Shiloh Carson

Merry Christmas, punk 

Merry Christmas and thank you for everything. 

~

As the minutes passed, the redness of Wren’s cheeks only deepened, the hair on the back of her neck standing to attention with prickly heat. As much as she wanted to blame Shiloh for the current state of their relationship, she knew that she couldn’t. Had she made more effort to stay in his life, they wouldn’t be stood in front of each other with hard feelings and nothing to say for themselves. It hurt, of course it hurt, but she was just as much to blame here as Shiloh was. “I wish people would stop doing that,” she finally muttered, lifting her gaze to meet his. “Telling me that they’re doing things to keep me safe. I’m a big girl, Shi; I’ve taken care of myself for a really long time, and I just need everyone to realize that.”

“Have you ever considered that the people that love you are doing it because they care for you, not because they don’t think you are capable of taking care of yourself.” he sighed, looking at her “People know that you can handle yourself. But part of loving someone is wanting to protect the people you love even if they can do it themselves. Just because you can take care of yourself doesn’t mean you should always have to.”

Winter’s nose scrunched up just a touch at his car, well meaning in her disapproval. More often than not, she found herself not entirely trusting the old beat up vehicle, but she certainly wasn’t going to say that. He was driving, after all. Slipping into the seat and closing the door after her, the blonde pulled her seatbelt on before she looked towards him, a grin creeping across her face. “Just a random craving. But I don’t know what it is - when it comes to fast food burgers, I don’t like sitting down to eat like twenty. I just want one, and some fries, and then I’m satisfied. That’s why I call White Castle snacking fast food, you know?”

For once, Chandler’s face grew serious.  “You could start by trying to get your GED.  I’d even be willing to help out, if you want.  I respect the desire to live a respectable lifestyle; I just have shit future planning - I work at a bar, for fucks sake.  Though I do make pretty good money in tips.  I’m sure you could also get a job at the bar, or the Crashdown, diploma lacking.  There are places to start, but if you want a real adult job, I think that’s just gonna take a little more work.”  She playfully punched him again, pulling a face.  “You’re such a bully, Shi.”

“I figure that’s the only option. I mean, it’s not like I can go back to high school. I just....I don’t know, it’s been so long since I’ve been in school I figure I’ll just flunk it. Which would be just as embarrassing as it already is being nothing but the pizza boy. “ he shrugged, though he shook the solemn look on his face quickly at her feigned punch “I am not a bully!  Not to you, anyway. Come on. Let’s go before the middle schoolers get out of classes and come embarrass the both of us.”

~

The blonde had a reputation for being a nuisance at any given time, and when it it had come time for Shiloh to try and push her away, it was extra obvious. Wylie didn’t take kindly to being cut off without explanation, and so when the boy tried to split from her life, she pretended like it had never happened at all. Even when she was across the country attending college, she made it a point to email or call him at least once a week so he had to keep her in the back f his mind, even if he chose not to respond. “I am in charge of those, yes, but I work for a radio station. What the hell does a radio station need television airtime for, huh?” She felt her cheeks flush a soft pink color at his compliment, head shaking and hand reaching out to give his arm a tug. “C’mon,” she nearly whispered, giving him a soft smile. “Take a walk with me.”

He had meant well when he cut everyone off, truly. As wrong as it sounds, he thought he was doing what was best for all of his friends. He knew he was going down a bad road and he didn’t want to drag them along. When Wylie had insisted on staying present, he had just done his best to keep her out of it. “I guess they’ve got to market to everybody. Can’t advertise on the radio so I guess TV or newspaper is the next option.” Shiloh shrugged, letting her pull his arm to walk with him. “Why do I feel like this is about to be one of those walks like they have in coming of age movies where the girl next door helps the boy next door confront his problems?”

Shiloh was sweet, and there was something about him that Pallis couldn’t quite put her finger on.  She couldn’t tell if she trusted him or not, but she did enjoy his company.  “Yeah, exactly,” her smile shifted, and she reached up to play with her wig again.  “Really?  I’ve been told on many occasions that short hair just accentuates how far apart my eyes are,” she wrinkled her nose slightly, but shook her head a little.  “I think people insult others because they’re insecure.  But that doesn’t make it any easier.”

