transcript under cut cause i couldn't figure out how to add subtitle file AND trim the full season length video at the same time with the programs i have RIP me if i figure it out i'll reupload i guess
Cut to Red Base
Sarge: It's very simple. We use a flea flicker maneuver with a run and gun two by two approach, tactical ops will be... aw hell, who am I kidding? Grif, Donut, just go stand in the way of their bullets while me and Simmons 2.0 sneak around back to grab Lopez.
Donut: Sounds like a plan!
Grif: No it doesn't! How about this time we try something that doesn't involve me being shot at or run over.
Simmons: Would electrified be okay?
Grif: No!
Simmons: Well, I'm out of ideas.
Grif: Look, instead of running straight into enemy gunfire like we usually do, why don't we try some reconnaissance this time?
Donut: You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear a spy tuxedo-
Sarge: No.
Donut: -with a hidden spy camera-
Simmons: No.
Donut: -inside a tiny spy bow-tie-
Grif: No.
Donut: -or, I could wear a flower on my lapel-
Sarge: I said no!
Donut: -that sprays water in people's faces-
Simmons: Shut up Donut.
Donut: -no, a secret spy liquid, that would be awesome. (he chuckles, everyone stares)
Sarge and Simmons: No!
Grif: Maybe! Uh, I mean, no.
Donut: Oh, come on! I could be Double O Donut.
Simmons: You mean like, Doonut?
Donut: With a license to thrill, or be thrilled!
Sarge: Alright, since you're both so into the idea, Grif, Donut, you're on recon. Find us a way to break into their base, and report back on the double.
Grif: Great, more time alone with the idiot.
Donut: Grif, Grif, Grif, Grif, Grif, Grif! Lets pretend we're wearing super spy jet-packs! (Grif groans) No, no, no, no. Like this. (he makes jet-pack sounds as the scene transitions to a cliff while Donut continues to make jet-pack sounds)
Grif: Hey, can you not stop that for two seconds?
Donut: Come on Agent- (he clears his throat to speak with a lower voice) Come on Agent Grif, we've got to hurry if you want to save the princess from the evil goblin.
Grif: What princess? I thought you were pretending to be in a spy movie.
Donut: Look, my secret spy character gets to marry a beautiful princess in a castle, alright? Deal with it!
Grif: Donut, can you go find some higher ground or something?
Donut: But we're on higher ground now.
Grif: Why don't you use your jet pack to get to the highest ground?
Donut: Good idea! I bet the Blues won't think of that.
Grif: No, if they were that stupid we probably would've won by now.
Donut: Secret Agent Donut, to the rescue! (he makes more jet-pack noises as he runs off)
Grif: I could just shoot him. No one would ever have to know. No one.
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Murderbot is like “I hate how humans are always running off to get themselves killed. Anyway time for me to go get blown up or something and have my monthly catastrophic system failure.”
Greatest hits of FIFA cultural exchanges thus far:
Learning about flyovers and pyrotechnics at American games being a thing
Non-americans discovering the size of American football stadiums....for high schools in texas. Also the size of our stadiums in general.
Going to baseball games as a side treat! Lmao.
Non-americans losing their minds over "like, 100 petrol pumps," at buc-ees.
Related: Americans often forget how huge target and Walmart is.
People discovering American BBQ
Non-americans being obsessed with mid American restaurant chains like Golden Corral and Taco Bell
A lot of them really did feel god in this chile's apparently
The rightful obsession with waffle house
New understanding of American Big Drink With Ice supremacy as summer creeps in
Begrudging acceptance of mandatory water breaks during games
Americans realizing we have a Team USA and we are not, in fact, just "hosting our friends" from around the world — mostly because we won our first match and our team is decent??? Not amazing but not the worst.
Side rant: us women's football team is legendary good and we should care about that more like. Hello???
Admitting Americans are right about air conditioning
Related: the english team did warm ups in Florida RIP, and also the there's a video of the French team just being like fuck the heat, fuck the sun, this is so hot...
Americans who do not normally care about international football but fucking love a sport and cheering so we're just hyping whatever team is nearby, like we see a party and just show up and learn the chant. Like sorry many of us don't know shit about soccer but if we see a bunch of people in viking helmets or kilts or holding a bunch of flags and cheering we're game.
TAILGATING!!!!
I already said this but American yellow school bus is an international celebrity
The Scottish drank Boston dry of beer apparently, like they quadrupled what Boston normally sells for fourth of July weekend. SAM ADAMS HAD TO GET AN EMERGENCY BEER DELIVERY.
Also the English team fans got kicked out of The Londoner pub in Dallas after drinking 5,000 beers and going over max capacity lmao
Free refill drinks, tortilla chips & salsa.
So many non-americans are going to be here for the 4th of July for our 250th anniversary which is going to be great and hilarious
Non-americans discovering ranch as a beloved condiment
Non-americans understanding American obsession with hamburger now
Japan's homebase is in Texas and the cultural differences are frankly great and also the Japanese fans are SO NICE and helped clean up the stadium after a match???
All the short videos with the eagle screech (which I think is actually a hawk but whatever)
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i've had this garfield panel saved forever and i even marked in my calendar today as "the monday that wouldn't die" so uh. happy(?) monday the 22nd aka the monday that wouldn't die
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