Dr. Ali Mills

It’s so nice to be back!

I’m still tired after the long flight from Kauai, there are clothes scattered all over the master bedroom, my phone shows dozen of missed calls, and there are a million unread emails in my inbox… but I don’t care. This vacation has been life-changing (in more ways than one), and for the first time in months I’m glad to be in the Valley.

Pablo is busy unpacking, upstairs. It will actually be a nice change for him to be here all the time, instead of trying to schedule hurried dates in our spare time. I know I’ve done the right thing, but I wonder what will the others think.

Anyway; after we’ve finished putting the house in order I need to do a round of calls, and maybe a few visits. It’s a good thing that I don’t have to go back to work until next week… But first things first: I have to check up on my son.

Why don’t you and Robby come to the beach house tomorrow for lunch? I’ll make a few sharing platters so we can sit and talk without worrying too much about the food. And of course Pablo will mix up some alcohol free cocktails for you working boys.

I’ll lend you the book when I’m finished if you want. Amelia was a fascinating woman, and I’m sure you’d think she was a real badass.

I’ll lend you the book when I’m finished if you want. Amelia was a fascinating woman, and I’m sure you’d think she was a real badass.

Thirty five years had passed by for us

But when I saw you again

Been feeling like probably the world’s biggest jackass on the drive to Bobby’s.  After some quiet time on the road with Robby glancing at his phone for the thousandth time…and finally dozing off next to me, I had allowed some thoughts to get through the stubborn block that is otherwise known as my brain.  

Robby had been too out of it to start any real conversation yet…and that’s cool by me because I’m coming down off of being majorly pissed off, being majorly sick to my stomach and being majorly…I dunno a huge jerk.  

The tunes had been cranked, letting Robby @robby-l-keene  know I wasn’t really in the mood for talking at the moment and I was grateful to him that he took up my cue.  I’ll sort that out later.  One bent emotion at a time. 

We stopped to take a leak and get something to eat at a run down, dusty gas station/diner (to which he complained yet again) I told him it was like that movie Over the Top…he just rolled his eyes and went inside.

Hit the speed dial on @dr-ali-mills.  “C’mon…pick up the phone…”  Goes to voicemail.  

“C’mon, Babe…I know you’re there…you can’t stay mad at me forever.  Pick up…Pick UP…PICKUPPPPP!!  I’m just gonna harass you until you do…Look…you know I’m a super double asshole with a cherry on top…Remember when you used to call me that? 

You also know it’s hard for me to admit that I screwed up again…and yeah…I did it again.  I’m sorry I lost it on you.  You didn’t deserve that.  You had your reasons.  Even though I’m not sure what the hell they are…skip that I’m getting off track…you know why you did it…you chicks have a code or something.  

Look…just know I don’t blame you and I ain’t mad at you and you can call me a jerk for a month and I’ll agree to it.  Just…I need you right now….Ok, Babe?  

Calling this place a ‘house’ is a gross understatement, of course: I was expecting some cute little bungalow, and instead I got a mansion, with its own private beach and everything. This is crazy! Pablo mentioned that his brother was in the music industry... but he must be a really big name producer if he has the kind of money to buy this huge villa.

Before leaving, my boyfriend-turned-delivery-boy shows me around, and he practically orders me to sit by the pool and rest while he brings dinner. I even doze off for a while... it’s been years since I fell asleep in the middle of the day, that’s a sign that I really needed this vacation. Between one thing and the other, it’s almost dinner time when I finally remember that I own a cell phone, and that I should call my children and tell them I’m all settled.

And then I see it. A message from Johnny, sent God knows how many hours before. Well, well.

I’m still angry with him. No, not with him... I’m angry with myself, for slipping into the role of Mother to everyone and not taking care of me. I have a long vacation in mind, and the last thing I need is to play armchair shrink on long distance calls.

I send a couple of loving voice messages to Pam and Jason, and then I decide to dictate one more.

“Hi, Johnny. I’m 2,500 miles away from the Valley right now, so not exactly available to chat. I’m not mad at you; I should have left you to your own devices long ago... you and all the others. You can take care of yourself, I hope, and if you can’t I’m sure Robby and the old Cobra boys will give you a hand.”

It’s starting to sound a teeny bit spiteful, so I take a deep breath and record a second part.

“You’re very important to me, Johnny. You always have and you always will. But I need to work on my relationship with Pablo, and on my peace of mind, or I’ll end up at Elevation keeping Shannon company. We’re going to be away at least four weeks... Jason has my address, you can give him a call if there’s an emergency. Take care, and give Robby and the boys a hug.”

