mateo alejandro lopez

Noah,

I like to think that despite our differences in opinion on things, you and I, we aren’t so different. I guess that’s how family goes though, isn’t it? Our differences don’t define us - what we have in common does. And I believe, one of the things we have in common, is no other wish but the best in life for the people we love. That’s what I have for you, Noah. A wish, a hope, a prayer for your happy ending with the man you love. I might not understand it completely, but I understand the soul-deep need to be with the person you can’t breathe without. 

You and Oliver will always have a place in our home, and our lives. I will take care of Nick, that I can swear to you. Another thing we have in common. 

I have undying faith in you, Noah. Your happy ending is in sight.

Affectionately, 

Goddess,

Forgive me for doing it this way, but my heart isn’t strong enough to do this the right way. Jamie, Nick and I are heading to California before this mess commences. You are one of the people it breaks my heart to leave. I don’t think I’ve ever known someone as strong and inspiring as you are. You know your mind, you know your wants, and you don’t settle for less, all of which are incredible on their own. For you to have all that and more, sometimes I can hardly believe you’re someone in my life.

I can’t begin to think of what could have happened if we had more time. If I wasn’t trying to heal from the cracks on my soul from my latest mistakes, if I had enough willpower and strength to see this through… things might have been different. But I can leave here, knowing you are firmly in my heart, and i am, I hope, firmly in yours.

You will always have a place in my arms, in my bed, and in my life. I have love, quiet, incredible love for the amazing woman you are, Frankie Wilde, and I cannot wait to see the mark you leave on this world. If it’s anything like what you’ve left on me - it will be truly awe-inspiring.

Yours, with love,

Pajarito,

Finding the words to explain myself hasn’t been easy. Finding the words to tell you everything that’s been rattling in my head without causing further damage feels impossible. So instead, I’ll just tell you what I wish for you, and hope that perhaps someday, we both will have healed enough to celebrate the lives we have built and remember the time we spent together without the bitterness of what might have been.

I wish you joy, little bird. It seems easy, to seek out joy without consequence or strings attached. But you and I both know how hard that can be. Still, I know you are meant to find a life and a love to bring you joy, no matter what shape or package that love comes in. Perhaps in a painting. Perhaps in the clean sparkle of a polished counter. Perhaps in the whiskey eyes of a gentle Dominant. Perhaps in all or none of those things. Above everything, I’ve only wished and longed for your happiness, Jackson, and I will continue to do so in every day to come in this life.

You are more incredible and stronger than any words on this earth can express. Life has brought hardship after hardship, and yet, you prevail. You awe me, pajarito. Everything you do, every battle you fight, every day you continue - you leave me in awe. And whoever is lucky enough to live that life by your side is an equally awe-inspiring person, because I know you wouldn’t settle for anything less.

Promises have only brought us pain, so I won’t make any in this moment. I am, as always, available if you need me, because even though our story didn’t end the way we wanted it to, I hope to one day be a featured character again in yours. It breaks my heart to leave you, but I think this is the best way for both of us to continue in our journeys, even if it seems like it isn’t. We are leaving for California this week, for an opportunity we can’t say no to, no matter the emotional pain that comes with leaving those we love behind.

My love for you has never faded, Jackson, nor will it. In loving you, I have found parts of myself I didn’t know were there, and learned how to embrace them to be a better man and a better Dominant. You have changed me for the better. And the day I see you with a collar around your beautiful neck will be one of the happiest of my life, because I will know that you have found the soul that fits with yours.

I hope someday, you can forgive me for taking the coward’s way out, because I don’t know if I would have the strength to say this to you in person. 

I love you, little bird. Forever.

Yours,

Nate,

In another life, you would be next to me while I was writing this letter to someone else. Our boys would be packing our things, Coco and Linus would be playing together and Silas would be boxing up the kitchen all wrong only for Nick to redo everything moments later while Jamie distracted Silas. In another life, we would have worked out, and loved in a way I never thought possible. But this is the life we were given, and the reality is much different. So here I am, writing this letter and trying not to get lost in the nostalgia of what might have been.

We are leaving before the punishment, to go to California and continue our education there. We’ve secured a spot where Jamie and I can both pursue law, something we didn’t think would be possible, and we can’t say no to it. Things have been so hard here, harder than I ever thought life could get, and the move is partially to try to heal from that. I need to remember who I am and where my strength lies, and I don’t think I can do that here. 

