Let's Ponder That: Pretending We're Smart

Say hey!

You delay, I delay – we all delay! Sorry it’s been so long, but fortunately we’ve been keeping up lately, so you have an idea of what I’ve been up to! I very much enjoyed reading your post, and I believe I have a few things to respond to, but I’ll begin with the easiest one – booze! Old fashioned and whiskey sour. What else could you need? Pro tip, make your own syrups. It’s just sugar and water in a 1:1 ratio. I recommend just doing a ½ a cup, since I don’t use that much in a short amount of time.

Now, on to the heart of the matter (see what I did there?). I am so happy that you’ve found love! It is not an easy thing to come by. I think it’s great that you paused and took some time for reflection too – a hard thing to do in the face of strong emotions! And you had a serious conversation about your future? Sounds like you’re in a real mature, adult relationship! You have found something special if I can believe you 😉 so hang on to her! I have learned with you how challenging long distance can be, so it’s great to hear you making a plan to be together soon. It sounds like it makes a lot of sense to enjoy the Nashville area while you’re young, and like you said it’s not forever. It is a tough situation though when you both have good opportunities in different areas, family to consider, etc. (for reference see my life, page 394). Of course, I’ll still remind you that my area is a great place for hip, young cool people like yourselves to move to 😉. And hey, no hard feelings towards the lady – I know you love me, and the love you and her share is a different kind of love. So I suppose I can share.

So besides being happy about you happiness, what have I been up to? Well, like the true yin to my yang, the peanut butter to my jelly, there must be balance between our circumstances apparently (more to come on destiny and fate later). Things have, in the grand scheme of things, been going just fine! But if you take a magnifier to the last couple weeks I’ve had you’d go AGH! To keep it short, and not fall into a rant, work has been incredibly stressful trying to get a release out (even though I know it’s not super critical) and some staff trouble looming for my Monday morning. That’s kind of the least important, but most prevalent (you know since I’m there 40 hours a week) stressor at the moment. My grandpa is not doing very well. I saw him on Mother’s Day and it was pretty bad. Luckily he got in to the doctor last week and seems to be doing better, but he is 92, so of course I want to keep him around as long as we can, but I am well aware of his age. And just today I found out my youngest aunt who has had health problems for years is not doing super well. Of course family health issues are always worrying, and to top it all off there’s been trouble in paradise, as you are aware. We haven’t had another discussion yet, so I’m still feeling a bit in limbo in our relationship, but I care about her so much and will try to work things out how I can, while still being true to myself and my values. I appreciate you offering your insights the other week, more than you may realize. So, it’s been a difficult time, but there are good days on the horizon! I am excited to move in August, some trips coming up in the summertime, seeing you crazy kook, and of course some sort of return to normal life as the pandemic situation improves.

Now, on to what you’ve really been waiting for – my lit review! So I just finished reading The Lady of the Lake, the final piece of the Ciri and Geralt storyline for the witcher books, and as I usually feel after finishing a series, I am full of emotions! I’ll avoid any direct spoilers for your sake, as I think you know enough about the witcher genre to follow with whatever philosophizing is about to follow. Not surprisingly, the ending was what one might call bittersweet. What I suppose I was more surprised by was to learn that the games are not canon. I had seen so many similarities between the games and the books, that I figured I would get to the end of the novel and see the jumping off point for the Witcher 3: Wild Hunt. Minor spoiler alert – I did not find that jumping off point. Sapkowski gets into some very interesting ideas weaving different myths and legends together towards the end of the series, which I thought was very neat as a DnD player who thinks planar travel and time travel are super cool. His “realism” or pessimism, depending where you look at things from, I also found a bit refreshing from a lot of modern media, where everything kind of works out for the best. Much like George R.R Martin, Sapkowski was not afraid of being brutal to his characters, and maybe it was easier because even though I am in love with his characters, it always felt like I was an observer, listening to the retelling of a story that was already written, the ink dried, the outcomes already made up, no matter when or how I turned the page. (One of the ways he did this I very much want to take as inspiration for DnD – between each chapter he includes an excerpt from a book that exists in his world; encyclopedias, a book of fairy tales, war records from opposing sides, etc.). So it was almost nihilistic to keep reading, knowing there wouldn’t be a happy ever after, but that didn’t stop me from eating it all up.

Everything has been, everything has happened. And everything has already been written about. ~ Vysogota of Corvo

Is this paragraph about the witcher too, you wonder? Why yes, yes it is. And that line is from a character that I was surprised by how much I ended up loving, despite his relatively minor inclusion (note I do not say minor role). In the last few chapters of The Lady of the Lake (which also, go figure, is a frame story – I bet you can put some pieces together), Sapkowski talked a lot about Order, Chaos, Evil, and Progress, which was all interesting and in the bar scene that these conversations took place, I didn’t find myself able to agree with any one character. It was a good reminder that although problems can often seem black and white (especially in the polarized political climate nowadays), many things are not so simple to categorize into right and wrong. Gosh there is just so much I could get into with these books, but to begin wrapping up, I was particularly interested in a short monologue about Destiny from sorceress Philippa Eilhart. I won’t get into it, since I plan to use a lot of the ideas for a certain elven ranger you might know, but it is such an interesting concept to think about, particularly when things happen in our lives beyond our control. Many times people say things like “Everything happens for a reason” and slap it on a picture of a mountain in fancy cursive writing to confront such hardships. My perception is that in this modern era we don’t talk about destiny, but maybe we still believe in it without realizing. Maybe we have to. We’ve explained so much through science and reasoning that one can make an argument against destiny, even some against religion, but I’ve always been someone who has been able to believe in both, despite any contradictions that might arise. Life, love, destiny, the pursuit of happiness – how can we know everything about everything? There will always be something beyond us, above us. It doesn’t explain away tragedies like the sudden loss of a loved one that too many of our friends have experienced recently, but the one thing I (and Sapkowski) think destiny offers us is hope. Maybe this was obvious to you all along, but it’s a realization I’ve only recently come to, and I’m grateful to these books for that, at least, in a time where I feel like so much around me is going wrong, I lean on destiny to remind me that it will be alright. Whether that is a good or bad thing to do, does that really matter? I don’t think so.

Well, having lived up to my title as Professor Souls, I’ll leave you to ponder. Naturally, I recommend you read these books! They’re a bit different in writing style, but I ended up falling in love with it honestly. And if you won’t read, then play Gwent with me! Or don’t. What media have you consumed recently that made you think deeply?

And at long last, you’ve reached the end of this post. The serpent Ouroboros has grasped his own tail, and an ending becomes a beginning.

Thinkin’ hard,

Professor

Greetings fellow dude,

Sorry that it has been awhile! You know, life gets busy and time passes. I need to be better at this, and I have said this before. I have been a good kind of busy though, outside of work, I have DnD with you and the gang, a girlfriend who demands time ;) and our friends that we play games with. I even have the occasional traveler stop by here and spend a couple days, or sometimes I go somewhere out of town. Which leads me to the reason I get back to writing this. As you know, I was just in Arizona with the lady and her parents. It felt so good to get away from the hustle and bustle of the everyday work grind, unplug and get into nature and all of the beauty God has created. We hiked every day we were there, except for the morning we left to go back home. But really, the vacation helped put things into perspective. Nothing does that better than separating yourself from the routine we all settle into on a day to day basis. As I sat in the sun and admired all the old guys playing golf, I couldn’t help but think about the things that bring me joy. I could go on and on about what makes me happy and what I wish I could do, but I really want to talk about expressing to those in our lives that we cherish, because boy oh boy did I do that, and I don’t regret it.

I have no flowery or clever way to say it, so let me just say it plainly, I’m in love! But the best part, I don’t just hold this feeling inside, I told her...and she felt the same way about me! Part of me was so scared to say it. I have had a few relationships, but none since back at home. I have felt strong feelings for some people, but never anything like this romantically. I love you to death, I truly do, but this is different. I actually took my time on this one. When she was here in Nashville for New Years, the feelings started to well up inside of me and I almost blurted it out as we said goodbye at the airport. But I held back and took time to reflect on it. Do I actually love her, or was I just feeling mushy in the moment she was leaving? What does it mean to love someone romantically other than the tingles you get when you kiss them? How do you know they love you and want to give a part of their self to you? I thought and thought and thought, and I looked for a sign. I got one. We were talking about what the future looks like for us because this distance thing sucks and it is hard. In the past, she has voiced her opinion on where she sees herself ending up location-wise, and Nashville was not part of that list. Now I don’t plan on making this place my home, I want to go back closer to home because family is everything to me. But, for now, Nashville is my home and I have steady work that will allow me to grow and strengthen myself for the next step of life (whatever that may be!). So one day I asked her if she would consider moving down here for a little bit, not to put roots down, but to finally be together in the same place. We have friends down here, We are familiar with the area. We both have some work connections down here. I could see us spending a few years here before finding our home. I didn’t really expect anything from her in terms of an answer, but she surprised me when she said she had thought about it. She admitted that she never wanted to go back, but since being with me, she opened up the door to being where I am. When she said that, I knew that what I was feeling was real. It wasn’t just fluff and circumstance because we live hundreds of miles apart. This is real love where I see how we have changed each other and we grow together and I can’t imagine my life without her. You make me laugh, you understand me like most people never will, and we have fun together, but this girl, she has seen my soul, good and bad, and she more than accepts me for the broken man that I am. She embraces me and has chosen to love me back. It feels so good to say it to her freely now. I can’t imagine not saying it anymore. I don’t know what the next steps are. I don’t anticipate her moving down her soon. And I don’t know if I will move just yet, but I do know that she is by my side and I by hers.

