Dragonfly

anyway im in a space where yet again i want to find rwby fictives and have community but i know i wont bc the dread of knowing that if i go look for that community it will only last as long as I'm fronting. next time I'm here (could be months from now) it'll be something completely different. sigh

I am him, and I am a person

I don't really know what this is tbh.

being a fictive-heavy system thats also collectively muslim is... interesting sometimes

I can't physically sense my wings to give my mind an anchor, so I practice picturing them attached to me in my mind's eye, in as much detail and as many senses as I want. I focus on how my feathers may look as they glide over each other, how they'd feel brushing up against my skin, the weight of them, the sense of where my wings are in space in relation to the rest of my body, the soft sound of my feathers ruffling, my own familiar scent. Focusing on it can help my brain feel its presence easier, and the practicing builds on itself over time.

As someone who has phantom limbs 24/7– my ears, tail, and wings are part of my body, but in the same way I'm not always consciously aware of my physical limbs I'm not always consciously aware of my phantom ones, either, and they fluctuate in intensity (that is, in how "real" they feel). Sometimes I just have a faint suggestion of movement when my ears swivel or my tail swishes, and sometimes they might as well be physically present because they have weight and I can feel everything they're touching (which can get uncomfortable in chairs and stuff). Usually it's somewhere in between leaning toward the latter, but that's just me and it's different for every person. No matter how subtle or intense it is or where/how you feel it, if you feel the presence of body parts that aren't physically there it "counts" as a phantom body part!

in the case of my watcher identity, it's pretty interesting. because I'm a physical nonhuman, I have the body of a watcher and I can feel my wings all the time, outside or inside of my body, attached to my back all the time and either trupped under my skin or letting them out through... I'm gonna say transformation. I don't really have a world for it, they just phase through my skin and "go outside". I also get sometimes shifts of pointy ears, little wings over my ears and feathers behind them. tho these are not permanent and rare, they are part of my watcher body. sometimes I get phantom talons in my feet and claws in my hands, sometimes some sort of enderman tail. I'm debating if this limb is part of my watcher biology or just a funky cameo shift that got stuck in this body.

this is what being a system feels like