Hannah

When the Music Fades

In the beginning, it was loud. Grief had a soundtrack—messages, memories, voices overlapping like harmonies. We were a choir of heartbreak, singing her name into every corner of the silence.

But time has a way of softening the edges. The messages grow fewer. The voices quieter. People move on, as they must.

And here I am, still listening for the echo. Still humming the tune she left behind.

I don’t blame anyone. Life pulls us forward. But I miss the noise. I miss the way we held each other in the sound.

Still—Team Hannah is here. Not always loud, not always visible. But present. In the quiet check-ins, the shared memories, the way we carry her light in our own ways. And strong. Not because grief has faded, but because love has endured. We are still holding each other—sometimes in silence, sometimes in sunlight.

So if you’re out there— if you still remember her laugh, her warmth, her gravity— hum with me. Even if it’s just a whisper.

Hi everyone. If you are seeing this, you know my time here is almost over. I made this post several days ago and asked Lauren to share when the time was right.

I have enjoyed my time here on Tumblr despite the constant account deletions. Total of all my blogs (4) reached close to 250,000. Wow! Thank you to all that have followed me over the years. But honestly, nothing meant more to me than the special friends I have met here. My life was made better by you. You brought me so many happy moments and smiles.

I did my best to beat this awful disease. I had an incredible medical team that fought so hard for me. Multiple surgeries as well but was never able to get out in front of it. I had the best support around me all the time. My family, Lauren, Lauren's mom and step dad, and my incredible tumblr family in no particular order.. Ellie and Sarah, Karen and Kate, Holly, CJ., Breelynn, Sadie and all those that reached out to me and offered support and caring. I have also composed messages to each of you that Lauren will be sending to you all. I have a couple of requests from you. First, please keep in touch with Lauren. She is going to need you and your support. Her blog is @callmenonames. Second, Please don't cry. Instead, remember the great conversations we had. Remember all the fun things we talked about. You all made my life better. Last, out of respect for my family, please don't post any of the pictures I sent to you. They requested this as well.

This is a song for @hollys-coffee-cafe

Hi everyone. Some may have noticed my absence from here the past couple weeks. Well some of my family came to see me. To say goodbye to me one last time. My aunt and uncle from Israel, some for here in the states. Spent most of the time reminiscing of times of old. Stories of my sister, my cousins and of course me. It was hard. it was very hard. How do you say goodbye to someone knowing you will never likely see them again? How do you try to put on a smile and pretend everything is okay. The answer is you don't. I cried a lot. I'm still crying a lot.

As my health declines, I spend a lot of time thinking of how different I wanted my life to be. There are so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to fall in love. To fall in love with that forever love. To fly across the ocean to make contact eye to eye the first time. I still dream about it. Holly we would have been great together. Maybe a stop in London to see my amazing friend Ellie and her beautiful partner Sarah. Two of the most amazing and wonderful people I ever met and one of my very best friends in the world. Or that very long plane ride to Australia just for smiles, laughs and fun with Karen and Kate. Karen has a way of always making you smile. While I'm there a quick hello to the very special person CJ who has also been a wonderful and compassionate friend.

I could go on and on but I wont. My heart is filled with so much love for my family for traveling all that way for me. And for the love of the people I mentioned above as well as all of you that offer well wishes and concern for me.

So here I am at the door of 2025. The year that will be my ending. Yesterday I spent the day in the hospital in a lot of pain. It is getting harder and harder to deal with this stuff. I'm back home with stronger meds. The pain comes and goes. At least now I am prepared.

I have accepted the ending now. I tried, I fought as hard as I could. I just couldn't get ahead in this fight. To those who have supported me and loved me, I'm sorry for letting you down. I had so many hopes and dreams all shattered by this awful disease.

I don't know what I have left. Doesn't seem like much honestly. I will try to be here as much as I can until I can no longer do it. At that point, my best friend Lauren will update you. She is a prize. One of a kind.

So I wish you all happiness and good health for the new year. But more than anything, I wish you love. For there is nothing greater.

From my world in Florida to wherever you are in the world, I hope you Christmas is filled with joy and love beyond any expectation.

For me, it will be quiet and spent with my family. It will likely be my last Christmas so the celebrating will be minimal at best. To my best friends here Ellie, Holly, Breelynn, Karen and CJ, I Love you all. Thank you for sticking with me.

Well I guess it's time to let everyone know what is going on with my health. After a week of tests, scans, bloodwork and doctor appointments, I have been told the cancer has spread rapidly and is in multiple locations throughout my body. The doctors have declared it as terminal with maybe 6 months or so left to live. Not what I wanted to hear. It seems the cancer is very aggressive and spreads very fast. It was always 3 steps ahead. I had a fabulous medical team that did all they could but it was to much to control. I have the best friends you can have here. They have supported me through all of this. Even so many I don't know have reached out to me.

I will stay here until I can't any longer. I will try to answer every message as they come. Thank you for all your prayers and support.