I am really happy right now.

Final concluding thoughts and then I will be done. Recommendation of the week: write a hand-written note to someone. I have been doing so recently and it combines the joy of getting mail with the joy of reading something that someone took personal time to write back to you. Also, I’m old fashioned and a hopeless romantic so obviously I’m into love notes. Question of the week: what have you been drinking lately? My usual drinks of choice are getting old and I am always interested to see what you are messing with. Anyways, that is all the time I have. Fill me in on what is picking at your brain! I NEEEEEEED to know how you are and what the 411 is. As always, love you.

Cheers,

Pleasant greetings, friend!

Where to begin after so many weeks of silence? Much has happened, but in a way also very little has happened. I’ve settled in to my new place and my new job in this new chapter of life. Yet despite what sound like big changes, it’s all already become my new normal. I get up in the morning, go to work, come home, have dinner, do something game or video related, go to sleep, and repeat. And I only want to say that with a hint of pessimism, because if you were to ask me how I’m doing, I would say life is good! I have a roof over my head and a great job under my belt for at least another year, great friends, girlfriend, family, and to top it off I play DnD twice a week now instead of once. I guess the only thing that’s really got me down is the solemn realization that there’s no going back to simpler days. Being an adult comes with so many perks, but also so many challenges, hardships, struggles, whatever you want to call them. I don’t think that I want to go back to childhood, but I do want to do what I can to make adulthood more...whimsical. Don’t get me wrong, most of my evenings are full of games, Netflix, or something recreational, but it’s the evenings where I have to remind myself to call the dentist, refill that prescription, take the car in to Discount Tire, or have hard conversations with my girlfriend that I stop and think “This is it.” I’ve made it to the long awaited adulthood! And then I stop to wonder what it was I was so excited about. Like I said, I do think I’m happy right now, just enjoying my musings while I can about the loss of the rose-colored glasses I wore for so long in my lovely world where everyone got along, I had everything I wanted, and didn’t have to spend a dime I didn’t want to. And I’m so grateful that that was my childhood experience, because it’s not for so many others. But that’s not something I thought about back then, as a kid. I thought about when I could go to the park, or who to text until the wee hours of the morning, or what video game to play. I still do some of those things, but my entire perspective has shifted up, and now I look down on the world around me and see all the ugly parts, responsibilities, and sorrows. It’s hard not to think about it all.

I am sorry that your family is going through a hard time, but I know you will all make it through it. I know you’ve always been close with your family, and it’s important that you all lean on each other for support in times of need. When the physical distance gets you down, just remember to give thanks for the tools and technology we have now that can make us feel close to the ones we love. I know that you all trust in His plan, just like I do, so I’m confident you will make it through this, just as my family did when my dad was out of work a few years ago. Your mother is an awesome, warm, spunky woman who I know will land on her feet, and I bet even if she didn’t would make the most out of falling over before she got back up again. Just like I know you could. I hope things are looking up for you all, and am here to support all of you however I can.

As John Green (at least I think I heard it from him) so often says, one of his favorite things about humans is that we are resilient. In the face of terror, tragedy, and tribulations, we move forward, and we remember how to enjoy the small things. So what small things do I enjoy, you ask? I enjoy a cold beer on a hot day at a brewery that probably serves cheese fries, but doesn’t call them cheese fries. I like to play a game where I take on the role of a lone samurai trying to free his island from a Mongol invasion, all the while struggling with tradition and adaptability. And of course I like to see what my wacky friends come up with as we sit around a virtual table and write one of my favorite stories to date involving mystical goats, magic bricks, and sexy glasses. On top of that I do have those zoos to keep managing too. However, if you’re looking for something more concrete, I would highly recommend The Dragon Prince on Netflix. It’s by the creators of Avatar The Last Airbender and was a fun show to binge these last couple weeks about a few kids trying to save the world with a dragon’s egg. I think that show is really what moved me to use the word “whimsical” a couple paragraphs up. That show, and Avatar, have inspired me much as a world builder with their worlds that subvert the ordinary, while also employing rule sets on top of them that I unquestioningly accept as true, despite the elves, dragons, and magic before my eyes. I haven’t begun work on anything concrete yet, but that show really did get me excited about world building and I am eager to start concepting a new world that takes some twists on the usual DnD campaign setting and employs a lot more whimsy.

Hopefully you’re enjoying what you do, who you spend time with, and where you live, because we’ve hit adulthood and - for now - this is it, so make the most of it! Despite everything bad, sad, or what have you, we have so much to look forward to. At the very least I take solace in the fact that my college years were definitely not the greatest years of my life - one of the biggest lies we are told. Though I digress. Thanks for being my main man, and keep the music recs coming! There is so much good music out there we have yet to discover. With my last recommendation I leave you this: read! Pick up a book and start scanning those lines with your eyeballs. I’m not doing a great job of practicing that right now, but I am slowly trying to make my way into The Fellowship of the Ring - a must if I’m going to call myself a nerd. Keep on vibing my friend.

With all the good farewells I can give,

Le Prof

Guten Tag!

Moves have been made, am I right?! You are a big boy now! I know you last talked about how stressed life has been with so many unknowns floating around and being a source of disturbance in your life. As we move onto the next phase of life, our days become the work we do, the places we call home, and the people we spend time with and hold close. Any disruption of one of these aspects alone can wear and tear on a person and stretch them thin. But having almost all of those in flux, I can’t even imagine the internal stress you felt. But I know that you have started to piece some semblance of normalcy and establish a life for yourself. I cannot wait to see how you settle into a job that gives you experience in the field you ACTUALLY want to explore and make a home for yourself. It seems that half of our friends are experiencing the post-grad limbo of job hunting (unfortunately during a pandemic), while the other half of us are finding a little niche in the world to call our own, however temporary or beginner level it is. So from one bambi boy finding his legs in the wilderness of life to another, WELCOME TO THE GRIND! It feels pretty nice to just focus in on your job and not worry about what other million billion things for other classes and jobs and clubs you have to get done and in an excellent manner. So take a load off and grab a beer, it is time to reap the rewards of your hard work for the past years.

As you enter into the working grind, which you already know, I find it incredibly valuable to have some form of release and escape. Maybe this is the best time to figure out what that is and practice doing it because of the forced solidarity giving us the time at home to messed around. I know that should never be a problem for you to find some form of entertainment, as you are constantly reading or playing some game. I guess it helps that you work in the gaming industry and, being that games are kinda your life, playing them and experiencing them will always be a point of interest. So let me know what it is that you find to transport away from all the hustle and bustle. I would love to see what gets the juices flowing for you. Personally, outside of our DnD sessions, I have found a good source of release in my roommates as we joint-play games together. Our focus has been on these games with great narratives and characters, harkening more to cinematic experiences than a standard run and gun or rpg. For example, we are currently freeing a third world country from a dictator in Far Cry 3. Although a 1st person open world shooter at first sight, the story, visuals, and ability to choose your own story path are what drew us in and keep us coming back. I also just love the experience of playing a game with other people, as it strengthens the enjoyment of a normal game by allowing for a shared experience of a piece of art. Next on our list is The Last of Us, followed by part II. I am SUPER looking forward to seeing one of our favorite people’s character go through a pretty crazy situation. Lemme know of any other game recommendations that you have that remotely sound like what I have been describing.

