BE THAT DAD !

“Betrayed by my own butt yet again.”

“Can you explain memes to me?”

“Contrary to popular belief, penguins are… birds.”

“Did you think I was gonna stab you just now?”

“Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I swear to god if you cry again.”

“Don’t write checks your dick can’t cash.”

“Here’s to bad decisions and relaxed moral values.”

“How’s the…… jeeeeeeeeeesus?”

“I am a happy little cheese monster.”

“I am spinning a web of lies that I fear will one day consume me.”

“I don’t want your stupid fruit leather.”

“I have to get a solid two to three hours of brooding in per day. Filling quotas.”

“It’s called ‘string cheese’ and not ‘chompy cheese’ for a reason.”

“I’ll probably end up standing uncomfortably in the corner with a plate of food and hope that nobody talks to me.”

“I’m so many levels of irony deep I’ve forgotten what humour is.”

“I’m suddenly struck with the overwhelming need to crawl back into bed.”

“Mothman is bullshit.”

“My ultimate sexual fantasy is sleeping in on a Saturday.”

“OH SHIT THAT’S A KNIFE.”

“See you in class… bitch.”

“Sharks are tight.”

“So, you ever kill a man?”

“Stop being so desperate to please your hot friend.”

“That… that is a good butt.”

“The key to being cool is acting like you don’t care about anything but actually care very deeply about everything to the point where it’s debilitating.”

“This ice cream cake is my new boyfriend.”

“This is where I come to masturbate.”

“Wait, I’m a wreck.”

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.”

“You can never be too careful. See that baby in that stroller over there? Government operative.”

“Your face… is… good.”

a few sentences from tangled. there maybe be a part dos at some point!

‘ when will my life begin? ‘

‘ all the things we’ve seen and it’s only eight in the morning! ‘

‘ don’t let her/him see you! ‘

‘ i’m not getting any younger down here. ‘

‘ boy, i could get used to a view like this… yep, i’m used to it. ‘

‘ how do you do that every day wihout fail? ‘

‘ it looks so exhausting! ‘

‘ then why does it take so long? ‘

‘ i’m only kidding. ‘

‘ look at that young, attractive woman. oh, look, you’re here too. ‘

‘ i’m feeling a little run down. ‘

‘ look at you, as fragile as a flower. ‘

‘ guess i always knew this day was coming. ‘

‘ mother knows best. ‘

‘ something will go wrong, i swear. ‘

‘ stop, no more! you’ll just upset me! ‘

‘ on your own, you won’t survive. ‘

‘ no, no. no no no no no… this is bad… this is very bad. ‘

‘ i can’t believe that even with all we’ve been through together, you still can’t trust me. ‘

‘ alone at last. ‘

‘ i’ve got a person in my closet. ‘

‘ you know i hate leaving you after a fight, especially when i’ve done nothing wrong. ‘

‘ ugh. great. now i’m the bad guy. ‘

‘ well that is a very long trip! ‘

‘ you sure you’ll be alright on your own? ‘

‘ but may i just say…. hi. ‘

‘ will you stop that? ‘

‘ call it what you will ; fate, destiny.. ‘

‘ when i promise something, i never ever break that promise. ever. ‘

‘ here comes the smolder. ‘

‘ this is kind of an off day for me ; this doesn’t usually happen. ‘

‘ here i go! ‘

‘ for, like, the first time ever, i’m completely free! ‘

‘ i can’t believe i did this! i can’t believe i did this. ‘

‘ oh my gosh, this will kill her/him. ‘

‘ i am a despicable human being. ‘

‘ you just got to do it. ‘

‘ a little rebellion is natural, healthy, even. ‘

‘ you’ll know it when you smell it. ‘

‘ find your humanity! ‘