I figured I’d ask this I’m a pm instead of blasting my problems on line. I was dating this girl for almost 2 yrs. Do to the fact that I had 2 kids 1200 miles away with my ex wife, I knew that I had to be the dad in their life that I was but I couldn’t do it long distance. And I knew my gf wasn’t gonna move. And i was planning on moving anyways…but I figured we could maybe do a long distance thing. Anyways, about a month before I moved, she broke up with me. I also find out that a close friend that I worked with side by side every day and that I confided in both good and bad…he and her started dating sometime either before I moved or shortly after I moved. Now me and him are not friends anymore obviously. But me and her are. And I can’t get her out of my head. I’m still in love with her…and I shouldn’t be since she moved on so fast after our break up. But I can’t move on. I don’t know how. Maybe I’m hanging on to a phantom hope that we will get back together. And meeting people is hard since I work nights. So how do I get her out of my head and move on? And how/where do I meet new people? And kinda shy by nature, so how do I approach a woman and strike up a conversation out of the blue without sounding like a creep? Thanks!
Breakups suck, I’ve been though my fair share. I do think that its wonderful that you’re still wanting to be a part of your kids lives even when things don’t go your way, you’re a strong person and I’m happy that you’re actually making the effort to with your kids even when you’ve got tons going on.
I have some different ways you can cope with this breakup:
Accept that the relation is over and move on. Or that your crush doesn’t like you. Don’t waste your time playing back your relationship ask yourself what if? Why? or stuff like “maybe he needs time”. You’re torturing yourself. What happened, happened and you just need to move on and think about the future. If you fought for it and it didn’t work, it didn’t. It wasn’t mean to be.
Don’t bottle up your feelings. I think admitting the fact that you might still like that person and that they’ve left or that they’re not interested is good. You’ve identified your problem and you accept it and now you can kind of try to deal with it. Cry about it, listen to sad songs all day, tell yourself you might still like them, drink lots of alcohol, and just do whatever you feel like. Just get those feelings out.
Cut them out of your life. If you’re trying to get over someone then having them around constantly doesn’t help. I know it’s hard but you have to try. People might judge you, say you’re being weird. Or he/she might say what the hell but you’re all that matters. Who cares what people say? Do what works for you.
Keep it professional- If you have to talk to them or come into contact regularly because of work or because they’re a part of your friend group talk to them as if they are a friend and only talk about work. By all means say hi how you are doing. It might be hard but try to act as if you never were together.
Find a new hobby. Not just any hobby to forget about them but think of something you’ve always wanted to learn such as painting or playing an instrument or web design, anything you love. If you choose something you love you’ll be engaged in it, you’ll love it. You’ll almost forget about him or her. Because well they’ll kind of be replace by the hobby. Just try not to do something you did with him or you both liked.
Do those things you did together alone or with a friend. It sounds a bit weird but it might help you. It’ll help you realize that you can be without him/her and that well you can survive without them. You don’t need them.
Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t stop thinking about them. We’re humans we can’t just simply forget especially about things that were constantly in our lives. It takes time.
Maybe don’t forget or pretend that the person doesn’t exist. We’re so focused on forgetting people but how about we don’t try to forget but learn to live without them and move on. Kind of mentioned it already but just accept that it wasn’t meant to be.
Let others love you, let others show you the love you deserve. Some people instantly build a barrier and don’t let people in that easy but honey not everyone in the world is out there to hurt you. Yes be careful, be cautious and learn from the past but let others in, give them a chance. Let them show you there is real love and let them show you that love.
Look at the bright side of things. He/she left you. Now you’ve got more time to spend with your friends and family. You can go to that party. You can get that hair cut he didn’t like or wear that small dress, you can talk to other guys/girls without feeling guilty.
If you two were never an item, look for other potential partners. Have you ever thought about that other cute guy/girl they might be interested?
If you were never an item or if you were, /think about things about them you hate, that are undesirable. Are they cocky, I can’t stand cocky people, are they promiscuous,do they lie a lot, do they live their lives to impress others.
If they’re a crush. Think why do I like a person and waste my energy and time into thinking about a person who doesn’t even acknowledge me. What’s it worth? You’re only hurting yourself for no reason
Spend time with friends or make some friends. Friends are great, always there for you. They make time for you, you have the time of your life with friends they make you forget, and they help you move on.
Don’t sleep with others to try and get over them. You might end up making stupid mistakes or think about them even more.
As well as the good time, think of the downs you had. Remind yourself of why it didn’t work out/ wasn’t good for you. Do you want to go back to that ?
Do what you want. Don’t listen to friends who say do this or do that or pressure you to do all sorts of things. Take their advice etc.. but remember this is your life. You know yourself
Take your time. Like I said this takes time so don’t rush or beat yourself
up if my tips don’t work. You’ll find a way
Don’t reply to their texts. yes I know this is also hard but if you know this person isn’t good for you and the same thing will happen ignore the message. Remember you’re trying to get over them.
Remove them off Facebook/unfollow their twitter Instagram. If you don’t then you’re just going to keep on checking up on them and how they’re moving on and dealing with it. You’ll want to find out about the new guy/girl they’re talking to and this won’t help you. You’re wasting your precious time on someone who isn’t really a part of your life.
Stop going to places where you’ll bump into them. First of all it’s kind of awkward if you’re not over them. And well it just keeps making you think we could have been together right now and we would usually do this together it’s all too much.
Get rid of the things you can, that remind you of them.
Dealing with loneliness and break-ups
The nicest place on the internet
7 reasons why it’s okay if you’ve never been in a relationship
6 healthy ways to get over a break up
When you’re the only one not in a relationship
6 scientifically proven perks of being single
Is your friend dating your ex?
10 more ideas to help with loneliness
10 things to do when you feel lonely
23 things you can do when you’re lonely
As for advice on how you can meet people and strike up conversations, I’ve got some tips and links for you!
If you had just won a million dollars, what would you do with it?
If you knew that you only had a year left to live, what would you do?
What is something you have never done but would like to do?
If you had three wishes, what would they be?
If you had the chance to start any business, what would it be?
Would you rather go a week without your phone or a week without your toothbrush?
If you could send a message to the whole world, what would it be?
If you had to pick a new name for yourself, what name would you pick?
Ways to become more social:
Use the internet (face book, twitter, tumblr) BE. SAFE.
Other helpful things to remember:
titsay
theartofmadeline
yousharknotpass
jbbartram-illu
germansingergirl
kaledo-art