And finally, the reason why this post has taken so long. I have been wrestling with the words and ideas that have been swirling around inside of me for the past couple months. I feel a mixture of embarrassment, anger, frustration, grief, and shock when I think about this. Most of all, I feel pain. So pardon me for however this comes out, as I still have yet to even fully put my own feelings into words that I feel describe what is going on. I want to pause here to take a beat to breath and also assure you that whatever comes next is not nearly as bad what you may be thinking now as you read. A lot of this stems from being blindsided by the whole circumstance, but I guess I should just get on with saying it. Last pause, as everything that we write in here is private, I want to emphasize how extremely private this is and would really appreciate your discretion. I just need someone to tell, and as I have made a vow to be more vulnerable with you, this is something I find very important. So as things in the world have gotten crazy, the craziness and destruction impact more than just the outside world, but those close to us. A few weeks after we graduated, my mom got news from work that she was going on furlough for an indefinite amount of time, and her position would be re-evaluated at the end of July, hoping that things would start settling back to normal. So for a few months, my mom was kind of in limbo, but she used that time to get a lot of priorities in order. She got pretty involved in church with the band and started singing more again, something that she hadn’t done in quite a few years. She also started helping with a charity my godparents started and found a lot of comfort helping out those with less in her time of uncertainty. But we thought all of this would be temporary, after all, she has been with the company for over 30 years and has been more than loyal. But at the beginning of July, she got a call from her boss saying they were gonna have to let her go. I know people lose jobs all the time, and even more so in today’s climate, but you never see it happening to your family and those that you love so dearly. When she called me to let me know, I could hear her holding back tears, trying to be strong. I was honestly at a loss for words when she told me. I felt enraged at the company for doing this to my mom. I was worried about what would happen to my parents’ plans for their own future, as my mom was kinda the bread winner for the family, which comes with having one parent owning and operating a small business all by himself. But mainly I just felt as if I had shattered into a million pieces that were flung into the wind. I love no person more in this world than my mom. She, no matter how much I didn’t want to hear it, taught me right from wrong, pushed me to reach for MY dreams, sacrificed WAY more of herself than any person should for another human. She is both the strongest and kindest person I have and ever will meet, yet there I was, on the phone with her during a really dark time in her life, and she was holding back tears still trying to be strong for me. I feel helpless in a situation like this! I am barely making enough money to look out for myself, let alone do anything to help my parents out! I know I can say nice, encouraging words, but I want to fix things and make everything good for them, for her. Without my parents, I would be nothing. So to see them go through this trial has really kind of messed me up inside for a couple months now. My mom has thought about going back to school because she never finished her degree, but schooling is NOT cheap. She is 53 now, she should be thinking about retirement in a few years and life outside of work right now, not going back to school just to make ends meet. I applaud her for how well she has taken this and how she continues to persevere in the face of opposition. I cried like a baby after I got off the phone with her that day in July. My parents are my rock in this life and I ache to see them in pain. I am lucky to have a brother that is certified in talking through bad experiences. He has been a big help. If there is a bright spot from all this, our family has grown a lot closer during these past few months, which hurts just a little bit more that I can’t go see my family and give my mom a hug. I miss them so much. The other positive is now my mom is free to pursue a work-life that she can choose. For too long she was doing this job to provide for us boys, but now she can do what has been on her heart. Luckily, she has a great support system around her that is in constant prayer for her and my dad. She got a call from their lead pastor a week ago, where they have a position they thought would be perfect for her coordinating the various community outreach programs the church is involved with. She never expressed interest in the position or sought out anything of the likes, she just popped into their mind and she has a meeting with the board of the church coming up. So there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I know this is probably by far the longest post I have written, but I needed to talk with someone about it. Again, I ask for discretion as we haven’t told many people about it. I am not sure who, if any of our friends’ parents know, as this is not my place to be telling others. As you are my confidant, I trust you with anything that I say and know that you will be there to support. So if others are to know, it should be and will be on my parents’ terms. Sorry for the heavy dump I just took here, but I appreciate you listening. I also hate to end on such a negative note, but it doesn’t feel right to end any other way. I will leave you with this, love those close to you and give your family an extra long hug when you see them next. Who knows what will happen between now and the next time.

With much love,

Ho sailor!

No need to apologize for your lateness, we’ll both just have to try and be better. If it makes things easier, if we start posting more often, the posts (maybe) won’t be as long - hah! I know it’s only been a few posts each since our return, but I’ve been enjoying writing out my thoughts, and you asked for word vomit this week so be prepared for the worst. Also my wireless keyboard is pretty spotty. It wiill laag, add extra letters, and otherwise test my patience, so if eventually I get tired of correcting it, apologies! I’m thinking I’ll buy a nice keyboard soon. Now I’ll get on with it!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the wedding. I’m glad you were able to enjoy it and hope everyone is able to stay safe and healthy in these troubling times when I can’t help but worry about it. I’ve been to many of my cousins’ weddings, which have been nice, but I can’t imagine the weirdness that will be the first of my friends’ weddings! It sounds like you had a lot of fun though, and had some good emotional experiences - just what weddings are for. We’ve got a pretty big group from back home to look forward to celebrating with - hopefully we can all space them out evenly heheh. You are right that love is beautiful and should be celebrated. It’s funny, just yesterday, August 3, was actually a Nerdfighteria holiday to celebrate familial and friendly love specifically - Esther Day. I think it’s come up in the group before, but check it out if you’re interested. I may be a day late on it, but I love you and value all the laughs and joys you’ve brought to my life from the moment we became side-pockets! 

I think your motivation to start practicing what you preach about relationships is wonderful! Admittedly, I have felt more distant to you during college than I would have liked. Obviously its a two-way street, and things aren’t helped by the geographic distance, but this blog is a good way to open those lines again. Your words and commitment to our friendship made me emotional when I read it so thanks a lot for that! I do want to be a best friend to you that you can open up to and share all your deepest darkest secrets so I can sell them to information brokers in exchange for cryptocurrency. In all seriousness, I do want to deepen our friendship, as I have felt like there wasn’t quite a wall, but more so a fence between us - meaning just that there seem to be things that we just don’t talk about. You know Lyss is my best woman (friend), and even with the metaphorical fence, you’re still my best man! We’ve just got some weird connection for both being so strange and nerdy, so let’s best friend it up!

Most recently I’ve been exceedingly stressed and busy. Work has been mostly good, until the errors of a past employee we had to let go catch up with the rest of the team, hindering their work, and causing us to need to delay our delivery. It’s not a huge deal because we’re working with a good client, but I can’t help but feel responsible for these setbacks. As the producer I should have been ready to predict this when we let this guy go, but I didn’t and now we’re dealing with the consequences. I don’t blame myself too much because I am new to the industry, so I’m trying to just take this learning experience and keep on marching on. I haven’t been looking for more work so much as holding out for a full time offer, so I’ll keep you posted. Besides work, Raquel and I got into our biggest argument yet which was awful. I won’t get into details, but I ended up going home so we could talk it out and we’re good now. Which is good since that was a week before our three year anniversary! I’m glad I went home to work things out because we had a great weekend out by me the next week. Had a lovely dinner outside at a great restaurant and we took some grad pics for me since I hadn’t done that, and I just printed them out and surprised my parents with them, and they loved it! It was a lot of fun to spend time with her and just celebrate our continued love. I don’t know what things will be like since we’ll be long distance for the forseeable future. I don’t think that truth has really hit me yet. I kind of just keep expecting her to move out here and we’ll be together, but that’s probably unrealistic! Anyways, we had a nice anniversary and I’m a lucky guy to have gotten back in her good graces after my big oof at the end of high school there. 

While home, I was also lucky enough to be able to camp out in Silbs’s backyard with the peeps which was really nice to see everyone again - wish you could have been there! I didn’t sleep well because camping and I’m a light sleeper, but there were also some famous chocolate chip cookies in attendance, so it was all worth it. Along with that, the niece and nephew spent the night at our house Saturday which was a crazy time. Lots of running and screaming. I went to bed early that night hah! It was good to see them - they recently got a new puppy and lil nephew has had two visits from the tooth fairy already! They’re getting so big! Another reason I was home was to get some things to move to a new apartment near work. My dad came up yesterday to help me move, and it was a long tiring day again. I’ve been here for a day now, and I think it will work out, but it was not easy to get to this point! Trying to find an affordable one-bed willing to do a month-by-month lease was not easy, but I ended up renting out the top of a duplex from a friend of one of my professors that I had tea with a couple weeks ago. My landlord has been pretty flexible and laid back so far which is appreciated. I’m all settled now (as you saw) and I think it’ll be nice for a while. 

Keep me posted on your Hinge adventures! As the saying goes “good things come to those who wait” so just keep that in mind - the right person for you will come along some day! I know there’s been a lot of maybes and what ifs the past year or so, but just don’t stop believin’ in love, baby. Also I hope we can get back to our DnD campaign soon! I miss you guys. I did listen to “A Love  Supreme,” and I’d say it was good. Different than even the jazz I usually listen to. I get the impression that like fine wine, that sort of jazz is an acquired taste. Makes me want to get back into being a musician! I’m thinking the harmonica? Answer: either as long as it’s a  pretzel. Question: what do you know about tri-color pasta? That was a lot to read, but thanks for sticking around. Take care and stay safe until next time!

Your Obedient Servant,

Hi ho neighbor!

Many apologies for my insubordination master! You know how things get...”Oh, I will get to this later tonight. Oh, maybe tomorrow. Oh, maybe this weekend.” I did want to wait a tad on this post because I had a fun weekend last week and I figured something would poop out of my brain on that topic. I do cherish this time we can spend catching up with each other’s lives; sometimes typing out your actual thoughts and posting them for anyone to find is easier than vocalizing them. But you know that already.