After sending the message I take a sip of my Mai Tai and turn off my phone. I actually turn it off, for the first time in years, and I deposit it on the bottom of my purse. Then I look at the sea while I wait for Pablo to come back with our freshly made poke bowls.

Life can wait. Everything else can wait. This is paradise.

Ya’ll check on my sweet guy. He’s stuck in the house all day everyday with these beauties while I get the easy job of running a hotel.  He’s doing an awesome job, but going a little crazy from the lack of adult interactions.

I’m going to videocall Robby @robby-l-keene right now and ask him if there’s anything I can do to help. I remember being overwhelmed the first few months after Pam was born, and she was only one baby; I can imagine two must be twice the ‘fun’, poor boy.

Pablo sends you two and the tinies a hug too. He says that when the pandemic ends he’s making the biggest barbecue we’ve seen in our lives!

@dr-ali-mills​

(Jase) Hey Mom!

I hate I can’t see you.  We miss you.  Take care of yourself.  Oh, and check the patio table.  Enjoy dinner with Pablo on Robby and I.  Love ya!

I wish I could see you but my work at the hospital makes me a walking liability. Don’t worry about me, I’m covered in so many masks, gloves and surgical coats all day that you wouldn’t recognize me under all that stuff.

Dinner was delicious, and that wine was the perfect complement to it. You know, when the confinement started I thought Pablo and I had chosen the wrong moment for the ‘experiment’ of living together, but... I think we’ll make it. Especially if you keep sending us food and wine ;)

After Amanda leaves I realize I only have half an hour to get Johnny’s breakfast ready. For once in my life I hope my guest is late… but I know how hungry he is in the morning, so that’s not likely.

Having to set the table outside means I have to run back and forth between garden and kitchen a few times, but I manage to get it all ready five minutes before the time. Go, Ali! Being a mom really prepares you for moments like these…

And that’s a good time, because Johnny rings the bell just as I’m putting the last batch of pancakes on a tray. I take off my apron, open the door, and give him a bear hug… he’s going to need the food and the affection, because if yesterday’s talk with Amanda was hard, this is going to be even harder for him.

“Breakfast is in the back garden, as promised”, I say, handing him part of the food. “Here, you take the orange juice and the strawberries, and I’ll take charage of the pancakes. I hope you’re hungry, because I’ve made food for half a dozen people!”

I took a shower, but didn’t shave…the stubble was gritty on my chin…I looked in the mirror and thought someone was watching me again…but I was alone… thankfully. I didn’t get back to sleep…her words in my head…my resolve and anticipation…it was leaving me anxious and jittery not calm and relaxed as I had been with Robby earlier.

I threw on my faded blue jeans, comfortable STYX t-shirt and black leather jacket and let my hair air dry, curling naturally around my ears. I rode my bike down the semi congested streets… everyone already heading out of town for the holiday.

I got to her beach house on time, stomach growling and the sounds of waves crashing was the only thing I heard… apparently the voices had stopped…for now. I looked down the beach and saw a few couples walking…old and young…hand in hand…and my eyes started burning. I bit my lip and made my way to her door.

She opened it and threw her arms around me with the same energy she used to when we were dating…my hands hesitated for a moment, surprised at first, breaking out of my fog…I reached around and pulled her close, breathing in her smell…at the base of her hairline…I always loved the shampoo she used. It made her smell like teenaged Ali and the past.

She didn’t linger long shoving things in my hands and shoving me out the back door. Every time there has been something going on with me…she seems to have a sixth sense on just how to fix me…with food…and damn…was I hungry!

Johnny laughs as we sit down and start eating. The eggs and bacon keep him happy and occupied, and I take the chance to observe him closely. I’m a doctor, not a shrink… but it’s not hard to see the dark shadows under his eyes. The Golden Boy has been losing sleep. And not shaving. Should I be worried…?

“So, are you looking forward to your trip to the countryside?” I ask, hoping to find a comfortable topic. “You’ve always been a city boy, but I’m sure Bobby will have some fun things for you all to do while you’re there. Give him and all the others lots of hugs from me, will you? I miss the girls a lot.”

Johnny looks happier than ever when he tells me about his plans with Bobby and the boys, but in the end the feelings catch up with him. He tries not to show it, of course... I wish he hadn’t been raised in the ‘boys don’t cry’ era, but that’s absolutely not his fault.

When he goes back into the house I start picking up dishes and putting them on a tray. I get in through the kitchen door and put everything in the washing machine, thinking how am I going to introduce the topic of Amanda and her visit. Will Johnny think I’m sticking my nose in his life too much?