lala

theyre taking me out back behind the shed presumably to give me a medal for my valor and heroism

Am walking through Manhattan, there's a woman who can't be more than 25 in a big fur coat, walking with a cane, angrily saying into her headpiece "I want them them destroyed," I feel like an extra in a movie

Way more legit than Ragnar Benson.

everyone on the block hates me because I have to take my pet loose sheet of aluminum siding on a walk every day at 3am

supporting his lower back and neck so he can sit up like a newborn baby

My son is named YouTube and he loves smoking American Spirits

His chores are stay out of sight and don't break the sliding glass door

medieval peasants actually had access to far more Doritos than we do nowadays