So the reason I pushed off this post was because I wanted to wait for the wedding to pass so I could talk about it. I don’t really know what I want to say about it, but it was a beautiful thing to behold. I guess I really enjoyed it because 1) I know the bride and groom so well since we all lived together. I mean, I lived longer with Cameron and was one of his groomsmen, but in no way did I feel like I was just at his wedding. Spenser and I have our own friendship outside of Cameron and I couldn’t have been happier to see her walk down the aisle. Of any girl I have know throughout college, she has been the closest one to me and I got pretty emotional watching her enter. I got even sappier when I saw Cameron show some emotion when he saw her, cuz he never shows emotion. And 2) being one of the groomsmen, you just get another experience than if you were a simple guest. I loved being a part of such an important step in life and just walking next to him during the day. And as much crap as taking wedding photos gets, I really enjoyed taking them; I felt like a movie star!  As I look over the relationship I had/have with the bride and groom, I can’t help but look to the future and wonder about when I get to do that with you. CUZ I BETTER BE YOUR BEST MAN! But in all seriousness, if I could enjoy and cherish the memory of the wedding for two people I knew for only 2ish years, I can only imagine what it will be like seeing my best friend get married, and hopefully to someone I know and love, too. All this to say, love is beautiful and we need to do better at celebrating that and showing each other how much they mean to us. 

Lyss and I were talking earlier this week about how awful we both are about communicating and reaching out to our friends. Sure, some relationships just grow apart and are never as strong as they once were, but at some point, that can become a crutch to make us feel better about our social ineptitude. I feel like I need to reevaluate my priorities and start putting people higher on my list. As someone that preaches relationship over any other thing, be it politics or religion or any other thing that people make the center of their lives, I REALLY need to do a better job of practicing what I preach, and that starts with being more present in your life. I called my mom the other day and she wasn’t able to answer, but my dad picked up and we spent quite a while talking. I realized that I never really knew that much about who my dad is and how he came to be the man he is now. I’ve spent 22 years seeing him as the lecturer or enforcer of our family, but as I grow and mature into my own adult, I want to start seeing him as a friend I can just enjoy talking too. And I never want to have that realization with you. A best friend should be someone that is open and honest about  the posture of their heart, that enjoys talking for the sake of talking, if it just means means that the time spent together is wordless but matters because it was time spent together. I feel like in that sense, I have failed you and I want that to change.

So here we go. How have you been? How has work and the work search been? I hear you talk about moving, but gimme deetz! I wanna know everything! How was your weekend with Raquel? How is Raquel? How are you two doing? Just gimme a word vomit when you post. Quick update with me: I am now partially working remotely. MWF I go into the office, TR I work from home, effective immediately. My roommate from Japan is back as of a few hours ago, so the original 3 are now finally all together in the house, plus Peyton. Two of my friends made a Hinge (dating app) account for me, which I have been semi using. I have not been reading, but I have been listening to more music. I love your additions to the playlist, but I have also been dabbling in old jazz. One of my Uber drivers was a jazz drummer and he recommended the album “A Love Supreme” by John Coltrane. Check it out. I am a couple songs in and I want your take. I haven’t been exposed to this level of soulful chaotic jazz in my life and I have yet to formulate an opinion. Lemme know what you think. In response to my own question from last time, the game show I would love to host is Silent Library! New question of the week: crunchy or chewy? Do with that what you will, I am interested to see what you got for me.

Your Obedient Servant,

Well hello there,

I’m sorry it’s been so long! As you know I lost internet for quite a few days and visited back home and with work I’ve just been busy, but I am back. Oh and I totally haven’t been playing a bunch of video games or anything either...anyways, I’m glad to hear you’re going to take things as they come. There’s no use worrying about things you can’t control, but you should still do what you can to be ready when opportunity comes knocking. You’re a good host though, so I’m sure opportunity will enjoy its visit with you! Just remember not to be bogged down by expectations - do what you will and be who you will be. You said you love history, but aren’t sure what you could do. There are lots of traditional options, but it’s 2020 - you have the internet - think outside the box! Whatever it is, you’ll do great. 

It’s been a while since I posted, so I hope you’ve started reading again! Since finishing Shogun, I’ve kind of fallen off the book bandwagon while I play more video games, but it’s all stories, kind of. Some other updates for ya - I’ll be staying at my current job (still part time) through November, in the hopes of getting a full time offer before then if we can get some funding. So I should still be here for a while, and hopefully another year or two at this job (at least). I’ve been playing a lot of Northgard, which I’ve already bugged you about, and started listening to The Adventure Zone: Graduation, DnD podcast by the McElroy guys - some very funny stuff in there, such as issuing a subpoena to a Xorn. I’m hoping while I’m here that I can get into some more DnD campaigns, since I’m always itching for more. It was great to hear about Lenny! I love just coming up with character ideas, and he sounds like a fun character. Keep me posted on “the best of Lenny.” You really need to play a character with higher intelligence, because you as a person have ideas that are too smart for your dumb boys! 

I’m glad you found a great love for DnD! I think it’s a great game and way to spend time with friends. But I don’t need to tell you how much I love DnD. I am sorry to hear you get lonely sometimes though. I know for a fact though that all of us from back home would love to hear from you more! I’m sorry you lost that connection with that certain friend, but just remember there is still a friendship there. From what I know, you don’t really talk to anyone else from the herd from back home, but if you’re feeling lonely, you’ve still got all of us as devoted friends. I know online communication isn’t the same as in-person, but it can still be pretty sweet. 

I suppose I should also mention, there was about a week when I was not doing so hot. I had missed an opportunity I thought I had for full time employment, but it fell through (just delayed, not totally gone). It was my own fault for getting myself into a headspace where I was going to get it then, which then led me to feel bad when it didn’t happen, but in reality the odds of anything happening that soon were pretty low. It just got me anxious about my future, since I didn’t know where I would live or what I would do without this job. The extension of part time employment has alleviated a lot of the stress, but I know I’ll have to address it again if I don’t get a full time offer in the next few months. It was just hard to worry about so many unknowns: work, residence, getting a car, being away from home (or being stuck AT home), and student loans. I’m feeling much better now, trying to remember that if I can’t control it I shouldn’t let it get me down too much.

Alright, let the wrap up begin. To answer your question, I would love to host Whose Line is it Anyway? because that’s one of my favorite comedic shows. It’s so random and goofy and hilarious that I think that would be a super fun job with lots of laughs, and occasional singing! It’s got everything I love. It’s also not super mainstream which I like because I don’t need too much attention, just a strongly devoted niche base. On the flip side, I’d also love to host Jeopardy, because I love trivia and just watching the show, so might as well pretend host it! Recommendation for the week: check out the end of the playlist, I’m going to be adding some songs that I’ve really been enjoying from my Discover Weekly! Question of the week: would you be interested in more discord chats? I was talking with another friend of ours about wanting hang out with you nerds more, and we figured we’re probably all sitting around playing games or something at home every week, so we might as well just hop on a call and hang out while we all do our own thing. Thoughts? Other ideas on how we can all stay connected? 

Keepin’ on,

Good Evening Monsieur,

Lemme just start off by saying that it is so refreshing to have such a calming voice talk me off the ledge of stressed out adulthood. The world is a scary place that can chew you up and spit you out before you even know it happens. And unfortunately, sometimes I get swallowed up in the unhealthy mindset that I have to have my shit together and have all the answers. Luckily, the world can also be a pretty beautiful place, made peaceful and bearable by the people you have in your life - and a little whimsy doesn’t hurt either. You ask me what I would want to do if there were no limitations of money and status, and that is exactly what I ask myself on a daily basis. If I am being honest, I think I would want to hang out with my friends on a professional level. Watching Critical Role and other content creators, it is so heart warming to see friends living and working together, being their authentic selves and creating something that they love. Maybe that is why I am so drawn to D&D, because there is an element of creation and personality that is so tightly interwoven with the relationships of the people around the table (or in the Discord). Plus, I am a huge nerd. But I guess all I want in life is to create something with people that I love. Being a doctor would be lead to an awesome life, and I think I would be pretty good at it, but who knows if I have what it takes to make it there? I love history, but what would I do? It is the story that draws me to history. I tell everyone that my favorite aspect of history as a whole is the oddness of it all. Here are these series of events that happened to a bunch of random people in random places, all sounding like a made up story, yet they all ACTUALLY happened! A Roman emperor actually appointed his horse to the Council! I am just torn on what it is that God has in store for me. I know He has a plan, and all things will work together in my favor, but the mortal in me cries out for clarity and a roadmap. But until the day comes for me to make those decisions, I am taking it as it comes.

I’m glad you talked about books so much. Even before I moved into my new place, I was thinking about getting back into reading. So I had my parents bring me the rest of the GoT books (2-5). I haven’t started reading 2 again, but I am slowly starting to lean towards picking it back up. I have this great corner in my room next to a lamp, a window, and my small bedside table that is just screaming for a comfortable leather recliner to find its home there. If I just had that, I would read so much. But that is just an excuse for not reading.

