drown the stars

-1 hp

-1 hp

-1 hp

-1 hp

-1 hp

-1 hp

this is for those who despair over seeing ships or tropes that make them uncomfortable while they do their little scrolly-scroll on ao3, acting like they aren’t responsible for their own internet experience

My family coldness did not allow me to develop an ability to accept love, to feel intimacy, to know human connection.

I have always been attached to characters based on what I've desperately needed or what I was overwhelmingly feeling with no one to talk to about such extreme anguish; no one to care.

Fictional characters have always been my superficial supplement for the tier of Maslow's Hierarchy that I was never going to have fulfilled. I'm attached to the character dynamics that emulate the family connection I need, interested in "ships" that echo the patience and warmth I would need in a relationship, and to characters who seem to mirror some of the same agony in my life.

These parts of fiction have been my greatest obsessions and the dominion of almost all my special interests. Because they represent what I've always needed to not feel so broken. What I've needed to feel alive. What I've needed to be okay. Things I will probably never have.

Of course it's never enough. It will never be enough. Humans were not built to survive without the real versions of these things.

But I would be dead without this coping mechanism, without this focus.