dot through the heart and i'm to blame

Dell’s was busy but Dot liked when the place was full of people. She could feel the energy in the air and she loved the potential for chaos that the drunk college students brought in. As she poured another shot, she slid it over to the frat kid who had asked for it. Catching the eye of her favorite regular, she grinned at Nicole. “You want a shot too?” She always loved trying to get some of her regulars to take shots, if only because she liked helping them enjoy their night. “I got a few to hang out and chat with you, I think. The next wave of drinks shouldn’t happen for a bit for that group.”

Nicole sat in her favorite spot, obscured in a corner, shying away from the noise college students usually made. She traced the glass in front of her with a finger, keeping her gaze down for the better part of the hour. Until the excited screams by her side got her attention. Her eyes went from the excited guy walking back to his friends with a shot in his hands to the bartender behind the counter. A half-smile reached her lips, noticing the familiar face. Her tongue poked between her teeth briefly, eyes on the bottle. She didn’t remember ever speaking to dot outside Dell’s. But if anything, she preferred it. She liked Dot, and knew that if they had met under different circumstances they probably would’ve never talked to each other.  It was strange to be more comfortable around bartenders and drunks than regular people, but it was pretty much all Nicole could handle at the moment. She shrugged, but raised her empty glass at her. Yes, she could do with a shot. “Celebrating something over there? Or just— the usual dumb dudes”.

Dot leaned her hip up against the wall as she looked at Nicole. She liked how their relationship worked, someone to chat with as she worked was always a good time. Especially on nights where things were quiet and there wasn’t much else to do. Her coworkers were fine enough, but some of them had sticks up their asses with what they talked about. She poured a shot for Nicole with a grin,“Have I mentioned you're my favorite for always being down.” Some of the regulars never changed their routines and it was boring at best. Duncan at the end of the bar always ordered two beers and never got what Dot suggested. “Just a regular night for them. They always act like some big thing is happening for them. Maybe one of them finally got laid.”

Nicole mouthed a thank you, nodding as she watched Dot do her thing. A laugh caught in her throat, eyes narrowing in thought. “Uh—couple times, I think” she grabbed the shot, her fingers drumming against the glass. “That makes it…is it the hundredth time? Maybe hundred and first. Lost count last year”. She tapped the bottom of the glass softly, one swift move later she raised it to her lips, emptying it.  She let the liquor flow slowly down her throat, savoring the burn. She grimaced, clearing her throat before speaking. “And I’ll keep saying… I’m sure you tell that to everyone who’s not a sleaze or a messy drunk”. She spared a glance to the group, nose scrunching up in disgust. “Refuse to believe any of them could land anyone” she didn’t need the mental image. She looked back at Dot, “just started the shift, or on your way out?”.

“It has to be more than a hundred at this point,” Dot told her with a big grin. People like Nicole, though they weren’t friends outside of here, had made the transition to settling in much easier. She had been moving around for months before she finally found a home in White Crest, though sometimes she struggled to think of it as home. She still missed Miami and everything she had been forced to leave there. “So basically you and two other regulars,” Dot shot back, her grin still wide. “Everyone else comes here and always gets fucking toasted. Hard to keep a conversation going when Melody can’t remember what her last name is.” Dot was pretty sure she had slept with one of those guys and maybe a girl or two from that group, but kept that information to herself. “On my way out soon, but I’ll stick around for you if you want me,” She winked.

"Knew it" Nicole nodded in agreement, the hint of a smug smile reaching her face. Glancing down at the counter, she noticed she was almost done with the beer she had ordered. ignoring the empty glass in front of her, she chose to take a swing from the bottle. "Such an honor" she placed a hand to her heart, pretending to be touched. Even at her worst --back when she'd drink until blacking out-- she was never one to make a mess whenever she was drunk. She was usually found in a corner by herself, sulking. But before that, she turned more talkative. "Pretty sure that means I deserve a plaque or something, there--" glancing behind the counter past Dot, she pointed at a spot right above her head, narrowing her eyes. "Sure you got better plans than to stay and chat, no? People to see or..." she clicked her tongue, eyes finding the counter again. She wasn't exactly the best at conversation, even if she was slightly more open after one or two beers.

“I’ll let management know that you requested a plaque. I’m sure they’ll find a nice place for you on the wall,” Dot laughed. Nicole didn’t always match her energy when it came to things, but the siren didn’t care all that much. Plenty of people weren’t able to keep up with Dot. She was just glad that Nicole seemed entertained enough to stick around. She shrugged at the other woman,“I mean I could always go to one of the clubs or try to call one of my standbys, but I don’t have anything wild planned.” She blew out a puff of air,“I got like a hell of a lot of studying to do that I don’t want to.”