Speaking of literature, Lenny was a really fun character to write and act out. We started the campaign last week and it is looking like he will be coming out to play every Wednesday night. He is a Leonin (lion-man) Barbarian. Absolute tower of muscle, but just the sweetest guy. While he has the intelligence of 7, he is actually revered as the smartest member of his tribe. As the prince, he has been called to embark on the right of the kings, a great hunt that every leonin prince of his tribe must endure, venturing out into the great beyond to slay vile monstrosities of nature like chimeras, manticores, and owlbears; beasts of unnatural combination. Only when he has slain these beasts of legend, may he return, offering up a trophy of his conquest, earning him the right to succeed his father as king. I’m gonna have a ton of fun playing this guy, wielding “Maw,” his glaive-sword, and just being a comedic relief for the party. Hopefully, I can play it just right where nobody really believes my story and takes me for a simple brute, only to find that everything I have been saying is true, but that depends on how well I can RP that.

D&D has been the only real noteworthy aspect of my life other than work. It can be a tad lonely here in Nashville, even though I have a few guys still here in Nashville, as well as roommates. But I just miss the day-to-day communication and excitement that comes with talking to someone about their day. I had that for most of quarantine with a certain lady friend from back home, but the trail has gone cold on that for the past month or so, which has been a pretty big downer for me. I am sure you understand who it is I am talking about and the very nature of this person may not surprise you when it comes to communication problems. And I must admit, I am not surprised that this very scenario has occurred, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. So I think the re-publication of this blog has come at a very good time for me.

Alright, wrap up time! My weekly recommendation will actually be two recommendations: 1) say “I love you” to someone you don’t say it too very often, because words have meaning and people need to hear how much people care about them, and 2) listen to “Bye Bye Lil Sebastian” from Parks and Rec because the song is stuck in my head today. Ponderance of the week: If you could host any TV game show for the foreseeable future (meaning not just a one-time gig but not for life), which would you choose? Felt like letting some of the randomness of my brain out and ending this week on a whacky note.

With love,

Welcome back to the Internet, Doc!

Not a real professor here signing on! I’m not sure I remember how to write anything in long-form anymore.The most regular form of writing I do nowadays is prepping notes for D&D - and those are terribly organized notes, by the way. I hope we can keep this up for a long while, because I’d hate to lose touch now. 

Last week, you asked me what you should do with your life. Well, that is a tough question to be sure. I’m sitting here listening to Tyler the Creator and wondering - what should you do with your life? What should I do with my life? Both good questions as we peer into the ever thickening fog of the futures! Now would be a good time for a crystal ball....but either way, here’s what you should do with your life, in this order. Firstly, give yourself a big pat on the back. You completed your undergraduate degree at one of the world’s top universities in four years AND you got two degrees. I know for a fact it wasn’t easy, which is all the more reason to take humble pride in this achievement. Secondly, treat yourself to some good food. Not only did you graduate, but you also lined work up just, what, a month after graduation? Less than that? Another huge accomplishment! Even if it’s only something temporary while you explore what’s ahead in your life, your independence is something to be proud of too. Third, pray. The odds of the answers you’re looking for falling into your lap are pretty slim. I know it’s scary stuff to think about, and not the most fun thing to do, but maybe you just need to spend some time in your mind, and decide what you really want to do. As I understand it, you have two degrees: neuroscience, and history - both equally valuable to you, even if you feel like one might be worth more or less depending on the work you had to put in. I imagine you feel like you’re at a fork in the road: one is an immediate career in history, and the other pursuing a career in medicine. I think the most important thing to remember is that whatever you do for the next 5 years does not stop you from doing something totally different 10, 20, 30, or more years from now! You’ve got the tools and the knowledge, now it’s time to use them to forge your path forward. Happy to talk to you more about it! Sometimes it helps to speak our thoughts and feelings aloud to come to new realizations. (Thoughts on Tyler the Creator: okay sure, not bad, but WHY ARE ALL THE SONGS IN ALL CAPS ON IGOR?!)

I do want to address your comments on adolescence before I get on to what’s happening in my life. There are a couple things to remember: no source of media can tell you what you’re doing is right or wrong, and that art imitates life. Which I realize with those statements I am providing you something very contradictory. All I mean is that I think society, largely through media, has forced onto us a sense of the “normal” or “right” things to be doing right now, coming out of college. From your writing, you seemed upset by the fact that you work a temporary job, aren’t settled down, and aren’t sure what to do next, but why should you be upset by any of this? You’ve barely been out of college for a month! Finding a career and a wife aren’t things that happen over night. I just finished reading Shogun by James Clavell, and there was a quote I really liked in there that went something like, “The first rule is patience. Second, patience.” I think this is something that really hit me because I am all too aware of my own impatience, both in trivial matters like trying to explain something to my mom, or wanting a career, and a house, and a car, and mortgage payments and insurance and all these other things we didn’t have to worry about as kids. My impatience lends itself to an over-eagerness to reach the next “checkpoint” of my life. Which I think is a dangerous mindset if I want to enjoy my limited time on this Earth! TLDR: be excited about Dungeons and Dragons, Avatar, new music, and whatever else makes you happy! It’s hard to process things nowadays because COVID-19 has warped my sense of time, but for what’s its worth, my opinion is that you’re right on track.

Okay, what have I been doing, you might be asking yourself? Well, I can keep it brief. I’m working part time at two jobs, one onsite in game production which I really enjoy, and the other fully remote and flex time - so it’s a pretty lax summer schedule. When I’m not at work, I’m most likely playing Planet Zoo. Other games I’ve been playing recently include Hollow Knight, Kingdom: New Lands, and Fire Emblem: Three Houses (still trying to finish that second playthrough!). My involvement in the Planet Zoo community has become more peripheral as I’ve gotten busier, but I am working on a building contest entry that one of my favorite streamers is putting on in her Discord server, so that’s fun! I had been reading a lot while working through the 1,200 pages of Shogun, but now that it’s done I haven’t been reading as much, unless you count D&D sourcebooks, because I’m also prepping for our next sessions every week! The more I do it and talk about it, the more I love world-building. I’m tempted to start building a wholly different world now too, just as a fun little side project....when I’m not working on our campaign or my Planet Zoo project to convert Purdue’s campus into a zoo! I also run sometimes, but don’t exercise nearly enough - I need to work on that (I use the heat as my excuse for not going out enough). So long story short, I’m doing well. I know a lot of our friends and peers have been very upset about missing graduation and the end of senior year, but I’ve done my best to just roll with it, and remember that it was all going to end soon anyways. So I’m just thankful for the health of my family and friends through all this, and try not to dwell on what might have been. Another loose quote from Shogun that I liked, “Why worry about the things we cannot change?”

I’ll wrap things up there for now! I can’t wait to hear about your “Lenny” - love the name by the way. Now I’ll pose to you a more serious question, in response to your serious question: what do you really want to do with your life - if you could do anything, and money, social pressure, and the opinions of others weren’t influencing factors? Hopefully that questions helps guide some of your thoughts on where to go next in this crazy game of life! As I wrap up listening to IGOR, my verdict is that I probably won’t willfully listen to rap still, but it wasn’t bad. My recommendation this week is to start reading for pleasure again, if you’re not already. Since you didn’t like the Dark Tower, I’d definitely suggest Shogun! (Shocker, I know). It’s great historical fiction set in feudal Japan during the Spanish Inquisition while England + The Netherlands are at war with Spain + Portugal. Lots of great political intrigue and drama. It’s a huge book, but I finished it in about 2 weeks because I couldn’t put it down! If you don’t want that, I’m thinking of starting Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series, but I haven’t started yet so I can’t say whether it’s good or not. And that’s all for now!

Still not a Professor,

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re back!

Little monster signing back on after a couple years of slumber! It has been quite some time, huh? What is there to say? Nothing has really happened. That’s it, that’s all I got. Hope everything is chill with you. Tag you’re in! No but in all seriousness, it feels good to do this again. There is something cathartic about putting the proverbial pen to the proverbial paper, ya know, in a proverbial sense ;). I find that I don’t have the opportunity to just vent or word vomit about what’s going on in my life anymore. It’s also just good that we are getting back to a dedicated time and space to spend with each other and just talk. But enough of the introductory mumbo jumbo, let’s get on with it!

What to start with, what indeed to start with? School? I guess so. Well, since the world decided to go to shit at the end of our senior year of college, life has been really weird. I didn’t go to class since before spring break, meaning I hadn’t attended a class since FEBRUARY! Classes were cancelled for the week after spring break, but then everything went online, but my professors just posted lectures online and didn’t host class. I literally just sat in my apartment and played video games for months. It also helped that we were allowed to take everything pass/fail if we wanted. That being said, I did run into a little scare. I was afraid that I was going to fail a class and that would keep me from graduating by one credit that I needed, then impacting my job I had lined up. Coming into the last week of school, literally finals week, I had a zero in the class because I had no work turned in. I missed the first and only test because I got sick and never made it up, plus I was skipping discussion which knocked some points off my grade. So all I had was this final, where I barely knew the material, but by the graciousness of my professor, and my ability to take in mass amounts of bullshit and spew it back out with a bow on it, I passed and got my degree. Well, two degrees actually, one in neuroscience, one in european history. But it doesn’t matter anymore cuz it is over and I am glad to be done for the immediate future.

