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float like a butterfly (nervously forgets end of quote) green like a pea

was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.

"This is some Light Yagami bull shit you are about to pull" <- Littany against avoiding small embarrassing/awkward moments that don't matter with over the top ass mind games.

found a pill on the ground snd ate it #gatherer

"You could get up early and do it before work" I could also wait for a magic beanstalk to start growing in my living room LMAO. Let's focus on things that happen in the real world

[Getting so angry it makes my brain disease worse] people sre supposed to be nice..

we all got that 1 friend that brings a sadomasochistic vibe 2 the hangout

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that was tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now

guy on a work call just accidentally said “have a nice freak-end” instead of weekend and now i desperately want that to be the new meme. have a nice freakend everybody

cool animal meme dude hey just wondering why is that fennec fox in somebody's living room

"it's just a meme let people have fun" NO. you WILL learn about wildlife trafficking and its role in the exotic pet trade

so hard to beat the gay allegations when you’re gay

Spent the day with regirock. He's a fantastic guy. Great sense of humor and also 200 physical defense

Me and my color coded friendgroup are gonna beat your ass