Shiloh had similar feelings for Pallis as she did for him. Due to the ways in which they met and the crowds with which they ran, it was difficult to know who to trust. But there was just something about the girl that made him feel like, maybe, he was like her. Lost in the world in a way that hadn’t exactly been what they’d intended. He made a face at her comment, shaking his head “Whoever told you that is an idiot. Not just because the short hair doesn’t do that, but because you’re eyes aren’t that far apart. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your face at all, actually.” he nodded “Unfortunately, I think you’re right. And they always tell you that to make you feel better about being made fun of, but it doesn’t really help the matter, does it? Like I don’t care why people are being mean, when they’re being mean. “ He thought for a moment “I get it, though. I mean, I can’t lie and say I’ve never taken my frustrations with myself out on someone else.”

~

The smile that played on her lips was soft, the fanning of the pages almost putting her in a trance. “Any novel that makes me think too much is off the table right now, unfortunately. It’s why I keep rereading my old books and diving headfirst into stories I already know by heart. It means I don’t have to focus for very long, I don’t have to find some hidden plot meaning or read between the lines, or even get attached to a brand new fictional character only to have my heart ripped out.” The blonde sighed softly, pushing a few tufts of hair behind her ear before she focused her attention back on Shiloh. “If you could be any fictional character, who would you be and why?”

“It’s always better when you can use a book to escape the real world. When the real world is so stressful, who needs a stressful book to add to it, y’know?” he shrugged, pondering her question “One of the superheroes. I’m not sure which one. Maybe Thor? Captain America? Strong, heroic...good “ he looked down, picking at the calloused skin on his hands before clearing his throat “What about you?”

~

“And I don’t need to be reminded that I’m ‘better off’ without you in my life, when that’s the furthest thing for the truth. Nothing has changed about you, y’know? You speak before you think, just let whatever the hell comes out of your mouth come out without stopping to think that, maybe, it shouldn’t be said at all.” Her jaw was set in a hard line, the muscles in her neck beginning to tense up, an irreversible damage that would last the rest of the day no matter how hard she tried to ease it  down. “You don’t get to make me feel bad for having feelings about this, or having feelings at all. This situation doesn’t just revolve around you, even if you wish it did.”

“A lot has changed about me, Wren. That’s the problem. That’s why I had to leave you out of it. Just trust me, the pain that you feel about me leaving you behind is nothing compared to what you would’ve had to feel watching what I’ve been doing for the last ten years.” he swallowed, his face burning, looking down at the counter “I’m not a good guy, Wren. I’ve done a lot of not good things. I would have been a shitty friend to drag you into it. So I figured I would rather be a shitty friend to keep you safe, than the other option.”

Zach was having trouble following every single little detail Shiloh was sharing although working as a firefighter for a few weeks now helped with at least having some sense of direction when another neighborhood was brought up in conversation. He nodded, folding one of the slices and going for a bite, talking with his mouth half full. “I just need an okay pad with some yard space for Betty.” Zach groaned. Even if he wasn’t really planning on staying too long, he needed to get out of the motel. The room was depressing and his pit bull was starting to get annoyed by it, too. “Tripp’s doesn’t sound too bad, though. I mean, I just need a place to stay. I don’t wanna waste all my money on rent either, ya’ know.” He did alright even if he wasn’t high rolling, but he still send a chunk of his paycheck back home. To make up for his absence, he told himself. “Where are you crashing, anyway? Parents?”

Having lived there for forever, it was difficult for Shiloh to relay anything about Roswell to an outsider. Especially having lived on the streets for so long, he knew them better than everything. “Tripp’s would be fine. I mean, Honestly, whatever you can afford and has a yard would be fine. No where in Roswell is too bad.”he swallowed, shaking his head “Uh, no. I haven’t spoken to my parents in years. Right now I’m staying with Circe. Do you know her? I moved in with her a couple months ago. Before that I’d been living mostly out of my car. Crashing on couches when I could.”