Now I just gotta figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I feel like I have done an inverse of what most do in college. I came in knowing exactly what I wanted and what needed to get done, but now I am leaving with nothing but questions and the feeling like I am less prepared for the next step than ever before. Bear with me here as I go on a tangent, but it should make sense. So lately I have been pretty into video essays about bands, artists, and movies/tv shows. I love the deep dives into the talent of these crazy creators and have been really interested in the deeper meanings of what I love that have flown right over my head. But the other night, I was watching one about the show New Girl and it was brought up as the last show of its time. One where a group of young-ish adult friends live together, where only a few, if any, are in a serious relationship and have a stable job. The essayist was remarking that these types of shows, known as extended adolescence, were a product of the late 90s early 00s financial market problems, leaving the youth lost about what it was the world really had in store for them in adulthood. But I find myself disagreeing with the video, maybe because the world is going through a similar pattern as those years, maybe because I am desperately trying to hang onto my childhood where the problems aren’t so real and the sun shines just a little bit brighter, or maybe it is just a combination of both things. But I feel myself identifying more and more with those fictional characters more and more as I struggle to find the adult version of me. I work a temporary job, I am not settled down with anyone, and I am still searching for my path forward. I look forward to things like Dungeons and Dragons and Avatar the Last Airbender now more than ever. Am I alone in feeling this? Part of me hopes I am the only one so that others can move on and progress, but part of me hopes I’m not because then I would feel justified. I think I am gonna end it there for this foray back into our blogersation.

Sorry to end on such a down note, but that is just where my stream of consciousness took me. Next one will be a bit lighter. I will introduce you to Leonardo Raphael Donatello Michelangelo “Lenny” Roarington at a later date. As is tradition, I will end with my question of the week, as well as a recommendation. Question to ponder: what should I do with my life? Recommendation: I have been really into Tyler, the Creator lately. He is a rapper, but he makes very beautiful, soul-bearing music that is much more than the crap people pass for rap today. I recommend his latest album Igor, as well as Flower Boy. His song Earfquake has been stuck in my head for so long, but breaks my heart as he talks about a found love that leaves him, and he is begging them not to leave. So get out of your comfort zone this week and give it a listen-o.

Signing off with all my love,

Souls here,

Only a couple of days until we’re both back home, but as the title suggests, I actually have the time to write this, so here I am! For now, everything is going smoothly, I just have lots of work planned to do over spring break. I’m sorry to hear life has gotten to be so overwhelming - make sure you’re not stretching yourself too thin. Remember, you are a student first! 

Despite all the hardship, it sounds like you’ve gotten something great out of your experience - something very unique and personal that has shaped the person you are at this very moment, and I think that’s something valuable. I know it probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but it’s the times that try us the most that show us who we really are, and consequently allow us to become who we want to be. It’s like you’ve become more of a fun-loving, cooky prankster than you already were, but also on a more serious note that you’ve grown closer with God and the group of men who struggled along with you. As for the other friends you’ve known, I’m sure they still care about you. When there’s as much going on as there was in your life, it’s easy to let those insecurities consume you - just remember that that’s not you. I know I’ve experienced similar feelings when I’m at my lows, and things just don’t make sense and everything feels wrong, or bad, or terrible. Just try and stop, take a step back, and look at things with a clear mind. Hopefully that helps. 

I want to share with you some of the wisdom that was shared with me by another. If I haven’t mentioned it yet, I joined a leadership society, and the other night we watched a recording of a speaker from a couple years ago, Kat Cole. She had a very interesting story and lots of good ideas to share, so definitely check her out. The main points of her talk were three “p’s”: perspective, performance, and passion. Basically, it’s important to put things into perspective so that you have a solid understanding of your situation. Along with that, it’s so easy for us to say “Oh, who am I to think that, so many people have it so much worse.” But, the question there is “why does that mean it can’t still be better?” I guess my point with that is don’t ever feel like you’re being selfish for wanting things to improve, just remember that you have to put in the work to improve them, which leads to performance. The term she liked to use here was “hustle muscle.” She made an excellent point that you should be ready to say yes to whatever opportunities come your way that will further your life and goals, even if you don’t have the skills to do it yet. You need to be willing to put in the work to close that gap so that you can accomplish your goals. Finally, you need to always have confidence and pride in the work that you do, even when people doubt you, because if you don’t love what you do, then no one else is going to stand behind you. That was a very very broad overview, but hopefully you can get something out of that, because I know I really enjoyed her talk and feel I am able to better myself with her knowledge. 

Your thoughts on movies as a medium for political messages and creative expression - let’s circle back to that in the future, it sounds like an interesting discussion to have. However, you asked if I have a favorite Bible verse. I think the short answer is no, I haven’t really studied the Bible or been raised with any biblical proverbs. I can say though that there is one verse that has stuck with me after I heard it in a reading at mass months ago, and it is Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I’ll let you divine why that one has stuck with me. As for music, if you haven’t listened to Mt. Joy yet, they are my newest find, and what’s even better is they just recently released their first full album on Spotify, so check them out! I think you’ll like their sound. I hope you’re enjoying your break, doc. I’m looking forward to seeing the jelly to my peanut butter in a few days. Until then, keep on keepin’ on!

Hey buddy,

Long time no see, or hear from. That is my fault. Not only has blogging dropped off, but I barely even snapchat you or text you. I feel like I have missed out on so much of your life this past semester. And I can boil it all down to one reason...pledge. I will get to that, but just as a disclaimer, I can’t really give you a lot of details, at least not over the internet, but I can update you in person when I see you over spring break.

Sounds like life is pretty smooth sailing for you right now. Sure, classes always come with some semblance of stress, but it seems life you have a pretty good handle on what you are doing. Even the adult things of life seem to be coming more natural to you. I can remember when we first started this blog and you were pretty overwhelmed with the decisions of life. Now, you have academics figured out, a job on campus where you are thriving, a positive outlook on your job future, and internship details rather sewn up. I am so proud of you, and honestly, a little jealous. I'm feeling a bit behind as of late, and I really need to get back on track. But keep on doing what you are doing. I love to see the people I love succeed.

Now to catch you up on how I have been doing. Ummmm, overwhelmed would be a good word to use, but in a much more pervasive manner than how it is traditionally used. Pledge really tests you, especially BYX pledge where their whole purpose is to break you down and teach you that you can’t do life on your own, in the sense that you need God to work on your behalf and that you need to rely on others to carry your burden when you cannot. A really good verse that became our pledge class verse is found in Galatians 6:2 “Carry one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” It speaks to what I just posed to you. 1) we need each other and God to help us on our journeys, and 2) we need to learn what it is that God has called us to do and then go do it. But yeah, back to overwhelmed. Super busy. I had almost no free time during these past 6 weeks. Some days I would be up from 5:30 in the morning to 3-4 at night, splitting time between pledge tasks, time with the Lord, classes, and homework/studying. The first few weeks, I thought I could handle it because I was pretty decent at planning out times to do things, but as the weeks passed by with less and less sleep, pretty soon the moments where I was in class or studying, the lack of sleep would overwhelm my body and I wouldn't be able to focus. Don't get me wrong, yeah my grades definitely took a small hit, but I genuinely enjoyed the process of becoming brother of BYX. I have made a series of very special relationships with the 22 other guys that went through it with me that others won’t understand, not even the guys who have done the same things before us. But I really missed my best friend. You know how much I rely on my friends to pull me through the tough times, or even just to be there around me constantly. While pledge really grew me spiritually and exposed me to a whole new group of people I truly cherish, it was honestly one of the loneliest times I have experienced. A lot of the time, I felt abandoned by my friends here on campus that weren't in BYX, but knew that I was doing this. It hurt mainly because they had seen John Mark go through the same thing last year and they were always there to offer support or happy to see him whenever he was around. But for me, the person that really holds them all together and who has deeper relationships with each of them, I never felt like they cared for me or that I was ever on their minds. All I ever wanted was for them to send me a text once in a while to say, “hey, thinking about you” or “good luck today, miss you.” But not once did that ever happen. They were “too busy” or “didn't want to disturb me.” It doesn't take but 10 seconds to send a text, and the few seconds that I would take to read a message would be worth it to know that someone was thinking about me. Maybe I just have high standards, but it really hurt me over the course of pledge. I still haven't seen any of them or heard anything from them since I finished pledge. So yeah, that was how I was feeling in terms of my social life during pledge, but I really really enjoyed the process and I never wanna do it again.

Academically, I asked for my first ever extension on an assignment last week because I was way too busy. I was so busy and tired that I ended up skipping all of my classes to finish the paper on the day that it was extended back to. I don't know, I'm just kinda lost at the moment. I think getting through to spring break will really help me reset and get a grip on things. Speaking of spring break, while you guys aren't here, I'm going to be working on some summer internship applications to the Field Museum, Art Institute, and Shedd. Hopefully one of them works out so I don't lose my mind and panic about what I'm doing with my life, so keep me in your prayers while I email professors to write me some letters of rec and start to fill out my apps.

