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almost home
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occasionally subtle
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trying on a metaphor
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@dontaskdontask

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how am i supposed to have a lit summer with $4.65
seeing untagged nsfw on your dash
someone: you forgot to eat? how?? arenāt you starving?
me: I donāt know I canāt feel anything
man *waking up from 7 year coma*: doctor.. please⦠may you update me on what is going on in the news⦠what has happened while i was asleep doctor: for your own good weāre putting you back into the coma

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GQĀ Encyclopedia of Matt Damon, his Bourne co-star Julia Stiles begins to tell the story of their encounter with Prince:
You got to learn how to vibe alone. You can't live your life being dependent on other sources of energy. You have the ability to be self sufficient so tap into yourself once in a while.
DO YOU EVER JUST WANNA SCREAM SO LOUD WHEN YOU TRY TO THINK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE
I found him. the biggest boy
the #reviews are in
me and strawberry lemonade svedka
me with patron silver tbh
tbh strawberitas

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Crush: *Talks to someone*
Me: I lost them. Theyāre clearly in love with that person. How did this happen?
why you bake me
family feud is a national treasureĀ
SHE DID THAT
me at the family dinner, sometime in 2036
Every time I see this video, it renews me
In cars two at the airport the cars have to go through tsa checks and take off their wheels and stuff which implies the cars Universe had a 9/11
Wait. Oh my god. But planes are sentient in the cars universe. Did cars hijack the plane or did the planes fly themselves.
Nobody knows
Buddy they have car pope. A car jesus died on a car cross and weāre worried if car bush did car 9/11
I could not comprehend a word of this initially and I thought I was having a stroke

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I picked up a worm, and it wrote something in my hand with a tiny pencil. Unfortunately it was too small to read. An autograph? A spell? An angry note?
@reanimateobjects Iāve decided to line up with their writing and whatever they wrote appear to beā¦. phallic. I donāt how to break the news with you, but, I think that worm drew a penis on your handā¦. Congratulation?
Ooh! Thank you for this valuable contribution to the field of worm linguistics and/or art. It is still unclear to me if itās meant as a rude message to me, if itās just putting its tag there, or something else. Further research is needed!
I think the idea of it being a penis is anthropomorphism. I mean, the worm doesnāt have a penis itself, nor proper eyes with which to see one. No, Iām afraid this is something far more interesting: a self-portrait. You have been touched by an aesthetic annelid, and now your life will never be the same.
Now I will forever try to communicate with all the worms I find, but I worry that Iāll never meet this one again.
My name is Werm I liv in ground And thru the darck I skwirm around
The peepl tell me All the tym Iām farr too yuck With too much slym
But I think Werm Is gud to be. I find a styck
I draw a me