I have been asking myself that question for the larger part of 2019 and while I may be the only one, I am also struggling to understand death and the fact that there is no rhyme or reasons behind it- you’re simply born and then die.
I am struggling to understand why I am not supposed to question YOUR Will. If you don’t make mistakes then, was this intentional? Like Carmelo Anthony said, “it just seems like it always rains the hardest on those who deserve the sun.” That Sunday, a week after their oldest turned 17- The Bryants woke up, went to your house and left to their doom. If everything happens for a reason, what could that reason possibly be? Rob a family of their husband/father AND daughter/sister? What could possibly be better than growing old and seeing their 4 daughters build their own lives and fulfill their fathers legacy?
It’s not just the Bryant tragedy obviously because the Altibelli children have lost both their parents and younger sister; the Chester family lost Sarah and Peyton, Coach Mauser leaves behind a husband and Ara Zobayan leaves behind loved ones as well.
It’s about so much more..
It’s about the Catholic faith and the tremendous efforts they make to protect pedophiles.
It’s about an entire culture allowing rich white males like Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein get away with both assaulting women and children.
It’s about the Corona Virus.
It’s about Cancer and how I am sure there’s a cure but the illness brings in too much money.
It’s about stressing the important of health but making it difficult to receive medical care.
It’s about the homeless epidemic.
It’s about education and high level of debt that one has to sign up for in order to obtain it and “be qualified.”
It’s about men being valued more than women.
It;’s about women still in 2020 being treated like second class.. why should MEN have a say in a woman’s choice to abort?
It’s about living wages and taxes.
Why cant there be good without evil? Is this really about Eve eating an apple?
It’s about the millions of animals euthanized every year in America alone!
It’s about how we treat our Veterans upon return and how we create a system to purposely avoid giving them the help they deserve.
It’s about how our senior citizens cant afford to sustain themselves and how expensive everything becomes for them.
I am just so disheartened, disappointed and tired and while I have never had a connection with you, I just cant help question all those, like my mother that have blind faith in you that get discarded.
As far as me, I’m no one. I haven’t done anything spectacular- I haven’t made a difference nor do I inspire people on a daily. My life doesn’t necessarily matter but people like Paul Walker who used their efforts, fame and status to help others (ROWW) or Bryant who focused on inspiring and uplifting our youth (MSA, Granity). Scientist such as Wallace Smith Broecker, who popularized the term "global warming" as he raised early alarms about climate change. Slowly you leave us with people such as Donald Trump or the Castro’s in Cuban and the communists in other countries.
There is so much suffering with no end in sight. It feels like you’re born to suffer with sprinkles of happiness and joy to keep you going but what you don’t realize is that- mostly you’ll face a life of sacrifice filled with insecurities and fear.
I wish things were a little more black and white. A little more fair. Where if you got arrested you didn’t have to provide an alibi to prove your innocence. Feels like generally- you’re guilty until proven innocent and not the other way around. Where the public isn’t scared of the very police protecting them and vise versa.
If, in fact, you exist- and you are there, and we are your children - well, we need help.
If you don’t make mistakes then shine some light on:
Our LGBTQ community.. You have an entire world of religions that condemn them and they should have to fear for their lives so open everyones hearts and eyes- remind them you don’t make mistakes; after all you’ve made us all in your image..
Our Australian brothers and sisters need you to have some mercy on them..
Our Central American counties seeking safe passage
Our Earth on the verge of implosion with climate change and the ignorance around..
In the meantime, I guess I await my turn- filled with guilt, lacking purpose and hoping to find the strength to believe in something.