Let’s see, I saw both Annihilation and Black Panther recently, both were good. Black Panther was a bit overhyped but I enjoyed it. Don't agree with some critics that already put it as the best Marvel movie, but I guess that's what happens when a movie becomes more about a sociopolitical message than about the pure essence of a movie (don't take that as me being against whatever the message was for the movie, all people matter and deserve a fair fight). But sometimes I just want to go see a movie for pure entertainment and not get slapped in the face with a political message. Annihilation was crazy weird and kinda surreal towards the end. Makes me wanna read the books, so I would recommend checking it out. Other movie news, I recently watched a Wes Anderson film (he is the guy who made Fantastic Mr. Fox). The movie was called “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.” It's on Netflix and stars Bill Murray and Owen Wilson. Go check it out. On the music side of things, been listening to a lot of Jack Johnson lately, and even more recently, I would recommend the “Big Band” playlist under the jazz section of Spotify. They also have a swing playlist too that is pretty lively. I also learned how to swing dance, and found out that I am pretty decent at it, so maybe the dancing genes (jeans) run in my family ;). Encouraging word of the week, and also something that has had a profound impact on my life (ask me about it late, this post is getting long) is my favorite Bible verse that my mom used to tell me: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7. Take that in your heart this week and just meditate on what that means for us as humans. Question(s) of the week: do you have a favorite Bible verse? and if so, what is it? Also, what have you been listening to lately? I'm really sorry that I have kinda dropped off the face of the earth lately, but I'm trying to work my way back. Thanks for being my best friend and the person I can always turn to. You mean so much to me and I love you like you are part of me.

Love,

Hey bud,

Looks like the last time we posted was around Thanksgiving last year! Which means it’s time for an update, since I’ve got some time. I’ll keep it short - I know you’re busy, but we haven’t really talked in two months so I figured “why not?”

This semester is going well! Here’s my flash update. Classes are good - I’m learning how to create 3D models, use Unreal Engine, which is used to make games, and I’m doing a project on Dark Souls menu systems. I’m starting work on setting up my online portfolio, but pretty stressed about making work good enough to put in it since I still have so much to learn! It feels like I’ve been doing a lot more for the ambassador program lately, but I love it and it’s reaffirming my decision to join the Honors College - getting to know some of the faculty, staff, and my peers better has been great. I’m working on a publication under the guidance of my favorite professor from last semester; now I’m just waiting for the reviewers to get it back to me so I can make adjustments. Work is going great too. I always have so much fun with my team members and I’m actually in charge of our Facebook page now and on our social media team (never saw that coming myself). Next semester I’ll be taking on a managerial position for work as the “administrative coordinator,” which I’m excited for! This summer I’ll be returning to the same place I interned at last summer, but this time in a managerial position. While I’ll miss being home and seeing everyone, I’m also very excited to be out here over the summer again now that I have the knowledge to make use of all the tools available here. I just need to find somewhere to live! 

Today was a beautiful day - warmth and a blue sky is really all I need after this gray winter. Needless to say I’m excited for the spring to come at last. Let’s call it a Dream of Spring, perhaps? We’re all doing well over here. DJ hasn’t changed a bit and Rachel is still extreme. Let me know how you’re doing, buddy. It’s been to long. That’s my question this week: what have you been up to lately?

Keep it up!

Hail fellow well met! 

It’s the best archaic English greeting I could muster this week. Boy have we been talking a lot this past weekend, it almost feels silly posting. But! there is still much to be said. Time has become something of an oddity for me - can you believe I only have two full weeks of normal school left? Because I simply cannot fathom it. This semester has flown right on by, despite all the things I’ve been doing - maybe that’s why it feels like it’s gone by so quickly. 

Anywho, I hope you had a fun weekend. I listened to Arlie so I bet they were even better in concert! I’m sorry not everything went how you wanted, but I’m proud of you for facing your crippling fear and getting out of your comfort zone. How else are we supposed to grow? As you know, I also had a concert experience this weekend, a classical piano concert experience! As soon as we walked in and noticed that the crowd was 95% retired elders DJ goes “aahhh, our people” so that was entertaining. Not quite as entertaining as the show though. It was a twin sister classical piano duo which reminded me how much I miss playing and gave me a deeper appreciation for classical piano because they are insanely talented. They played selections from “The Nutcracker” in the end and it was just incredible, or as the man in the tweed jacket with a European accent next to me would say, “splendid!” As for whatever I did earlier in the week I hardly know it was such a blur. I had a project due on Friday for CGT and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out, it just took many an hour. The next one is due in just 3 short weeks and I don’t even know what I’m going to model so I’ll try not to let that and the fully functional website I still need to code not stress me out too much! This past Saturday night, Rachel and I went to 5:30pm mass, but little did we know that we were going to Indonesian mass night. That’s right, the mass was in Indonesian. I know I liked their music though. And then today we had a meeting for the regional swing event coming up next weekend which was quite long and exhausting. I’m not even in charge of any huge responsibilities, but just knowing exactly how much goes into big events like this is stressing me out - so I’m more than a little bit excited for it to be over with so I can go home for Thanksgiving! I hope you’re able to keep up with your school work this week; don’t want any more nights with one hour of sleep, good sir. 

This week I would like to talk a bit more about the Spanish volunteer program I’m involved in, seeing as this week will be our last week of visits. I have had an absolute blast in this program, and I’m a bit more confident in my Spanish speaking abilities. Just getting to know some of the Colombian students has been a lot of fun just because they are fun, interesting people, and I’m going to be sad not seeing them anymore. This service learning program is mutually beneficial, because my Spanish has improved, but I’ve also had the chance to help them with their English, as they will be presenting their research in a couple of weeks. It’s been really rewarding to help them out in this way and I’m glad I took advantage of the program. Hopefully I will have time to go and see their research presentations because they are studying some pretty interesting stuff. One of my friends is doing pharmaceutical research in personalized medicine and another in entomophagy, the study of eating bugs, so it’s intriguing stuff! Like I said in the last post, I really want to visit Colombia after learning more about it, so stay tuned to see if that ever happens! 

Answer of the week: I’ve thought about watching Silicon Valley, but I can say for sure that I just do not have the time to do that until I get my projects done this semester! I’ve heard it is quite the comedy, though and I’m sure it would be funny. Also, nice work on watching those From Software playthroughs, now you just need to play the games yourself. Trust me, they’re rewarding. Take it from Professor Souls. Thanks for the DnD item suggestions as well, you did spark some ideas for me, now if only we had time to play! (And for me to plan for that matter) My question this week shall be: what are 23 things that you are most thankful for? In the spirit of the holiday, I would like to force you to really reflect and be grateful this year. You’ll be heading home for break by the end of this week, so there’s one thing to put on your list - only 22 more! And finally, the recommendation: listen to some classical piano. Just put it on, relax, and be transported by the beautiful music! I’m a Chopin guy myself. Power through, Doc! We’re nearly at the finish line!

Or is it more of a water station? That is the real question.

Salutations good sir!

Man this week was a rollercoaster of emotions. Honestly probably one of the hardest weeks I have ever endured. But before that, lemme take a hot sec to answer some of your questions and comment on you. First and foremost, I'm SUPER proud of you and how much of an adult you are becoming! Your life seems, if not more than, as crazy as mine does. It always brings a smile to my face when you tell me how you are breaking out of your shell in more social and professional environments because when it’s us and the gang, you are more than sociable, so I see it as more the world is getting to see the true version of you, a dorky pensive goofball. Even though this wasn't in your post, because we talk outside of said blog, I was really happy that Lyss was able to go see you two and spend some time with ya. I can’t wait to see you all for Thanksgiving, which is just a few short weeks away!! Also, when are you coming home for that? I'm gonna be in Iowa from that Tuesday until maybe Friday morning so I wanna see you when I can before I have to leave again. You might have to share me with Jaynie at that point because I'm not gonna have tons of time to see everyone. Ummmm your question for the week was kinda hard because I would want everything to be magical. Buuuuut, if I had to choose, I would probably go with something inconspicuous like a magic watch that when you open it or interact with it in whichever way the player sees fit, a portal opens from which you can pull/store anything like Hermione's bag. Or it’s imbued with some sort of element and you can get creative with what it can affect, like you click it and you turn into a flame-man or different parts of you take on the characteristics of the different elements a la Ben 10. So yeah, something like that.

