I still think highly of you. You are the smartest man that I have ever met. There’s nowhere to go from you,” she admitted. Maybe she was a little jealous and hurt, but was that a crime? 

“What can I say? I’ve changed.” He flashed her a smile. Okay, so he hadn’t changed much. He was still an arrogant S.O.B., but he was just a little more considerate of others for now. Her distaste did not go unnoticed, and he felt a twinge of guilt. He should have tried harder to be a better person when they were together; she deserved at least that much and more. So did Rivkah, though. 

“Ah, yes, that miraculous change that supposedly happened. Are you sure that you’re not just faking it for her benefit and there’s going to be some grand setback or something? I wouldn’t put that much past you.” She at least hoped that he didn’t go behind this woman’s back on simple matters. Someone in relation to him needed to have some sense of peace of mind. 

Nico sighed. Perhaps, deep down, he stilled cared for Ripley on a romantic level, but he had no intention of pursuing anything but a professional relationship with her now. He loved Rivkah, and he didn’t want to ruin that, to burn her with something that was proven not to work. “It may be difficult, but we aren’t who we we’re when we were together. I think we can handle this all maturely.”

“That’s glaringly optimistic for you,” she commented. Maybe he was different. Maybe she herself was different. She knew that there was a taste of stark bitterness on her tongue due to the sense of knowing that he would never pick her even if it came to that terrible worst case scenario. 

He knew she was right. He didn’t want her to be, but she was.  He fully intended on clearing the air with her and being civilized as long as they would be around each other. They were highly passionate, competitive on their own, and it only amplified when together. “Day by day and with boundaries then,” he suggested. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

“Boundaries are always a difficulty for me when it comes to you,” she admitted. He knew that much. Boundaries weren’t their thing. They couldn’t even feasibly set them during their divorce. “We can try it, but don’t be surprised when it fails is all I’m trying to say here. And if it comes to that don’t act shocked when I make you choose.”

He knew she was right—as per usual. Somehow, despite all of their emotions and intentions to the contrary, whatever they did became messy, as she put, and tolling. Mildly put. “Then we take it day by day,” he said quickly. It’s not what he originally was going to say, but it was better—and exactly how they should have handle their marriage, but not making decisions behind her back would have helped tremendously. 

“Even if we do that you know there’s always going to be a certain sort of risk there,” she said. She knew that he damn well knew what that risk was. “I’m not going to be your whore or whatever. I just want you to know that up front. I’m not going to go from being your wife to being your mistress and me knowing how you are and knowing how I am with you knows that is a possibility.”

Nico pinched the bridge of his nose, frustrated with being antagonized. She was the most important person in the world to him at one point in time, and he wouldn’t deny that their marriage falling apart was largely his fault—if not entirely. “I don’t understand how she isn’t bothered by things.” He sighed. “I genuinely want to fix things because you deserved and still deserve better. Is that so difficult to believe?”

“I guess she’s preternatural then,” Ripley said with a sigh. Leave it to him to find a woman that was inhumanly perfect. God above knew that she herself was not. She was smart, yes, but she wasn’t perfect. “It’s not that I have trouble believing it.” She sighed again deeply. “I know how we are. You’re like an inhibition lowering force for me. We can try it but it could get messy because we are in fact us.”

“Old habits,” he said dismissively. “Also, I don’t think she’d mind. She’s rarely bothered by something.” Ripley and Rivkah were polar opposites in so many ways, and he thought about it a lot when he anticipated a blow-up but hardly anything happened. “Look. I know it will take time, but I do want to set things right, especially since we’ll be around each other more ”

She had to refrain from rolling her eyes. Ripley supposed that he’d finally found the perfect tranquil goddess that he was truly worthy of. This was more of her jaded perception on him than on the woman herself. “Must be nice to not be bothered by things,” she said, smoothing a tendril of hair out of her face. “Are you doing it because you have to for a job or are you doing it because you genuinely want to? I know which one I want the answer to be, but I’m not sure that’s the case.”

“People change, mi sol,” he said with a chuckle. She’d always charmed him with her assumptions and observations. Their tit for tat often was what made some classes sufferable. “If you must know,” he said slowly, “I’ve turned a new leaf. I want to do better.” He almost brought up Rivkah, but he figured that was a trivial fact. He was sure Ripley knew about her anyway. He knew she’d stayed in contact with at least Mama since the divorce. 

