mlet

and so when he sneaks into the movie theaters he’s really gotta sneak. he tells molly mathews to go ahead and leave at dismissal, he’s staying after for… chess club, or something she’d have no idea about, to tell her brother he’s gonna call for a ride later. and he’ll get to see whatever he wants to see because he’s small and quiet and nobody notices, and when he doesn’t call home for a ride later, he’ll get jumped by the socs and they’ll scare him but it never really gets out of hand. not usually. they oughta be more careful, he’s just a kid, and maybe when he got his neck cut up that one afternoon he should’ve known it was a sign.

he tries not to cry ‘cause he’s scared and only gets a little embarrassed when darry puts a bandaid on the cut, and he tries to steal a cigarette off dally but is caught like usual—“you gotta be at least thirteen for that, kid.”—and he only stops to listen in for a minute when soda mentions they’re going to the game tonight.

but steve says no kids allowed and pony whines and johnny says “aw, pony, you’ll find something to do.” and then dally brings up the drive-in, and pony’s eyes light up and he looks over to darry and practically begs his brother to let him go, and darry says alright. cause pony’s still a little kid and his fourth grade teacher doesn’t give homework on fridays, and as long as he stays with johnny and dally, and as long as the movies that are playing aren’t too grown-up, and as long as he’s home before his curfew and so on. pony and darry get along just a little better here because that bigger age gap—ten and a half years!—really puts darry into always having been more of an authority figure in pony’s life. and if you can’t tell, this story isn’t supposed to be about them anyway, so it’s fine.

the drive-in is fun. they sit behind a couple of girls and when johnny convinces dally to leave her alone, one of them asks if he’s soda’s little brother and lets him talk and talk about whatever he wants, and her name is cherry valance and offers to buy pony a pepsi so of COURSE he takes her up on it. there’s a couple of socs milling around the concession stand and one of them calls cherry out asking why she bothers babysitting the little grease stain and she rolls her eyes and grabs his hand and pulls him into line with her and he’s still yammering on about whatever’s on his mind thinking “wow this cool teenager is listening to me!” because none of his friends—his brothers’ friends, really—are like that. well, they listen, johnny and soda specifically, but there’s something so different about when you’re a kid and somebody who you don’t see as being obligated to listen to you, does. like he’s seeing there’s people out there like him, people who are older and wiser, and that’s just—it’s nice. especially for a lonely kid like him.

anyway. so there’s a lot of whispering that night. dallas winston hitting on cherry valance, she’s hanging around with sodapop curtis’ little brother, and two-bit mathews and that kid johnny cade they beat up last spring, and you know, it’s gossip, it’s like playing telephone. by the time it gets around to guys like bob and his friends, the story’s been twisted. and they’re drunk. and angry, because cherry and marcia ditched them, and well. that confrontation during the walk home still happens. except maybe when cherry refuses to get in the car, she dumps bob then and there. they don’t even bother fighting. cherry tells bob he’s insane. what does he think she’s doing, cheating on him? pony’s a little kid! she remembered hearing how his parents died. she had gone to school with his brother, you know? ponyboy seemed quiet. kinda sad. she was just being nice.

but that’s not really what bob’s all worried about. ‘cause when cherry ditched him at the drive-in he and randy got wasted and headed to the football game and word on the street there was that as of that night, sodapop curtis is single again. bob’s sober enough to remember the way girls talk about that kid and drunk enough to jump to conclusions ‘cause he knows even cherry isn’t immune to that charm. especially not later that night when one of his buddies who stuck around at the drive-in tells him they overheard cherry call soda a “doll.” and that she was hanging around his little brother.

and then. bob and the socs leave, with a threat or two thrown in the direction of the greasers, and two-bit and johnny walk the girls to a payphone to call for a ride, and then they walk pony home. they make sure he gets in the house all good, in the door before darry can even be worried. he’ll tuck the kid in and pony will ask him to stay because soda’s not home yet, but he’s older and as far as darry’s concerned soda uses his head. he probably just went over to sandy’s for the night. no big deal. two-bit goes home. johnny heads home but decides to wander the neighborhood for a bit because his parents are nuts and he’s still spooked from the socs and all. and it’s cold, you know, the gang will get on him about sleeping in the lot and soda and steve told him where the key is to the garage at the dx where they work on the cars, and their boss is nice, he turns a blind eye sometimes to johnny finding shelter for the night there every once in a blue moon. so he starts walking.

meanwhile, soda’s having the worst night of his life (well. second worst. his parents are dead.), he’s a heartbroken fucking mess, walking home from the football game alone because steve and evie ditched basically right after the four of them got there and. you know. sandy is leaving for florida. leaving him. whether she wants to or not. whether he loves her or not. he’s taking the long way home, walking all alone in the dark despite his better judgment because he knows darry will be mad at him but doesn’t really care. darry just worries, soda knows that. and honestly he thinks if he had to sit now—in a car, or just go straight home, whatever—he would go insane. so he’s walking. and he’s thinking about sandy, and how he can get her to stay. he could marry her. his kid or not, whether she asked to be in this situation or not, he loves her, and he thinks hopes dreams that she loves him too. and he’s been hiding his mom’s engagement ring in one of the toolboxes because darry wanted to sell it when their parents died and pony wanted to bury it with them and soda was being selfish and never wanted to part with it. he was gonna use it one day. maybe that day is coming sooner than he thought. maybe things will be okay. so he keeps walking.

