if only

I’m reposting all my stuff and adding more! the site is still quite new so the blog is not as organized as it is here, but they have been developing it quite rapidly over the months so for now I hope you can be patient with the simple layout~

I hope this works, I hope some of you see this and are interested in connecting with me on there now. Either way, I cherish this blog and the memories I have fondly and think of you often. Sending my love, from now and for always ~scary-chan

I am just importing now so it isn’t ready yet but it should be in the next while! I may eventually move off of wordpress to a porn-centered specific site later but for now that is where I will be!

But here on tumblr, big RIP

If there’s no way that I can find of transferring this blog, if this really is the end, I want you all to know just how much of an impact you have made on me these last years. I started this blog as a place to post the things I liked, because I felt very isolated, like no other blogs had exactly what I wanted. Part of my development over this time period, including out in the real world, was realizing that I am not alone at all, and this community and my followers have been part of that realization and growth for me. Knowing that so many people have been interested in the things I’m interested in, got off to the same stuff that got me off, got off to ME in some cases haha, and/or just really understood where I was coming from when I’d answer questions or write posts about myself and sexuality, has meant the world to me. I am a different person because of you, a better person, and this blog has been there for me when I’ve needed it most. I hope coming on here has been good for most of you. I hope it has helped here and there or even just offered a simple release. Thank you for sticking through this with me. In the next few days I may post some links to my other accounts, just in case I can’t figure out what to do with this blog in time. For now, chats are open, if you know anything that might help sort through this pickle, or you just wanted to drop a line, I’m not sure if I can respond to everything but please know I am here and I am listening. All my love, from now and for always, ~scary-chan

THANK YOU SO MUCH for this response!! I have a lot of rules when it comes to who I can and can’t fantasize about and a lot of it comes down to feeling like it’s non-consenting even though it’s a fantasy and I know it’s not real. I wasn’t sure if anyone else thought that way but this response was the VERY FIRST ONE I got and I really appreciate it. My jaw dropped when I read this message cuz I was just so surprised at how much I totally get what you’re saying. I really mean it, thank you for putting in the time to tell me about yourself!

do people often fantasize about made up people? or actors or characters? do you fantasize about your friends or people you wouldn’t want to actually fuck in real life? do you fantasize about your exes, or people you know who are in relationships? who do you fantasize about most often? when you’re in a relationship do you usually fantasize about that person or is it a mix? why and why would you not fantasize about someone? when you fantasize about someone you know, how do you come up with how you want them to act? i would appreciate responses as i would like to know how other people think about this stuff. I feel very detached in my understanding and it is truly hard for me to feel connected to others when i do not know how they think about these things

Made these undies out of duct tape! Next time I need to apply it looser cuz when I finally took them off they had been pushing on me for so long I was too turned on 😥

(⊙﹏⊙//)

omg I completely forgot to tell yall this but it’s a friggin RIOT. So I don’t usually touch myself when I masturbate, I normally just mentally get myself to the point of cumming and it’s great. But last week I was insanely horny and decided to do some actual physical involvement with myself. Unfortunately, I wasn’t prepared and my fingernails were long af, so that wasn’t gonna work. I don’t own any sex toys but I was out here DESPERATE. I grabbed one of my deodorant sticks, which is cylindrical and has a rounded top (it’s basically the shape of a dildo if it was short and completely straight.) and I went to TOWN. It hurt a bit, but in that good stretchy way, not in a ‘whoops something’s wrong way’, just cuz I’m not used to stuff bigger than two fingers. It did it’s job though, I had a great time, and all was well. The next morning as I was getting ready to go to work, I had completely forgotten about the night before and picked up my deodorant to use for its actual intended purpose this time. When I was using it before it was in the dark so when I was done I just tossed it on my bed without inspecting it much. Now, as I was about to use it in broad daylight, I noticed something around the ring of the cap. The cap’s probably like two inches and connects to the body of the deodorant in a super smooth way, it’s all the same thickness. But, there still is a slight ridge of the cap itself and the body, and... There was dried blood. All. The way. Around. The rim. I was laughing so hard cuz like, bitch was so horny I had ignored the scraping of my insides to the point of actual blood. Not like, an insane amount, but it was definitely running the whole rim. Super wild. I should probably buy a dildo soon. -love, scary-chan

Uhhh, I can’t think of anymore rn. sorry I don’t got much! It’s just that when cnc isn’t involved my fantasies get pretty boring and vanilla to talk about I guess. i spent most of my sexual-fantasizing life only thinking about cnc. it was only… literally this year that i had 100% very clearly consensual fantasies, or fantasies that involved me having a good time in any way. For me, it’s all so new and exciting, but for everyone else it’s same old same old! (ᕑᗢूᓫ∗)ʱªʱªʱªFor your second question, I DO have fantasies about being raped in the woods yaya!! But this was just a coincidence I ended up doing it there, no planning involved! (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡~love, scary-chan

hey, wow, I’m really not sure what to say! Like, conveying how important a message like this is to me feels overwhelming. i dont think there’s anything i want to do more in this world than make people feel less alone, and i never would have thought my blog would be that beneficial to anyone.. everything you’re saying i really felt at some time in my life, sometimes now too, but now that dirtiness and guilt isn’t really around at all, so it makes me happy to know that i may be helping someone in the same way.for any csa/rape survivors who frequent this blog, i want you to know that it really can get better. I worked very hard for years to overcome a lot of the aftereffects of my trauma, and of course there is some stuff that will stick with me for the rest of my life, but im not so bothered by that. everyone has issues of some kind, things they have to live with that are hard, and even if there are people around me and you who don’t have the exact same trauma, we can all relate to a lot of the same feelings. We can all relate to guilt, and hurt, pain, often even violation, self hate… So many people live with these things even if they didn’t go through sexual assault. No one is alone, ever, and if you can find ways of coping through the hard times, ways that make you feel better, use them. Use this blog if it helps, but also know there might come a day where stuff like this isn’t so useful, and if that happens, don’t feel like you need to cling to it. In the end, only use what actually helps, and if this blog helps, use it! Thank you so much!-love, scary-chan♡