UNLOCK THIS CAR DOOR OR SO HELP ME!

Because my child is now TikTok famous she isn’t responding to my text messages so IF YOU ARE READING THIS WASH YOUR HANDS THERE IS A VIRUS GOING AROUND

It’s summer and my kids are finally home, yet have I seen them? No, well, Ive seen one of them so guess who’s getting the $5 to my name when I die?

my daughter needs to go to sleep. she is sleep deprived, and im pretty sure she hasnt eaten in 24hrs. GO TO SLEEP STOP TEXTING ME DO YOUR HOMEWORK SOONER.

To all my children out there that are stressed and feel like everything is falling apart, I love you and I’m proud of you you are doing amazing ❤️

I think I might go visit my child, and it’s not because it’s -14 here and in the 50s there, it’s because I miss them. Obviously. #imtoooldtobecold #icantdolaundrycausemywatersfrozen #myarthritisneedstochill

Just splurged a bit and got myself some AirPods. Have fun trying to talk to me now broke ass child! #icanthearpoor #youcantsitwithme #torichtocareaboutthebroke

Finally figured out how to download tinder #youregettinganewdad #feedyourselfimgoingonadate #loveatfirstswipe #maybeilljustlookforasugardaddy

I have found an even more natural way of falling asleep other than taking melatonin, all I have to do is talk to my daughter and I’m ready to pass out. #goodnighttome #twobirdswithonestome #nolongersleepdeprived

sometimes I miss my daughter, so I call her, then I remember why I sent her away in the first place

Just a little over a week before the family is reunited 😊

My daughter won’t stop using the word “oof” I’m starting to think that maybe she is a furry but for roblox? Is that even a thing? Anyway, I would appreciate therapist recommendations.

I think it’s about time I let my children know that it isn’t Santa who eats all the cookies...it’s me. I eat all the cookies before Santa gets there.

make good decisions sweety. if i find out you went ziplining without me you will be grounded. 

It’s like my daughter is trying to get me to come visit her. “I’ve only eaten gushers today” like feed yourself child

If I hear one more costumer say they “just printed the $100 bill this morning” when I check to make sure it’s real I’m going to ground my daughter

It’s been 48 days since I’ve seen my child in person and I still have to wait another 81 days to see her. #okIadmititimissmykid #kidsick #notclickbait