they meet in the parking lot. johnny fills soda in on the night he’s had, mostly cause johnny jumped a mile when soda called his name, and nearly pulled his switchblade on him. “can’t be any worse than mine,” soda mutters, and then he’s rooting around in his pocket to see if he’s got any spare change ‘cause he figures johnny’s probably hungry and soda doesn’t like to take things from the dx conscience store without paying—he works there, he’d be stealing from his own paycheck—and that’s when the color drains from johnny’s face and soda follows his eyes to the road. a blue mustang pulls into the parking lot. it’s packed with kids soda hasn’t seen since he dropped out of school last june. socs. and one of them’s got three big, clunky rings made of probably pure gold. worth more than his mama’s engagement ring, that’s for damn sure.

and in the end soda doesn’t even know what they were fighting over. something about stealing bob sheldon’s girl? trying to? soda doesn’t even know who the guy is dating. he hasn’t really spoken to any girls except sandy since they started dating, not like that—other girls have tried talking to him, sure but they just aren’t her and even if they were like sandy, who cares? he’s in love—and he’s a little lacking in the gossip department. that’s what happens when you drop out of high school and work full time at a gas station. again, at the present moment, the only girl he cares about is sandy. he wonders just how drunk bob is—he can smell the alcohol on his breath a mile away. man, this is why soda doesn’t drink. he gets stuck in his emotions enough as it is; he doesn’t need help feeling. he doesn’t need help acting on it either.

and johnny’s there. his buddy, his friend, who started shaking in fear four months ago and hasn’t stopped since. there’s a cold look in johnny’s eyes and soda feels that familiar rush in his veins. soda’s a good fighter, you know. he’s never lost, not really. not when it counted. but he can’t help but wonder if it’s because he’s never fought for his life before. it kinda feels like it now, but then again, everything’s tinged red, this feels normal. to him anyway. this is how he’s always felt in a fight. adrenaline coursing through his veins like it’s all he was meant for. like it’s all he’s good for. sometimes it feels like it is.

next thing soda knows, bob’s foot is slamming into his bad knee—the one he permanently messed up years ago at the rodeo, because of course he did, everything he loves leaves him eventually—and it buckles. he crumples to the ground. something smells like gas. well, they’re at a gas station, makes sense. the hose from the gas pump is being wrapped around his neck and he can’t breathe and people are laughing, and for some reason he thinks to himself in the moment, “man, i hope nobody lights a cigarette. that would suck.”

he only blacks out for a few seconds but when reality washes over him, the socs are gone. all but one, in the ground. there’s blood and gasoline pooling around where soda’s kneeling next to the body.

body. oh god. soda wants to be sick but he thinks he’ll choke again if he throws up. his neck and throat hurt real bad. come to think of it so do his knee and his head. johnny looks green and his hands are covered in blood. so’s his knife. so’s bob sheldon.

johnny grabs him and yanks him up and soda tries to scream but it hurts too much to even whisper. johnny says something about going to dally’s. they just run, or do the best they can ‘cause soda’s knee is killing him, until they get out towards buck’s and soda wants to ask “what’re we gonna do, steal a horse and ride off into the unknown? you killed a guy, johnny!” but he doesn’t because it’s not gonna help at this point and soda knows that. he also knows johnny saved his life. he oughta be grateful.

dally agrees to get them the hell out of town, but not before soda demands some paper and a pen. he’s gotta tell his brothers something—especially cause now he doesn’t know if he’ll ever see them again.

he doesn’t know anything. except that somebody died because of him and maybe also that there’s no way he’ll ever get to marry sandy now. and maybe just maybe he can never go home again. and for a guy like soda, a person who stays—that’s the worst feeling in the world.

soda just wants his brothers. and for all he understands everybody, right now he’s got no idea what to do with poor johnny cade.

seven hours later ponyboy is sitting on the living room couch with two-bit, eating cereal and chocolate cake (he’s a growing boy!) and watching saturday morning cartoons while darry swears at the leaky faucet in the kitchen, and then steve crashes through the front door.

“thought you were working this morning?” darry asks, not that interested, but more to make conversation and because he’s tired of that stupid kitchen sink. and steve goes “where’s soda?” and darry’s like, “sandy’s, I’ll bet. he never came home last night.”

except steve shakes his head. “he’s definitely not at sandy’s.” “why not?” “they broke up—” everyone looks over, but steve barrels on. “you’re sure you don’t know where he is?” darry nods. he forgets about the sink. “what’s going on?”

