Movies of my dreams

i was talking to my cousin yesterday and he was talking about an accidental mistake he was dealing with, and proceeded to describe it as, “i picked a whole fuckin’ bouquet of whoopsie-daisies” and tbh i’m still thinking about it

According to my pokedex Blaziken can clear a 30 story building in one jump. Imagine youre just standing there and this long ass chicken just fuckin takes off into the god damn sky

if you bring a dog near me i’m sorry but i will pet it and talk to it like it’s a child and probably want to take it home

The fact that I’m legally an adult is hysterical

I feel so proud when friends tell me their parents like me. Like damn right they do, I am a delight.

i’d like to think of myself as a video game protagonist but instead i’d probably be some random npc who gives you a weird quest like “kiss every cat in this town on the forehead and i’ll give you 10 dollars”