Every bridge I see, I seem to burn

Sadly in the London Production [the chandelier] falls very slowly because of Health and Safety. I always wanted to have a block of seats in the middle of the stalls that were 50p each and you had to sign a form, saying “I sit in this seat at my own risk” and really have the chandelier belting down. In the Australian Production - naturally, them being Australians - the chandelier comes down at a hundred miles an hour and stops an inch above the heads of the audience, and is much more exciting. I’ve seen chandeliers fall now at productions all over the world and you can kind of tell which country you’re in by the speed of the chandelier.

I used to get mad when men would make jokes about how women’s periods make them irrational, but now I just remember that during Victorian times, a table’s legs were thought to arouse men so they invented table cloths to cover them up so men wouldn’t get erections during dinner