Going With The Drift

“Sometimes your drunken desires are what you’re too afraid to admit when you’re sober.”

“What if we stopped loving people when they stopped loving us? I mean I know it sounds nice at first. But could you imagine? You’re cooking dinner or taking a shower and all of a sudden you feel your love for someone hop out of your chest and just float away? You could be in the middle of writing them a message, middle of a conversation, singing to them in the car, making love to them, planning your wedding. And in the middle of any of those things you’d feel your own heart stop calling their name… I mean knowing the EXACT moment somebody falls out of love with you? That would be soul crushing… That would be a real heartbreak.”

“Text me when you’re drunk tomorrow. Text me when you’ve had three beers, two shots of vodka, and a cigarette. 
Text me when you’re drunk and you don’t
know your left arm from your right but you wonder what it would be like to have my crimson lipstick all over your mouth again. 
Text me because you’re bored, because you’re curious, because you want the scent of my perfume stuck on your t-shirt one last time. 
Text me for the hell of it,because you want my sun soft fingers bending beneath your bones,because you still remember how pretty I look in parking lot light. 
Text me because one day we won’t be able to blame our youth or the alcohol. Because one day I’ll have a husband, a new number or an apartment in New York City, and we both know that once that day comes there will be more than a nine character message keeping me from crawling back into your bed to say my goodbye.”

“i’m too much of a coward to kill myself so i tell you i want to die in my sleep and honestly, maybe i’m just looking for a reaction out of you and it’s maybe it’s working because you say you don’t know what you’d do if you ever lost me, you say you never want to wake up and hear that you’ll never be able to see me again and i expected it to make me feel better but it just makes me remember that a year ago, you were leaving me and i don’t know how to tell you that it would hurt way less to die than to be put through what you put me through. i don’t know how to tell you that yeah, i’m still breathing, but you already fucking killed me and every day, i walk around with the ghost of your memory and i try to forget that you don’t love me and yeah, we’re still friends, but we’re friends with memories and when i get drunk, i still tell you i love you and you thank me for still being here and you don’t say it back you don’t say it back you don’t say it back and why the fuck should i believe you when you say that you’d be upset if i died when you didn’t care when you were shoving the knife through my life”

“I still remember how it felt to be left and it has kept me from knowing what it feels like to be loved.”

“I don’t want you to be the one I want to message when my world is falling apart, when something good happens, when I can’t sleep, or when I’m drunk. But it’s always you.”

“Let’s get drunk and tell each other everything we are to scared to say sober.”

“Listen, I know you love him and he says he loves you too… but you need to be able to feel that. When you were apart, he claimed it was the distance and you nodded your head somewhat convinced. But if your bodies are tangled together and you still don’t feel anything, then it can’t be the distance. You shake your head in frustration because you wanted this to work out and you truly thought it would. But now you are left wondering; what happens when you are attracted to the idea of someone more than the actual person? What happens when he’s right in front of you and yet he still feels far away?”