“got to work this morning, and the boss was standing out there, pissed as all hell. entire place was taped off. cops everywhere. i heard one of ‘em talking. somebody found a body last night—”

pony spills his cereal bowl. darry doesn’t even notice. pony doesn’t either. neither of them breathe until:

“—said it was that soc kid. same one who cut up johnny’s face. bob sheldon.”

well @haljordangreenjedi reminded me there was more to this, so here’s a part 2!

darry is so so scared of the Desolation. not necessarily in the fire sense. in the “everything i love is being destroyed” sense. in the catastrophe sense.

I absolutely love that as a fandom we’re starting to humanize him and recognize his character for more than just a comedic bystander. But sometimes it feels like the pendulum now swings too far in the other direction, and some of these takes have turned him into a completely different character.

Yes, Soda is more than just his sweetness. He’s got anger and recklessness and grief, too. But exploring and developing that hidden depth shouldn’t be at the expense of his compassion and good-nature, which are still fundamental parts of his character. The sweetness doesn’t stop existing just because he’s also capable of darkness. They can and should coexist: that’s the entire point of complexity.

I keep seeing posts that use Ponyboy’s unreliable narration to argue away Soda’s sweetness, and I’ll be honest, it irritates me. Ponyboy is misguided, but he’s not outright wrong about what he observes. Darry is hard and cold. Johnny is frightened and nervous. Dally is tough and mean. And Soda is reckless and compassionate. Ponyboy might miss the subtlety of motivation (Darry is harsh, but not because he hates his brother) but he’s truthful about what’s externally obvious.

And yes, Ponyboy idolizes Soda, but the cause of his hero worship is rooted in Soda’s kindness towards him. If Darry were more emotionally present, Ponyboy would likely idolize him, too. But Ponyboy’s hero worship doesn’t cause him to erase Soda’s flaws. In fact, he calls them out on multiple occasions—Soda’s recklessness, his academic failures, his inability to take anything seriously. Pony is even embarrassed by Soda when Cherry asks about him dropping out.

Similarly important to note is that Ponyboy isn't the only one who puts Soda on a golden pedestal. Darry is equally guilty of idealizing his brother, and it's because of the emotional labor Soda does for his family; not because Ponyboy has crafted a completely different version of his brother for the readers.

The fandom wants a complex Soda, and so do I. But complexity doesn’t equate darkness! His core traits don't need to be erased to prop up a version of the character that’s unrecognizably gritty and twisted. Soda is interesting because he’s kind. He’s interesting because he’s emotionally intelligent. He’s interesting because he listens. These things don’t make him perfect! They’re both his strength and his weakness.

Soda who lets himself be walked over. Soda who keeps the peace at the expense of voicing his honest opinion. Soda who hides pain with a manic glimmer in his eyes. Soda who holds it in until he can’t. Soda who explodes in grief or anger when pushed to his breaking point. Soda who can’t sit still. Soda who embraces his “stupidity” like a badge of honor to hide how much it hurts. Soda who nobody really knows, because he protects himself by focusing on others. Soda with a fear of abandonment. Glass child Sodapop. Beautiful and invisible. Slowly being killed by the pressure of a role he’s not strong enough to perform.

And yes, he's also angry. He's also reckless. He's also easily distracted and can't sit still and likes to fight. But good characterization happens when you explore these traits within the context of the other ones. The gentleness and roughness are not mutually exclusive; they can and should go hand in hand.

Instead of “oh I bet Ponyboy is lying, Soda probably yells at him all the time,” consider: what in Soda’s life would be hurtful enough to push him to yell at Ponyboy? Instead of “Ponyboy’s naive, I bet Soda drinks like crazy,” consider: what deeper motivation might keep Soda from drinking?

That's complexity.

Of course everyone has a right to interpret the character differently. And I'm not arguing against headcanons and aus—I just wish we could recognize them as headcanons, instead of trying to twist canon into supporting our own personal characterization. The dark takes are certainly interesting, and fun to toss around. But please, don't discredit the rich depth of his canon characterization as "not gritty enough;" Soda doesn't have to drink, scream, or be Dally to be interesting.

I'm gonna elaborate on this

Ponyboy's an avatar of the end ; being so connected to death and dreams, he can't escape the concept of people dying or dying himself. he's been touched by the desolation, losing his friends to the flames both physical and metaphorical. he's been victim to the eye, always judged and percieved like some monster because of the stuff in his hair and the people the papers associate him with.

Darry's an avatar of the buried, after being trapped into a town where there's nothing he can do but struggle with the financial and mental burden of the loss of his parents. he feels lost, he might even fall victim of the spiral.

Two-Bit may be a victim of the corruption, but he's an avatar of the vast. he's up in his head, always searching for something new — something big. the shows on the television a distraction, keeping himself away from whatever dangerous mission he may be looking for.

Johnny and Dallas are avatars of the desolation ; but Johnny, he falls victim to the slaughter and the lonely. Dallas, is an avatar too of the hunt, always hungry for more. Always striving for more, never feeling fulfilled.

Soda is an avatar of the spiral, never ever quite being himself — but knowing to put up a front when it's necessary. he stresses over dealing with the aggression at home every other night, dealing with the idea of having to mourn for his family and his friends because they shouldn't be dead in the first place. he's gonna drive himself mad one of these days.