“Great, probably the only honor I’ll ever get. I’ll cherish it” she weakly tapped her table to celebrate, but her smile grew. Nicole lowered her gaze, slightly relieved she wasn’t being talked to just out of pity. It helped that she was usually in a good mood when she talked to Dot. Likely made her better at conversations. “For what it’s worth--” she raised her empty bottle, looking at her. “I do appreciate you shielding me from other drunks speaking to me” her lips pressed together into a thin smile. “You might be one of my favorites too-- can I get another one?” her tone was teasing as she slid her glass towards her.  “Ah. School shit--not that I’d be of any help, but what kinda stuff?”.

“It’s a pretty fucking sick honor to have. Anyone who asks you about it is going to be absolutely blown away by it,” Dot winked at Nicole before slipping away to pass someone else the beer they asked her for. Slipping the tip she got away, she returned to Nicole. “I’m your knight in shining armor,” She replied with another small laugh. It wasn't a selfless act though, she was pretty sure Nicole wouldn’t come back if she kept getting annoyed by people in the bar. Dot didn’t want to be left alone without someone cool to talk to. She poured Nicole’s drink quickly, sliding it back. “I don’t even fucking know, Nicole. I can’t pay attention in class half the time because I don’t care about what they’re teaching. I don’t even want to be there half the fucking time.”

At the mention of a knight in shining armor, Nicole rolled her eyes and let out a weak laugh. “Yeah, yeah...guess so. Thought knights were taller...but I don’t doubt you can beat people up”. She listened to Dot complain about school with a frown. “Fuck your master’s. Is dropping out a crazy suggestion?” scoffing, she grabbed her glass. She was in favor of people giving up. In her mind, there was a difference between persistence and just plain torturing yourself. “Join the circus or whatever it is people say these days...y’know I’m not--” pausing, her eyes moved upwards as she tried to remember the word. Actualizada. She snapped her fingers in an attempt to get the words out of her brain faster, “up to date with things”. Spending years as a dormant human  meant missing a great deal of things. Just hearing the word Instagram made her squirm uncomfortable.

“Tall people are overrated,” Dot huffed. She stood at a small 5’4”, but she thought her personality made her seem way taller than that. Even if it didn’t she’d still fight anyone who tried anything. Dropping out of her degree made her stomach squeeze uncomfortably, it was the last real connection she had to her life in the colony. Her family had picked the path for her and she hadn’t ever really needed to wonder what she wanted to do. “It wouldn’t be the craziest thing I ever did.” She just didn’t know what she would want to do after she left. This at least gave her a path to follow. She smiled a bit,“I could become an influencer.”

“Know what? You’re right” Nicole smirked, nodding to herself. “I’ll tell you, reaching the top shelf gets pretty boring” she tilted her glass at Dot, before taking a gulp. “Yeah? Jokes aside, nothing wrong with realizing something isn’t for you” she eyed her curiously.  “Unless you only needed to vent. Also fair” she shrugged, “don’t know you that well, obviously. But you seem scrappy. Like you’ll figure it out, whatever life throws at you”. She glanced up at her, eyebrows furrowed. The word seemed familiar enough, as if she had heard it in passing before. But couldn’t put it in context with Dot’s words. “What’s…” her cheeks felt hot, hoping she didn’t look too puzzled. She was unsure whether to voice her question. “Influencer--what do you mean by that?”

“I’m sure having people ask for help for shit is annoying too,” Dot replied, trying not to be jealous of people who were tall enough they could see what was on the top shelf. Her parents had told her that quitting things this far in was never worth it and she couldn’t help but hearing them now. “One issue is I put a fuck ton of money into this, it would kinda fucking blow to give up now after all that.” Sinking a couple of thousands into this just to drop out made her stomach turn, but staying in the program made her feel just as bad. Dot eyed Nicole for a moment before deciding not to tease her. “Like those models on Instagram who get paid just to be pretty and take pictures with products. I’m pretty enough for that.”