I love you, Nate Lynn. I have since the moment we kissed. I admire the man you’ve become, and I am so happy you’ve found your place with Sam and Silas. You’ve built the family you wanted. We both have. I’m pretty proud of both of us and how far we’ve come since we got here. Saying goodbye to you feels impossible, and yet, it’s only going to mean better things for both of us in the years to come.

Te amo, guapo. 

Gatita,

This is most definitely the coward’s way out, but you know how much I hate when you see me cry. My boys and I are headed back to California, it’s an opportunity we can’t pass up. Jamie and I will be able to study law, and Nick will be in school and it’s a perfect way to continue our lives together. Maybe I’ll even get to see Abuelita again, if she lets me in the house.

I will miss you so, Cat. You will always have a place to land on your feet with me, wherever I might be or who I might be with. Or who you might be with. I’ll still be calling at least every Sunday to hear your voice and to check in, and I’m a text away if you need me. You’re a piece of my heart I’ll never be without, hermanita, no matter how far apart.

As for this punishment, I have been told I am allowed to use my pass still, for whoever I choose - and there was no choice to be made. You’re safe, gatita. It’s the very least I could do.

Te quiero, para siempre.

Silas,

My friend, it’s been quite the ride. I hope you can find it to be happy for us, despite the situation. Jamie, Nick and I will be leaving this week for California, to finish our studies and continue onto law school. I know things haven’t always been the best between us, but I hold you dear in my heart, and I wish you nothing but happiness in your life with Nate. Maybe the two of you - or the whole harem - can come to visit us if the time is ever right.

Seeing how far you’ve come is incredible, and while it might not mean much, I am so proud of the sub you have become. You’ve left me in awe, Silas Lynn, and I have a feeling you’ll continue to do so.

Affectionately, 

Maddie,

It pains me to write this. It pains me to know I’m taking your brother away from you, but I know in my heart, you will not hold it against me. We have secured a spot in a program in California, where Jamie and I can finish our institute work and both begin studying law. Both of us. And there’s a perfect music school for Nick, and well, it was an opportunity we couldn’t pass up, despite how much it hurts to leave the people we love.

I know it’s been difficult here lately, and it’s about to be even more. I know though, I know your strength will only change this school and the people here for the better, and I can’t wait for the day you come to visit us with a beautiful submissive wearing your collar. My faith in you is unwavering, hermana. Never forget that.

Te quiero, hermana.

“I know a little somethin’ bout that,” he said with a slight hiccup at the end. “I dunno it was a fuck up though. I mean, I dunno much ‘bout it or anythin’, but I feel like it just didn’t work out - that ain’t really anyone fuckin’ up.”

Hungover | 1/31/21

Nick gave a tiny nod and followed Mateo out of the bedroom after leaving the coffee and pills on the far side of the nightstand so that Jamie wouldn’t accidentally knock it over but would hopefully smell it and know to look for it. He sat down on the couch at his Dom’s side, their thighs pressed right up against one another. He sighed at the question and took a sip of his coffee to put off telling Mateo the news that he’d learned on his phone while waiting for the coffee to brew. He couldn’t put it off forever, though. “Franco spiked the punch last night, Sir,” he said quietly. Mateo could probably figure out that a wide was likely going to come, but he didn’t want to bring that up just yet if he didn’t have to. “We’re all hungover.”

“You let us in. My love and respect for you has never been based on your ability to be perfect and make only perfect decisions. Lord not a one of us can live up to that. I love and respect you because you are a fair and loving Dominant who provides me with care and safety no matter the situation. You are a strong and firm Dominant who gives me the opportunity to give up control and feel safe doing so. What more can anyone ask from a Dominant? How much are you going to demand of yourself Sir? You’re killing yourself my love.” 

Jackson withdrew his hand when Mateo glared at him, taken aback by the harshness to his voice. He swallowed, “Yes, Sir…” He agreed, though he didn’t agree in the slightest. But Mateo had never been harsh with him like this before, and he felt it was best to just agree and leave it at that. Mateo’s next words cut deep too, and Jackson couldn’t help but feel it was unfair. He’d never be able to develop a relationship with anyone now without worrying about how it was making Mateo feel. He’d had a suspicion before that Mateo would be jealous, but now it was confirmed. So much for whatever was happening with Asher… It was probably for the best anyway though, Asher was probably going to realize he was in love with Morgan after all anyway. He clenched his hands into tight fists, not sure what to do. “You should probably drink some water.” Is all he ended up saying. Maybe Mateo was too drunk to be having this conversation, Jackson concluded. But he knew Mateo was only saying things he wouldn’t be brave enough to say while sober. Alcohol never turned anyone into a liar, after all. 

