Phoenix Heart

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My best friend at first glance is a cocky girl with a sure fire attitude but simultaneously the quite girl in the back. A ghost who keeps you at arm's length.

Shes got a fiery tempor that can burn away miles of steel jungle, but she can also be as calm as a fire in an old cabin stone fireplace who's comforting warmth helps you sleep at night. Both sides of the blade just as sharp but for different purposes.

She's the girl who only got into K-pop because I persistently blabbled on and on untill finally she gave in. Coming to me the first day of my junior year with the words "I hate you" not because she actually hated me, but because I dragged her into a fandom she had no interest in joining at first.

She's a self proclaimed soda export who favors Coke above a much better Dr Pepper. She likes shrimp and always dips it in a sauce I can never quite remember. Working a part time job she often complains about because they pay her late or because her co-worker crush has a girlfriend who hates her.

She's my biggest cheerleader and still remains almost too honest. That honesty I've learned I can't live without. She's encouraged my hobbies and makes planes to be present in the future. We come up with wild stories of interviews we'll have when where famous, or when we move in together and barging into the bathroom yelling "We need cheese" at the top of our lungs while the other is taking a shit.

She's called me at midnight to make sure I haven't died and has stayed up with me late into the night and early morning talking about what's wrong or just to share memes in our insomniac, sleep deprived states. Unknowingly keeping me busy long enough to drag me out of my depression and self loathing.

She's defended me violently against ex's or family. From my own self and my memories. Threatening murder on the man that molested me for 4 years and promising dismemberment to an ex who dared to call me abusive and make me cry. Not all heroes wear capes as they say.

When she laughs or smiles I feel immense satisfaction that even if for only a moment I can help her forget a home she has to return to, or maybe to help her forget the stress of classes or friends, or to repay the growing debt I owe her for all the times she's made me wish to keep living.

My best friend when asking me if she made me happy had no idea how much I rely on her to help me laugh or smile because without her I can't. Without her I would likely not be alive. Without her I wouldn't feel loved or supported, even with the snarky comments or the little jabs at my cringy tiktoks.

So to my best friend. When I say I love you, know that with every fiber of my being you have been the only one I would ever truly die for. When I say I trust you, know that with every cell in my body I would leave my life with you, no questions. When I say I need you, know that if I didn't have you in my life I would die emotionally, mentally, and physically.