Matt

Update I tried to cheer myself up with pancakes!!! Bad news they just made me feel worse and I now don’t know what to do so yeah… I have no idea what to do with myself in the slightest and the only thing I’m able to do well is draw so yeah i might just have to force myself to do that so that I’m at least using my time for something more than just laying about and eating… but yeah didn’t help and everything I said in the last post are still true sadly

The last week I’ve been feeling like I am able to feel every emotion intensified but now I feel like I can’t and don’t wanna do anything… I just feel like shit and I don’t want to worry people in my life by telling them nor do I wanna feel pestered by those people… I just feel really heavy at the moment, like I don’t wanna move… I feel an overwhelming want to sh at the moment but also don’t want to move so it’s just shit and I don’t know what to do… I’m also just feeling really overwhelmed and uncomfortable by my body and memories and thoughts, I just don’t like this very much

I can’t lie I feel like shit… I want to sh but can’t because we’re having a heatwave and I wouldn’t be able hide it, the only way would be doing it on my thighs and that is inconvenient. I hate summer so much. Lately I’ve been on a diet, I’m trying to lose weight quickly so I haven’t been eating a lot it’s difficult to stop myself from scoffing food down like the pig I am… On a good note I’ve been watching both Law and Order SVU and Brooklyn 99!