Well, this was not really the best circumstances to have this conversation, but there was nothing else to do. “Alright my love I think both of you have probably gotten things a bit twisted up. This was never about anyone being enough. It was never about anyone being not being strong enough or willing to sacrifice enough. As I told you back then, yes I gave a thought to rearranging our claim in order to use the system to allow all of us to be together, but it was neither a perfect idea since there was no certainty that any of it would be approved by the heads. We all knew in our hearts that there was a good chance it wouldn’t have. But that is only the practical side of things. I also told you that even if I could be pragmatic, I knew that dissolving our claims would break you and Nick in a soul deep place. Are you hearing me Sir? I knew that then, I know that now. That kind of soul deep feelings, that emotional intelligence is a thing to be celebrated not denigrated.” He paused for only a moment before continuing. “I know you value my honesty so I won’t lie to you now. Did we let Jackson down? Yes we did. But I think it was not intentional and it was not because of that one decision. It was in thinking we could change the system. It was in hoping when there no hope to be had. We should have been more realistic about what we would be able to do. But again that has nothing to do with your strength or your capacity to sacrifice. It was because you fell in love. That is your only crime, my Sir. You fell in love. As did he. You are both lovely, loving people who met and bonded because of those qualities. That is no crime at all. It is sad and will continue to hurt for a long while yet, but you will both move on and it will hurt less and less. Please stop trying to kill yourself with guilt, with doubts.” He didn’t use the phrase lightly and Mateo must know so. But was he sober enough to hear all of this. 

Hungover | 1/31/21

Nick winced as he blinked his eyes open on Sunday morning. His head was pounding, and he knew that Mateo and Jamie were probably both pretty hungover, too. That punch had had quite the kick to it last night–pun totally intended, though he groaned softly at the way the pun made him smile. It was late morning already, and he forced himself out of bed so that he could start working on getting them all better. A couple of advil and a giant pot of coffee later, and he brought three mugs of coffee and two more doses of advil into the bedroom. “Morning, Sir,” he whispered softly when he saw his Dom blinking up at him. “Coffee’ll help.”

The truth was, Jackson could definitely see Jamie and Nick having been happy in their own claim, with Jamie as the Dom. But that wasn’t the case, they were both submissives of Mateo and they were still both very happy. Probably even more happy because they had Mateo in the mix. Jackson would probably never fully get over the guilt he felt about letting himself get involved, because it was clear the whole thing had brought out insecurities in Mateo that now threatened that claim he had idolized for so long. “You know, when I first met Nick, when you were in a claim before… I could tell he loved you then. I don’t think he even knew it. But you were the first Dom he thought of when I was telling him I was nervous about scenes. He respects you, he loves you, and I know he was always meant to be yours. And Jamie too, you guys all work so well together as a team and I was selfish for trying to get in the middle of that.” He chewed his lip. “You already have the perfect claim, Sir. You’ve helped me in more ways than you know about. But… I wasn’t meant to be yours the way they were. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t deserve you… it doesn’t mean that you were bad for me or that you’re a bad Dom. It just means I need to find my own way now, and need to stop beating yourself up over stuff you can’t control. You’re a good Dom, you’re the best Dom in this whole school, in my opinion.” 

Jamie swayed along with Mateo, holding him close. “See this is a perfect way to dance, don’t you agree?” He listened to the slurred words and frowned. “That is quite enough of that Master. You are strong. You are perfect as you are.” He pulled Mateo into a tight hug.  “You must find a way to move forward. The past is the past. I love you Sir and I need you here with us in the here and now. Please let the past go.” 

He knew that when his Dominant touched his collar like that he was thinking about things like his unsuccessful claim. It had been years and yet he knew that it still haunted him. He hated that he couldn’t figure out how to chase those fears away. “How about we dance right here Sir. I think that there are plenty of people around to see.” He didn’t think Mateo could stand very well at the moment nevermind dance. 

Ken was returning to the great hall after a quick bathroom break–and check for illicit activities–when a student bumped into him. He reached a hand out automatically to steady the other person, and he frowned at the sight of the man in front of him. He knew of Mateo Lopez on sight, even though he wasn’t currently in any of his classes. “It’s quite all right, Mr Lopez,” he said. “Are you okay?”