She was going to make a joke about how it sounded too similar to her own name before Shiloh’s comment caught her off guard, giving him an almost frightened look.  While she wasn’t here illegally, her job wasn’t exactly legal, and even though she brushed it off more often than not, the last thing she wanted was for anyone trying to chase her down.  “I think Alice suits blondes more,” she mumbled, tucking some of the hair behind her ear.  “Maybe something super common.  Like….. Betty Jones.  Makes me harder to find, right?”

He briefly worried that he had said something wrong, catching something in her face for just a moment. But when she began speaking again he assumed he was in the clear.”I guess you’re right about that. Everyone thinks of the Alice in Wonderland Alice when they hear that name. Betty Jones would be good. It’s kinda like the lady equivalent of John Smith. Something bland and basic and that there’s 20 others of in any given town.” Shiloh chuckled “But, seriously, I do think the red suits you. And the short cut, actually.”

Micah nodded his head a little. “There i a lot of day drinking going on is this town.” Micah said with a smile as he glanced at one his requlars before looked back to Shiloh. “Myabe you should come around more, it’s not a bad place.” Micah said as he adjusted his footing slightly. “I mostly cleaned or restocked what needded to be stocked. No acutal serving until I was a bit older.”

“That somehow doesn’t surprise me. Not much else to do around here, is there?” he chuckled, sipping on his drink “You know, I might take you up on that. It seems pretty alright in here.” Shiloh pondered for a moment before realizing he never introduced himself “I’m Shiloh, by the way. I reckon you saw that on my I.D., though.”

~

She was used to how defensive he got when someone approached him, but it rarely stopped her from doing so. Wylie’s steps had slowed, pausing entirely for just a moment before she finally came to a stop, leaning heavily against the brick wall. She had been so adamant about keeping in touch with him even from across the country, but his determination to make sure he had nobody left had caused a falling out, though Wylie was too stubborn to let it happen fully. As Shiloh turned to face her, the blonde released a soft sigh, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and she immediately felt a wave of sadness. “I always tell them not to put me on television, but unfortunately my entire job is to handle public relations. Have you seen that embarrassing commercial they shot? Why do you need a television commercial for a radio station?”

Wylie was the one he had never managed to completely cut out, other than Chandler. But that was different. The redhead had gone down a similar path as he had, there was no need for shame. But Wylie hadn’t. She was still good. He’d kept trying to distance, her going away to college had helped some, but it was never fully successful. As much as Shiloh wanted to tell himself he had wished it would’ve been, deep down it was actually nice to have some piece of that left. Even if he was ashamed and guilty and everything else. “Aren’t you in charge of communications and shit? Wouldnt’ TV appearances be implied?” he shrugged “Ether way, I did see it and I don’t think it’s nearly as embarrassing as you think it is. You’ve always been good at talking and having that...I dunno, presence or personality or star quality or whatever it is. You’ve always been...good.”

~

“Oh c’mon,” Circe urged, the various seasonings in her hands as she held them out to Shiloh. She was nothing if not stubborn, and after years of perfecting her technique of getting her way, she knew this instance would be no different. Unless Shiloh expressed extreme discomfort with the situation, she would keep pushing until he was cooking. But, as he slid off the counter and took the spices, the raven-haired woman leaned back against the counter, that signature look on her face as she released a deep sigh. “If you ruin dinner, we’ll order Chinese food. Do you realize how many meals I’ve fucked up in this kitchen in the last few months? Countless. And that one is tarragon, really good to add a little something-something, if you catch my drift.”

“You have more trust in me than I think anyone ever has. You’re putting both dinner and your precious kitchen in my hands. “ he was saying it lightly, but it wasn’t completely untrue. Lack of trust in him had been something that had driven him to be who he was to begin with, Circe trusting him so much with even the smallest things meant more than she might know. He reached for another one of the spices out of her hands, opening the lid and leaning over the pot, sprinkling a little in. And then sprinkling in a little more. “I think...that’s it.” he turned, reaching for another one and repeating the process. ‘I don’t really see you  ever ruining a meal. But I might get the chinese restaurant on speed dial.”  he sprinkled some more spices in before finally grabbing the final one, the tarragon, spritzing in just a little. “Okay. Give it a try and see how many orders of rice we need” Shiloh laughed as he stepped back “My first ever cooking lesson. I’m on my way to being a real adult now, aren’t I?”