siouxie

I learned how to do a pull up and that's been my personality for the whole of past week. no swinging, no momentum, just a clean up and down pull up B)

if you're feeling bad about your body, go jerk off. not have sex, jerk off, I'm 100% serious.

nah y'all I give up, maybe it's maturing but I don't get the high of losing weight anymore. I know I'm so self contradicting all the time but that's the brain fightinggg. like yes I'd love to be skinny but my heart's just not in it anymore. I'm a fitness monster now, fear me for I just get buff now and that's the only goal (watch me change my mind in a month)

hip thrusts are so good but I never do them cause we don't have a machine and setting it all up on the floor with a bar is so tedious. I just found out you can do it on the smith tho so I go, I set up the bench, I lower the bar and wow, it doesn't go that low. the lowest it goes is top of the rep meaning I can't do it. so I just set it up, sat like an idiot for 1min contemplating and left. I'm mad I can't do it and on top of that I looked absolutely moronic thats great

I hate today so much I feel so bad about today. crushed it with the workouts and now none of that will fucking matter.

I feel like a fucking failure because there is no food at the house, nothing at all and we have divided chores. my mum has a car, she goes shopping. she got mad and yelled at me that I didn't tell her we need shopping. CANT U SEE THE EMPTY FRIDGE???? anyway, there is no food except like frozen shit. I spent so much time at the gym today, worked so hard and wanted to eat chicken salad. healthy, light, protein. nothing home though. I can only eat fries and nuggets or mini pizzas. that's all there is. I don't want to because it feels like so much wasted work but I also need to because if I don't eat today then my body will learn fucked up patterns again and I don't want that or I'm way more likely to binge or do something stupid tomorrow. I don't know what to do I've just been crying about this for the past 3h I just want chicken.

found my old nudes and lowk body goals😭😭 bring this back

i fucking hate weight loss cause it always brings on the urges of just drink instead of eating, doesn't help that when I was a drunk I was actually the skinniest I've ever been

I was gonna start from Monday so I could do week 1 Monday - Sunday but that's an excuse no? I can just have week 1 Thursday - Sunday and that's what I'm gonna do. I don't want judgement or any of that, I just need to see for myself how and what I'm eating since I've been struggling with BED for the first time in my life. the self awareness is the key for me ig. also I'm keeping my safety net, borsch packet soups ToT. whenever I feel a binge coming on and I can't stop thinking about food I just eat that. it's low kcal but has a lot of taste and it's soup so water, it just helps and I'd rather do 5 emergency soups which is like 50-200kcal per 1, depending how much I make and how concentrated, than binge on fries or chocolate or something. the meal vibe for this week is cardboard bread with cream cheese, skyr yoghurt, salad and chicken bowls, carrot, broccoli and cauliflower snacks. let's pray it works!! (but I still have some lasagne left so that's the 1st round of dinners)

ok well like I said, I'm gonna go back to logging everything in since just balling isn't bringing results. I really don't wanna be exact tho, that was hell, so I think it's gonna be more of a weekly check in rather than daily and just "2 pieces of lasagne" instead of every ingredient measured and marked. that was actually miserable and so hard and that's the only reason why I stopped, not because I had trouble eating like that, but because I was so done counting the food

ive been cutting my own hair for years but recently I tried a hairdresser and they FUCKED up SO BAD. and that's making it even harder to lose weight because I know even if I get skinnier I'm not gonna look better, genuinely would look better fat with longer hair than skeletal with whatever this is. it's so demotivating

if I say I'm locking in this time fr is anyone even believing me atp🙏