Just me

tumblr version of "you sir have won the internet. have an updoot"

man come on

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

after 2 years working outdoors all day i finally got stung by an onion for the first time yesterday and i wasnt even doing anything there wasnt even a nest nearby

a wasp. i was looking at a onion just now sorry

why do men have this eternal fear of being used for money they don’t have lol

the problem with personality tests and other similar quizzes is that they assume you know things about yourself. Which is simply not true

I’m obsessed with my 19 year old coworker. I was telling him about how my crashout divorced dad got a sugar mommy by going to random churches and having screaming sobbing breakdowns in the pews until a random rich christian widow was like ‘I can fix him’. And he went ‘yo thats tech. The meta is changing.’

hehehehehe * sudden moment of clarity that straightens my spine * what is this. who am I. * the clarity fades * hehehehehehe

is anybody gonna pet the gentle freak…….the gentle freak is gonna grow sad and anxious if nobody pets it……is nobody gonna pet the freak……nobody?…..nobody pet the gentle freak?…..

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

Last night we let the corpse thaw

If you don't do your dailies, you will literally die

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play