I've Got My Philosophy

So I finally looked into different options for female dentists in the area. I really prefer a female, though I liked my former orthodontist (I just think he was being too hands off and I didn’t realize it until it was too late; I don’t fully blame him, but I do think he should have seen that my bottom teeth were actually a bigger issue than my top teeth, and he should have heard me when I said I felt like my tongue didn’t have enough room and my teeth were getting worn down). Anyway, I got a recommendation from Aden’s dentist and looked at their website and it looks super fancy... like they are all about cosmetics and that’s it. I looked at other options for dentists who take my insurance and picked out one who looked friendly and said she liked hiking and her kids. But when I called, I was told the entire office she is at is not taking new patients.

Seriously? This is what it is like anywhere anymore. No one seems to be available when you need them. I have to go back and look again or pick someone I wasn’t as excited to work with. It’s such a stressful process for me to begin with. I wouldn’t have had to see my orthodontist at all if I had just had new retainers made when my old ones broke/were accidentally thrown out when Aden was a baby. But I felt overwhelmed and didn’t feel like I could have anyone watch him and I was just scared.

Me: I'm me!

Aden: But who are you?

Me: I'm myself! Who are you?

Aden: No, but what is your name?

Me: I'm LazyBones. Who are you? (No response.) Are you LazyBones, too?

Aden: No. I'm... CrazyBones!

Anyway, I listen to music pretty much the whole time. That’s how I get through it. I play music I love and I sing along. Early in the drive, I mentioned to Aden that he could always let me know if he didn’t like a song. “I like all of the songs you play, Momma!” was his reply. Melt. My. Heart.

On the drive home, somehow during the last hour I just started making up songs. Well, two. But two in an hour isn’t bad. :P Aden loved that and we sang them together round and round. They were just choruses. He freestyled some verses on one, though.

After a while, they tried to go down by a creek. The other mom’s foot is broken and she wasn’t able to go after them, so we both were kind of yelling at them to stay closer. They didn’t like that. Aden was asking why. Etc., etc. So I went toward them to enforce that we wanted them to stay close. While over there, they found this ribbonlike stuff that shined like VHS tape ribbon. They started calling it “magic tape.” At one point, the other boy hid some in the dirt and told Aden he would show him a trick, then had Aden close his eyes and he revealed the magic tape. Aden’s jaw dropped. :P

A little while later, a mom comes over to us, asking about something and referencing a shirt. I couldn’t tell what she said and thought she was looking for a lost piece of clothing. “Is one of you the mother of a boy in a tan shirt?” Oh. Aden was wearing grey. The other mom’s boy was wearing blue. “My son has long hair,” I said. She replied, “Then he’s yours. Your son pushed my daughter.” Oh joy. I didn’t even want to get into that, but that’s what happens when you are a parent. I told her I was fine with her talking to him. “I think it’s good for kids to hear from other adults,” I said. But honestly, I didn’t want to go talk to him. He hates even the slightest tone of confrontation or criticism and runs away or deflects or acts out more. She said she doesn’t think that’s her place unless she has permission from the other parent, and I again said it was fine to speak with him about it.

Later, in the car on the way home, I brought it up with him, asking what happened. He openly said that he pushed her and that hurt my heart. “She said it wasn’t magic tape!” he cried. Oh boy. I talked with him about how it’s never okay to hurt other people (this is not some new conversation; he just usually -doesn’t- hurt other people intentionally... or, really, it’s me he attacks, not others), but also that anyone can have any belief they want. No one has to believe what you believe. No one has to agree with you. It isn’t worth getting angry over.

It was wild to me that this was what set him off enough to push someone. Granted, I am sure he was hungry at that point. I sure was. If I keep him well fed he is so much more grounded and moves on from things easily, etc. I had made breakfast that day but it was close to lunch at that point and the breakfast wasn’t that large. When we got in the car, he immediately accepted a Larabar, but he had refused food when he was on the playground. He won’t stop playing to eat, so I really have to front load him a lot to keep him stable.

I know he isn’t the only kid who has hurt another child. But man, that was such a blow to hear that. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but I also didn’t doubt the little girl -- there was no reason for her to lie. I apologized to her on his behalf before they went to speak to him. I don’t know if he apologized; he often gets embarrassed and tries to run away from that responsibility. I’ve tried to follow up on that as much as I can because apologizing, which I definitely also do model to him, is so important. He also touches things constantly and wiped off some letters on a board at the library yesterday and I made him go to the librarian in the area and let her know (though he wouldn’t say it and cowered, so I had to) so it could be re-written. I didn’t make a big deal about it, I just know I feel embarrassed too and I want him to learn that these things are not big deals -- but, really, even if they were, it is still best to own up to your choices.

Paul went to the store the other day and I was out of my herbs so I asked him to get some for me. I texted him this information. I said not to get chives if they were yellow, as they are too old and I throw out most of the carton.

He came back and put the groceries away. Later, I glanced in the fridge and saw two cartons, so I assumed he had gotten my mint and cilantro and not chives.

Yesterday, Aden and I did a little shopping at a chain grocery store I only go to rarely. As soon as I entered the produce area, the cilantro screamed at me. It was so fragrant. I thought, “I already have some at home, but this smells so damned good, and it’s only $1, so no big deal if I don’t end up getting to it.”

Today, I am making my faux pho, and I went to get the cartons out of herbs out of the fridge just now and what did I find? Mint and chives, no cilantro. So it’s a good thing the cilantro spoke so loudly to me in the store! The soup really needs all of these things, plus the basil that Paul also got me, and the lime juice. Leave one out and it’s surprisingly fairly bland.

The Dismemberment Plan - Life of Possibilities