Dear diary,

also been in my first relationship for the past 1.5 years and so i spent a lot of time with my bf

many old friends left town, got busy with their own life, things changed

the only person i seemed to make plans with was my bf and one friend who got super busy in the last year.

all of a sudden i felt like i spent these 3 years abroad and i'm losing parts of what i built: the social circle

maybe i'm overreacting, but i decided that i want to make new friends. i feel like i got so efficient with it, i'm overwhelmed now

lol

and yesterday i learnt that her main impression of me is that i'm so kind

and weirdly enough

you guys just love signs?

there's a sign saying that it's the Piccadily line

and then there's a sign saying that it's not the Elizabeth line

i don't wanna be here

the extreme and amazing highs of honeymoon

the storms of anxiety

the conflict of being sure you met the one but you start to face real life together

I forgot me

I got to know a woman who was admired and I thought she was actually amazing then

I got to know a girl who spiraled over little things and thought she needed to solve and talk it out to make it work as if everything was holdong on one thread

I got to know a girl who suddenly thought her little quirks can actually be mesmerizing

I got to know a woman who thought she found one thing to hold onto and everything else would be just a side story

I'm trying to remeet me tho

the girl who likes her own quirks whether it's mesmerizing or not. the girl who gets a little insecure sometimes, but she doesn't need to solve it immediately. the woman who doesn't care for being admired yet she's confident. the woman who knows there are many threads to have.

both of these pictures get tired and collapse sometimes

but I miss me - the quirky, funny, crying, laughing, standing tall me

I still love you

so so much

and we're here and we're gonna be here

we discuss things without anyone leaving the room feeling offended

everyone just has feelings, we say it, the other listens and doesn't take it personally

we might come up with a solution or might just be like "ok, this is a thing and we don't know what to do right now but that's fine, we'll go back to it or it will come up again"

you might feel bad because of a thing I did and I didn't even realize it was affecting you. that's how I naturally function, so I didn't mean anything bad but it clearly causes sth in you. I might not be able to fully change, but we have to address your feelings somehow. maybe we cannot do sth immediately, but we'll figure it out

this is the vibe