“You think your fiancee would like you calling me that?” she finally said, pressing her lips together. She knew that he knew that she knew. His mother still talked to her regularly and was still mournful about the divorce. It pained Ripley in a way to be so beloved by his parents, yet somehow not enough for him. It was a situation that she never could rightly stomach. “Good for you,” she said, sounding more sarcastic than she intended. Her emotions were getting the better of her. 

“As I said,” he responded coolly, “the prestige attracted me.” He stood up straight and smiled. She still knew him so well. “You may have been the selling point, though.” His beloved Rivkah had engrained it in him to be a better person. “Clean slates and all.”

“Tabula rasa,” she said almost reflectively. “Didn’t think that was your sort of thing.” She had seen the man hold some ridiculous grudges and other strange petty relationships with people in the past. There was something else that smarted about all of this that someone would have to torture her for her to admit. He’d moved on. She’d stayed somewhat personally stagnant. There’d been no one since him. Not even a fling. She’d just shoved herself further into her dissertation after the divorce and eventually got her doctorate.

“Naturally.” He figured it was best to keep his distance for now. He remained in the doorway, arms still crossed, smirk still set. “Interesting is better than coincidental.” Seeing her was an added bonus to this new job. It gave him a chance to clear the air, which may have been thanks to his new fiancee. “I had no idea you’d be here actually. The prestige drew me here—if you must know.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t me?” She couldn’t quite put that past him since she knew him well enough. She could very well see him going out of his way to make sure their paths crossed once more, even if there was a fiancee in the picture. “Oh, there is nothing coincidental with you.”

“Speak of the devilishly handsome, you mean,” he corrected. As much of a disaster their marriage was, they knew each other a little too well. He was certain she was more bothered than she let on. “Interesting that out paths have crossed again, though. Don’t you think?”

“I see that you’re still extremely humble,” Ripley replied almost reflexively. He had never been humble a day in his existence. She was convinced he’d been born haughty. “I don’t think interesting would be my choice of words, but let’s go with interesting. Just don’t start talking about kismet.”

Nico was passing by, having been in the midst of setting up his office, when Ripley expressed her exasperation. He probably shouldn’t have done what he did next, but he often didn’t listen to his conscience. He stepped back and nonchalantly leaned against the door frame. “Mi sol,” he breathed. He crossed his arms as he studied her. Beautiful as ever. High strung as ever, too. He smirked. “You can’t be too surprised.”

She turned around, not missing a beat. She knew this song and dance way too well. “Speak of the Devil,” she said. She had to admit she was a little amused by him and his uncanny ways of showing up. A part of her would always be weak for him. However, Ripley was pretty good at putting on an unbothered face. “With you I am rarely surprised.”

“She inherited that quality from her mother,” Adrian admitted. A soft smile graced his face whenever he talked about his wife; she’d somehow managed to be both fiery and passionate while also maintaining her care and consideration for others. “You’re right of course. It is our responsibility to evolve, but that’s sort of difficult to do when the culture is the way it is.” 

“That’s beautiful. Mother’s are an exceptional source of strength,” she said, fondly thinking of her own strong willed mother. She had inherited quite a bit from her herself. “I’m often out of the loop with everything culturally so to speak. I don’t watch a lot of television. I read several newspapers and that’s about it. It’s a lot less draining that way. I try to stay updated and cut out all of the poisonous nonsense. There’s only so many erroneous and ill informed op-eds that a person can read before becoming distraught.”

“Oh, Savannah did. She’s very vocal about those kind of things.” It had been interesting to watch. Adrian had felt a rush of pride at how his daughter had defended herself. “It’s the curse of the world we live in. Can’t say I’m except from that, to be fair.”

“Good for her. It’s a good trait to have,” she grinned. It was nice to know that there were people that didn’t mince their words still. “I think that we’re all plagued by it, but it’s something that we have to seek to break. It’s maddening to try to do so, but the work must be done all the same.”

“What exactly does it say of the world when a perfect stranger assumes that your 28-year-old daughter is your girlfriend?”

“Tell them that they are mistaken. There’s nothing wrong with correcting someone who is wrong, especially when it’s something that cringe inducing,” Riply replied. “That’s the problem with people is that they love to thrive on assumptions instead of pure facts.”