Nicole raised her glass, stopping halfway as she considered Dot argument. “Wait--yeah, you’re right. Lose your patience and shit” she mused, lips pressed together into a thin line. She glanced down, tapping lightly on the table as she heard the woman speak. She grimaced. Money, it was always about that. She despised the power it held over people. Clicking her tongue, she let out a bitter laugh. “Nevermind then, just gotta suffer. How long you got left?” despite her depressing tone, she spared a sympathetic look at Dot. She frowned, wondering what Instagram was really about. She hadn’t heard of the selling aspect before. Curious eyes fell on Dot, taking notice on her appearance for the first time. She couldn’t say she’d ever paid much attention to the way people looked. It wasn’t something she was particularly interested in. “Yeah...guess you are” resting her head on her hand, her eyes stayed on the woman. “Sounds easy. You should do it” eyebrows knitted together, it all sounded so simple.

“At least a year,” Dot sighed. It was fucked how long a year could feel when she was doing something that she didn’t like anymore. She sighed deeply for a moment, before shaking her head. “Don’t know if it’s worth sinking any more money in it though. One of those things where I put so much in, I don’t want to quit, but I don’t want to put anymore in.” She could hear her mother in the back of her mind, telling her that she wasn’t a quitter. Her parents had always wanted her to get this degree. It made it taste even more bitter. She let out a sharp laugh,“Wow, thanks. I’m glad that you guess I’m attractive. Nothing like that to make a girl feel sexy.” She really didn’t need anyone’s praise on her looks, but she certainly hadn’t expected that reaction. “Guess it sounds easier than it really is. The market is saturated with plenty of girls who look like me. It’s like applying to be a bartender in a town full of bartenders. You gotta be really good to make it.”

Concern flashed in Nicole’s eyes when she heard Dot’s sigh. Shit, that was fucked up. She wished she had the right words. But she was certain there was nothing she could say that would change the situation. She offered her glass instead. “Wanna get drunk and forget about stupid shit?”. The heat rising to her cheeks wasn’t down to the alcohol. She leaned back, examining Dot’s face for a moment. Sarcasm dripped from her words, even if she wasn’t always great at detecting it, this time it was obvious. Had she said something wrong? She considered what she had said. No...I don’t. I don’t guess” she had the habit of making things sound vague, never committing. Had she been sober, she would’ve felt mortified. And though she felt slightly embarrassed, she was capable of maintaining her gaze. “You’re obviously very…y’know” she let out a laugh. Going by her confidence, she assumed she didn’t need any explanation, but she felt the need to clear it up.  She saw it every time she was at Dell’s, drunks trying to flirt with Dot. But what she liked most about Dot was her personality. “You are good, though” no guessing this time, she made sure of it. “Pretty sure you’re everyone’s favorite in here” she knew the bar was pretty low, if she asked any drunk they would likely love anyone as long as they kept serving them. “Bet you’d be good at the Instagram thing too”.

A grin broke out on Dot’s face, she could do that. Getting drunk was the best way to deal with hard situations. “You know, that’s a great idea.” She had never been one to care much about drinking at work and none of her coworkers actually gave a fuck. She went to pour them both a shot, pausing as Nicole spoke again. An eyebrow raised and her grin slipped into a smaller smirk. As much as she hadn’t expected the first reaction, this was much more surprising. The Siren wasn’t complaining, not at all, but she hadn’t thought this would be how her shift went. “Well, Nicole, I didn’t realize you thought I was so good,” She teased, sliding the shot to Nicole finally. “Cheers to two hot ladies hanging out together.” She certainly made friends with a lot of her regulars, if only for the fun of it. The tips they gave her helped a lot too. Still she shrugged, pretending to be humble for once. “They just like it here. I’ll send you my handle if i ever decide to go through with the influencer thing.”

Nicole didn’t need many reasons to get drunk. November was the worst month of the year. There, that was reason enough. And if she could help Dot have a better time, it sounded like the right decision. “Yeah, yeah— pretend like... you don’t know” she waved her hand, taking the teasing in stride.  “Oh!— cheers” she lifted her glass to her, before drinking. She knew they weren’t technically friends. Or, were they? Maybe her definition of friendship was outdated. But she enjoyed Dot’s company, and she was easy to talk to, that was more than she could say for most people. She could second guess social interactions when sober. She eyed her carefully, knowing she’d regret what she was about to say. “Should be my last one— I drove here so...wanna make it home in one piece”. She wasn’t sure what a handle was. But she had already embarrassed herself with her little Instagram knowledge, she didn’t want to look like a fool again. Going by context, she assumed it was another word for page. “Great” “she slurred, “can’t wait to see your...handle” a proud, lopsided grin reached her lips.  “Do I… need a page or something to see?”

