We desperately need clinical trials for the use of Ketamine against depression.
Ketamine is the only drug, legal or illegal, that has ever been able to make me feel less depressed long-term.
The downside to this is that Ketamine, when bought illegally, can be very easy to binge on for the high, and can be of unknown purity.
I wish there was some way for me to prevent going on dangerous binges on Ketamine, or risk my life, just to not want to feel suicidal. Like, idk, a prescription??
The NHS refuses to offer me therapy. When I was in my teens, I wasn't given therapy for my depression, which is why I turned to drugs.
And now, because I use drugs, the NHS refuses to allow me access to therapy, instead referring me to the drug and alcohol abuse service.
But I'm not addicted. I stopped using Ketamine for a month, and it was easy from a withdrawal standpoint. Easier to stop taking than typical antidepressants, SSRIs.
When I stopped taking it, my depression returned heavily after about a week. I was stabbing my balloons because otherwise I'd hurt myself.
I do not have a drug problem with Ketamine. I have a mental health problem with depression, that's going untreated by the NHS.
They'd rather shrug and keep giving me benefits than help me with my trauma and depression. If I got therapy, I wouldn't use Ketamine. I could get a job.
But even after I quit for a month to prove I wasn't an addict, the NHS still refused to give me therapy for a diagnosed mental health issue.
The council is completely useless. Despite the fact that my depression can be traced back to trauma caused by their neglect, they don't care.
They want to find any excuse to kick my out of my flat, citing lack of attendance to education (which my fucking DOCTOR says isn't my fault).
So here I am, stuck without any form of therapy for my issues, slowly going insane, waiting until I inevitably die of drugs or suicide.
This is the country we live in, where the council gets a 13 year old raped, neglects her for years, and then shrugs as she loses her mind.
I don't want to be on benefits. I don't want to use drugs. I feel like a leech. But until I get professional help, I'm completely stuck.
What the fuck am I supposed to do? This country is content to watch me slowly die.
Fuck England.