Soon Sara. Very soon

I am sailing, I am sailing Home again 'cross the sea I am sailing, stormy waters To be near you, to be free

I am flying, I am flying Like a bird 'cross the sky I am flying, passing high clouds To be near you, to be free

Can you hear me, can you hear me Through the dark night, far away? I am dying, forever crying To be with you, who can say

Can you hear me, can you hear me Through the dark night far away? I am dying, forever crying To be with you, who can say

We are sailing, we are sailing Home again 'cross the sea We are sailing stormy waters To be near you, to be free

So I decided this morning to end posting on my picture blog @dreamsofhannah3. After the Tumblr tyrants deleted my blog at 93,000 followers I felt it is to much to try to rebuild it again. So I'm done with that completely. I will keep this blog at least for now.

Burn every fear, every doubt like a funeral fire Scream every anthem and follow your reckless desires Take back the crown that hangs at the gate Ready your march, steady your aim For the heart is a soldier that never loses its way

Forgive every fear that convinced you to put out your light Show every flaw, every scar that this world made you hide From who you are From who you are, are, are, are

Raise your horns Raise 'em high Let 'em soar Let 'em fly Up through the heavens Forevermore Let 'em rain down Raise your horns

I figured it would be a good time to share an update with you. I completed 5 radiation treatment sessions in 10 days. I had a new Pet Scan today but no results yet. I wish I could say I'm confident of what the outcome will be. You see when I had the scan prior to the radiation, three new growths were discovered. The cancer in my body is very active. Honestly I was never supposed to live this long but here I am.

Each day I struggle. I can't walk anymore or use my legs. I have become quite the wheelchair master though. My dear friend Holly once told me to keep all four wheels on the ground. Sorry Holly. You get a little bored in my situation. I have come to accept some things that I never thought I would have to. I can't feel the sand of the beach on my toes anymore or the cool ocean water. I can't dance anymore not that I was every very good at it. No more hiking on our trips to northern New England. These may seem trivial to all of you. You never think of these things until you can't do them any longer.

The bigger issues exist. I know my survival chances are slim. I will never give up though till my last breath. I know I will never fall in love with that special girl or settle down or even have a family. Why would anyone want a cancer ridden cripple? My days are consumed with doctors, physical therapy and trying to keep my head up.

Through all of this I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the people that try every day to lift my spirits, to encourage me and support me and most of all love me.

So to the following people, I say thank you and I love you forever.

Lauren @callmenonames my best friend in the universe. I have no words to describe the love you have shown me and the love I have for you. You sacrifice for me every day even at the cost of your own health. You are truly amazing.

Ellie @everylittlethingshedoesismagic my sweet London friend and her beautiful partner Sarah. Not a day goes by that I don't get a sweet message or picture. Unconditional and unwavering support and love. I have dreamt so many times about coming to London to just give you a hug and tell you thank you. I hope some day I can do that. I love you my friend

Karen @karenpillagain where do I begin. You are sweet and kind. Very silly and quirky and I think a little crazy too. You make me laugh and smile. When you had your accident I cried for days. Your partner Kate is a very lucky girl as are yo to have her. Two beautiful Aussies that deserve life's very best. I love you both and do hope we can make that Disney trip someday.

CJ @crystaljaydeinside1 Another incredible Aussie. You never hold back your care and encouragement. Always a sweet message, encouraging word or song to lift me up. I'm glad we connected the way we have and always love our chats. You have become very special to me and Lauren as well. I do love you my friend.

Breelynn @breelynnxoxoxoxo Where do I begin? You were a big support to my sister till the end. You remained close to Lauren and have always supported us. One of kind with a heart bigger than your body. Caring, loving and beautiful. Thank you for your continued support and love. I love you girl! You are amazing

Holly @hollys-coffee-cafe I fell in love with you so easy. You are beautiful, caring, and very special to me. I know we had our moments but there are no conditions on my feelings. You are an encouragement to me to never give up and I never will. I will always love you.

Last but not least Sadie @bambibrowneyes when I met you thanks to Holly, you were dealing with your own issues. Your beautiful wife Shelby sick with the same awful disease as me. There was an instant connection with the three of us. Shelby has since passed and your life has gone on. New career, new city and new love. I'm happy for you my friend. Love you

Hi everyone. This is Hannah and I thought I should be the one giving this latest update. Before I do that, I want to thank you all for caring, messaging, praying, sending me all the positive thoughts and vibes. When I logged in I had so many sweet and beautiful messages. Of course there were the usual idiots as well but it is what it is

I am home from the hospital. I wish I could say I'm all better and fine but it certainly is not the case. I am not cancer free, The removed a large portion of the tumor but not all of it. I still have radiation treatments to go along with I.V. Therapy treatments. I am paralyzed and in a wheelchair. I can wiggle my toes a little on my left side. I have extensive physical therapy almost daily. I am not in pain so I guess that's a positive.

This is and will continue to be the biggest fight of my life. I never quit. I never give up. Somedays I wake up and think, "why bother?" and then get up and go after it again.

I know so many of you are cheering me on. I feel the love each day. If anything changes, I will update you. Until then, I absorb all the prayers, thoughts, well wishes you can offer.