Shooting back the shot, Dot savored the burn in the back of her throat. It was things like drinking, drugs, sex, and a little bit of murder that made the siren feel alive. She had never been to have the time to enjoy emotions enough to live just off of that, but she could remember she was alive through the burn of adrenaline. Waving her hand, Dot pulled out her phone. “Let me call you an uber. Don’t need you to make a mistake behind the wheel. I can take a lot of blame for a lot of shit, but I’m not gonna with this.” She was a lot of things, a cheat, a murderer, but she wasn’t going to let someone die over a few drinks. No, if someone was going to die, it would be from something glorious. Like her own hands, though she would never think of killing Nicole. No she liked her and Dot didn’t like killing women anyways. “Next time you’re here I’ll help make you a page, if you don’t got one already.”

“Oh… no it’s— it’s alright. I’m very good” her smile was lazy, but Nicole believed it to be reassuring enough. Though the admission of her plans brought some of her natural self awareness back, it still wasn’t enough to change her intentions. She was great behind the wheel. She had to drive through bumpier roads at work. The way back home would be a piece of cake in comparison. And, she always wore her seatbelt. Safety first, right? With the alcohol in her system it was hard to see the flaws in her logic. Even if she could faintly register the mistake she’d be making, thanks to Dot’s words. “But my— I need my truck for…” eyebrows furrowed, she didn’t see much point in arguing when Dot already had the phone in her hand. As much as she wanted to argue, it had never been her strength. She didn’t fancy her chances fighting Dot. Shoulders slumped dramatically, a defeated sigh escaped her lips. “This is why— why you’re the only bartender I like” she rested her head on her hand, watching Dot on her phone. She was annoyed, but her sober self definitely would’ve appreciated someone looking out for her. She failed to remember what page they had been talking for a moment. “Hm? Oh, yes. Don’t have one no…don’t want one, I can barely keep up with that whole town forum shit”.

Dot made quick work of calling the uber, and showed the information to Nicole. “They’ll be here in a few, let’s get you all closed out. You’ll owe me for the ride, but you can settle that up next time you’re here.” She certainly didn’t want to give her anymore reason to stay here longer when she was still thinking of driving. “I’m the only bartender you like because I give you free drinks all the time,” Dot laughed. She brought over Nicole’s receipt,“Time to pay up.” She glanced around the bar, noticing that other customers were starting to slowly fill out. She hadn’t realized it was already that late, but sometimes she lost track of time with Nicole. “Yeah, yeah, Nicole. You’re an old soul who hates technology. I get it,” The siren said amused. “Uber’s here, let’s get you to the car.”

Although Orion didn’t have much of a break since he took classes over the summer, his body was still trying to readjust to the normal Fall classes getting started again. Before a few months ago, Rio had never worked a day in his life. Now between classes starting up, having a job at the funeral home and still trying to get the Scribrary archived, Rio found himself more exhausted than usual. But things were different this time. It wasn’t going to be like his freshman year of college where he wore himself into the ground and had a minor mental breakdown. He was determined to keep his head above water. Even if the surface right now was a general education English class that Rio found himself constantly yawning in. As his mind would begin to wander, his hunter hearing started straying from the professor’s voice and around the classroom. He could hear the music from people’s phones as they ignored a lecture, the light snoring from a kid in the back of the class, and then the sounds of a few kids laughing, probably at someone else’s expense. Rio spotted the three, glancing over at the TA and talking about something Rio couldn’t quite make out because his hearing decided it was much more interested in another student’s podcast that just started on their headphones a few seats up. Rio sighed and rubbed at his eyes, trying to refocus on the professor. None of that was his business anyways.

The longer Dot had to TA for classes like this, the more often she thought about just quitting her degree. She didn’t want to teach these bratty kids who didn’t seem to get that they had to work to actually get a good grade in the class. Instead they thought bothering her into changing their grades would work. Hell fucking no. Dot had worked her fucking ass off in college to graduate summa cum laude and if she could do it as a double major with a minor, these fucking assholes could do the work. She was finishing grading some quizzes when the Three Dumbassteers slinked their way over. She glanced up with a dull expression,“No I am not changing your grade, Mark. Maybe if you stopped talking in class you would do better.” Whatever the ratty freshman quipped back at her, she ignored. As the three students continued to pester her, Dot pointed at a student nearby who had just rubbed his eyes, keeping her voice low so as to not interrupt anyone trying to focus,“Do you see him bothering me over grades? No? Great, be like him. I like him. He is good and not annoying me!”

