BSD stuff

I'm aware of that, thank you. Honestly I think it's stupid because it doesn't really align with my beliefs and I'm ashamed because it is literally superstition.... Also I don't want people to think I'm insane because of this slip.

Either way, I need to think about why am I like this currently and what is my mind trying to tell me. Thought I'd get some advice here but I guess all these people who follow me don't even seee on their dash (or they just don't care about my posts, which I assume is more likely, hell I even stopped drawing and posting for this reason)

I think it's not a secret that Dazai is one of my least favourite characters in the series, but the thing is I absolutely, passionately hate the real writer. A person that is even older than my great grandfather. A dead man. With that "Mark Twain towards Jane Austen" type of hate, only for slightly different reasons.

Now weirdness kicks in. In a lot of my dreams I see that person, same guy who I think represents everything wrong with people in the world, as my protective...um...thing. In a few of my early dreams he was a literal father (the first one was so funny tho that I just laughed it out) and in most others he was possessing animals and acted as a guidance and soothing of a sort.

And I have no idea why this happens because I genuinely don't think I'm a horrible person, in fact I'd like to be the "karma" for horrible people, bringing them misery, but instead I get this.

Either way, usually in my dreams, the cat is either black or a calico and tends to bump my shoulder and then rest/purr on my arm rather than the lap.

The thing is, this same behaviour appeared in a cat from a few days ago. I was having a complete meltdown in the park when I was approached by a white and ginger cat (which I haven't even seen in my neighborhood before) that literally tried to make me follow it somewhere and then gave up, bumped my shoulder a few times and settled on my arm until I stopped crying.

Of course, I know it's a coincidence, but the thing that got me thinking about this after it all happened was the fact that right before I actually sat down I was approached by a dog (that I have also haven't seen in my neighborhood before) whih looked exacty like my deceased dog I used to have for years....and it also seemed like it eanted me to follow it (but I didn't).