Minding his business was exactly what Orion had planned on doing before the TA was pointing over in his direction. “ Rio perked up immediately, his face flushing a bright red as all four of them looked over at him. Rio smiled nervously, holding up his hand in a small, motionless wave. The three scowled at him and Rio felt his face burning in embarrassment. The TA was right, it wasn’t like Rio was trying to pester her for help with grades. He had been doing fine with the exams and papers. As long as they did the readings the material wasn’t extremely difficult. At least Rio didn’t think so. Despite the embarrassment from being put on the spot, he wasn’t going to claim that the compliment from the TA wasn’t flattering. “Oh uh- Thanks. I mean… I’m sure if you all just got a little bit ahead on the readings it’d be easier to follow along, yeah?” Rio suggested, trying to remain as neutral as possible. Apparently, it didn’t seem to impress the three too much whose scowls only deepened. Since they already weren’t fans of Rio, why not try to side with the one who actually seemed to like him. “Hey uh- I mean if she even considered that she could potentially lose her position. That’s a bit unfair, don’t you think?”

Aw, what a cutie, he was embarrassed that she called him out. Dot loved when people got embarrassed from something she did. It was honestly just so much fun. She could marry this kid for even suggesting that other people do the reading. “You’re my new favorite.” She turned to the other three,“If you did the readings you probably wouldn’t even need to pay attention in class, so you could sit there and do whatever.” She wouldn’t even be annoyed if that's what they did as long as they had the grades to get away with that. There were some people in class Dot would never bother because of how well they were doing, even if they slept the whole time. “I could if they thought I was doing what you’re asking me to,” She confirmed, giving the three her best disappointed look. The three grumbled about it not being fair before sulking back to their seats. Dot turned to Rio again,“Let me buy you a coffee after class for that.”

New favorite? Orion felt a wave of flattery and embarrassment wash over him. He wasn’t exactly new to the idea. In high school, it didn’t take much to be a teacher’s favorite. Rio was quiet and turned his work in on time and that basically made him a lot of the teacher’s star pupil. But here in college, it had rendered him practically invisible. The three student’s weren’t happy about the TA’s decision and they complained about her while shooting dirty looks at Rio. He hoped that didn’t come back to haunt him. Those guys looked like the typical frat tools that Rio had always tried to purposefully avoid, but he was pretty sure that they weren’t part of Adam’s. Adam’s frat seemed way too chill to worry about asking teachers for grade raises and silently threatening fellow students. “Uh- really?” Rio found himself asking when she offered to buy him coffee, “You don’t have to. Like, you don’t owe me anything.” Though he didn’t hate the idea. Not that Rio drank coffee, but he could get a hot chocolate. “I just can’t believe they actually expected you to change their grades, y’know? Does that happen a lot?”

Maybe Dot would get rid of one of them if they asked her again. They looked healthy enough to be tasty, but she was trying not to eat her students. It was a little too close to home she supposed and she really couldn’t deal with how sad the rest of the class would get. It just wouldn’t be good for her skin. Other people’s sadness made her breakout. “Eh, I want to.” If he questioned it again though, she wasn’t sure how tempted she would be to go through with it. She nodded as she circled another wrong answer. “Yep. All the time actually. They think I get it because I’m around your age. I never asked anyone to help my grade.”

Perhaps it was because Orion never connected with many people in school that made the idea that someone wanted to grab coffee with him so completely unbelievable. For the most part, the friends that he had made had mostly been through forced encounters that grew into friendship. Blanche and the club plus acting class. Winston with anime night and sleep walking into the Scribrary. He had been stranded in a house with Layla overnight to escape a vampire. But this was different. A stranger that had casually suggested grabbing a coffee after class. Was this how normal people made friends? “Right. Yeah of course. I’d love to then.” He wasn’t convinced he wouldn’t be awkward as heck, but he wanted to take that risk. “Right. I can’t tell if I’m surprised or not.” Just based on his high school experience, Rio remembered the types that were constantly buddying up with the more motivated people in class to get “help” with assignments. Plus the teacher’s engrossed by school sports that always let things slide by. Maybe he had hope that people that got to college might be a bit more enthusiastic about learning. “But oh well I guess. Honestly, I think it’s kind of funny how confident they looked walking up to you. Made their deflation just a tiny bit more satisfying.” Rio allowed himself to try for a joke partnered with a small grin.