Now for my week in retrospect! Let’s see, Halloween here at school is more of a big deal on the weekend (Halloweekend is what they call it) because that is when all the parties are, so I stayed in and studied and did work like a good lil noodle. I did dress up in my Superman onesie while I did work so that was kinda in the Halloween spirit. So lemme just preface what my academic week entailed and then we can get into it. Monday: 3-4 page Spanish paper was due, Tuesday: Orgo lab report due, Wednesday: Test corrections due for my Bioclocks test, Spanish essay test, History of Warfare test where like every subject involved some iteration of Charles, Frederick, Philip, Henry or some Pope, Friday: massive Orgo test, big project due at midnight for my Brain Damage class, and another assignment for said class. And inbetween all of those things, I had to study for all 3 tests, perform a continuous sleep study on myself, help mediate/console 2 friends who are dating/like each other but being stupid so I'm being the good friend who listens and tries to help, AND still dealing with my own emotional shortcomings. Ok got the picture? Simple enough? Good. OH! And I planned out the rest of my classes for the rest of college in order to be prepared and efficient for class registration, which is tomorrow for me.

So I did what I had to do and I buckled down, studying and working on everything while trying to be a good friend for these two love birds. Now I think the earliest I ever got to sleep this past week was 3 in the morning, and I woke up at 8 every day, so my body was really pushing its limits. I didn't really feel stressed out in the beginning of the week, which is normal for me. You know me better than anyone, so you know that I'm pretty calm under pressure and don't panic, which I just consciously realized is all God. I always knew that everything I did wasn't by my own strength and that I am extremely blessed and favored, but it never really registered in me that the reason for my stress-free life is because I have faith in God that he will take care of me and everything will work out in accordance with his plan and if God provides for the birds, why would he not provide for his own beloved children. So that was pretty cool to actively know that. Now back from my sermon of the week to our previously scheduled programming. Totally ok during the week, and then Thursday hit. I was feeling like crap, like actual crap, no figure of speech there or excuse to include some profanity, I was really not feeling well. But I had already asked Nidhi if she wanted to go get breakfast that day at 9 because I haven't had a real breakfast in forever. I ate like 3 bites before I started to feel worse. So we do breakfast and then move to go do work. Standard stuff, studying, tried to eat a lil something for lunch, couldn't. So I went back to the house and kept studying until I finished the notes and felt like I had an ok grasp on the material. Later that day, my friend Jordan came over and we were studying together and she would ask me a question about something, but I just had no idea how to answer, so we moved on to the practice test which we both usually do pretty well on. But we couldn't even make it past the first question without having to look everything up and I was getting really frustrated at that point because I had been studying for over a week. Now at this same point in time, in addition to the friends in love problem thing, I was getting frustrated with myself over this whole Jaynie situation because I'm me and I haven't told her how I feel and it has been eating at me for a bit and she has been busy so we hadn't been talking a lot and you know how I get attached to the people around me, so not talking to one of my favorite people was pretty frustrating. And we were talking at the time of my failure to even attempt the practice test and I was telling her that I was getting frustrated amongst other things. She asked me what was wrong and if I wanted to talk about it, and I said yes and no because it’s complicated and I wanted to tell her everything but it’s hard to tell her some of the reason for my anxiety was because of her and my feelings for her so that worsened things on my end because she could tell I was losing it, so she used my own advice I gave to her earlier that week against me that I needed to talk to someone and not internalize my feelings. So at that point I kinda just lost it and left the house to go on a walk. I was gonna call you because I tell you everything, but it was like 1 in the morning at that point and you were asleep, and I was gonna call my dad because he and my brother have a close relationship and I know that he will always be up and willing to listen and give me some advice, but I didn't do any of that. Instead I called Jaynie. I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew that I had to hear her voice. Luckily she answered, and I was initially just gonna call and say thanks for helping me through it and that I was gonna call my dad afterwards, but I never did and we ended up talking for a little bit and it felt really good. She knew that the best way to calm me down was to ask me about other stuff like the crappy dodgeball game and some other stuff to get my mind off things and it was really just what I needed. We didn't really address anything else major, even though I really wanted to bring us up, but I didn't and after we were done on the phone she sent me nice text telling me that I always had someone to call and that I don't always have to be perfect. So outta my ashes of a first mental breakdown came some solace and some good in that one call. But yeah, that was my week.

As for this upcoming week, I'm pleased to announce that Jaynie will be coming back for the weekend because I invited her! Nidhi is dancing in the Diwali showcase on Saturaday, which is an Indian festival thing and she is super excited to do it, so I figured it would be a nice surprise if her best friend came into town to see her dance. But we are ALSO going to another concert after Nidhi’s dance and that is gonna be fun because we know the band personally. More on them later in the recommendations. And so we had this all set up to surprise Nidhi, but things kinda got twisted around logistically, so we had to tell Nidhi about it since Jaynie is gonna be staying the weekend with her and she didn't wanna just blindside her like that, so I told Nidhi what was going on and she was so happy, so I'm pretty excited for this weekend for 2 reasons, which are pretty obvious and need no further words ;). The only thing I have to get done this week is to write a research paper for Friday, but I think that’ll be ok. Life is on the upswing right now.

Ok recommendation: this band we are seeing is called Arlie, and the guitarist was the RA of the floor my friends and I hung out on all the time last year in Memorial and we are good friends with him. But they just signed a record deal, and they have their single out on Spotify right now and it is actually decently popular with like over a million listens already, so check out Arlie and their single because I think you would enjoy it. Question of the week: have you ever thought about watching Silicon Valley on HBO? I have seen the first episode and am wondering if you would like to watch with me? Oh, I also have watched all of the Bloodborne and Dark Souls 3 play throughs on IGN, so praise the sun for that!! Now that I have once again plot dumped on you, I bid thee farewell.

With all my love,

the doc

Hey bud!

How exciting to be writing back to you on All Hallow’s Eve Eve, because of course I’m not just going to call it Halloween. Goodness, has October, 2017 been a month for the books. Life sure is something, isn’t it? I’ve had no lack of things to do this long while, and it sounds like you’ve had plenty to do as well. Despite all of your worries and turmoil you conveyed in that last post, I couldn’t help but smile and laugh at how you tell your stories - it’s like you’re sitting across from me telling it for real - so thanks for the laughs! Let’s get on with it now.     

First of all, if this girl really is cooler than me, you had better go and catch her, and let her know how you feel, and also how cool she is. Apparently, it’s very. I can tell just from your writing that you are hopelessly into this girl, and you can bet your bottom dollar I would’ve kicked your butt into gear if I was with ya - but there’s no use worrying about things undone and unsaid! So, if you are still regretting that, forget about it. Here’s my advice: don’t just tell her how you feel or hold her hand or something to get the message across. That stuff - it’s too orthodox for you. Do you know who you are? Have you forgotten your roots? You, sir, are a weirdo. And Jaynie, I don’t know her, but she sounds like a weirdo too. It’s not just anyone who would draw you a super-manatee, wear your dry shoe, eat mac and cheese for breakfast, give you candy recommendations at two in the morning, and investigate the linguistics of Star Wars - and this is just what I know from a few paragraphs. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems that she meets your criteria for an ideal girlfriend. When it comes to strong emotions like this, you can’t just sit around and wait. My roundabout way of getting to the point being - you’re not normal, so why are you worrying that you didn’t do any of the “normal” things to signal how you feel? I think this is better. Now you have the opportunity to do something that’s more you. You could make her a heart shaped pancake and mail it to her, or compose America’s next top love ballad on the recorder, or send her a carrier pigeon with cheesy love poetry. All I’m saying is that now you have a golden opportunity to show her how you feel in a way all your own - none of that normal, boring stuff the rest of us do. No no. You’re much more creative than that. So let her know, as soon as you can, because she won’t wait around forever ya know. 

Now that we’ve at least addressed that, it sounds like you’ve been doing tons of fun stuff! I would love to go camping like you and your friends did. I do miss the great outdoors. And it’s starting to feel a bit unfair how many great musicians you’ve gotten to see these past two months! I’m glad your classes are going well, and I’m pleased to say the same, assuming this Managerial Accounting exam doesn’t spook me into failure tomorrow night. It seems that in my last post I didn’t really fill you on anything I’m doing this semester with more than one sentence per item, so I’ll try and fill you in more. Oh, and that’s sort of where this week’s title is coming from - I pretty much operate outside of my comfort zone on a daily basis. I’ve been doing lots of new things, kind of all over the place. Just trying to decide where to begin is getting overwhelming. (Quick side-note about being overwhelmed: earlier I was sitting in bed, as I am still, thinking about the fact that I am reclining over 30 ft above ground with thousands of pounds of the 4th floor above me, which is kind of crazy. Whose idea was it to start building vertically?) 

I think I’ll discuss only honors related things for now so this post doesn’t get out of hand. Being an Honors Ambassador has been tons of fun so far! Everything really kicked off after my first tour, which I gave on my own without ever giving a tour or even attending an event as an ambassador, so I just told myself “If they get a bad tour then they will have had a sub-par tour of an academic institution, so really it could be worse,” and then I really wasn’t too worried. They even told me I did great when I asked how it was! Since then I’ve worked information sessions for two fall preview days where I talk about the Honors community in front of a group and then lead a smaller group on a tour. After the first group tour I was talking with this lovely prospective student, and I made some comment on how I could tell she was pretty interested in the HC, even though she seemed pretty introverted because I knew what it was like as a fellow introvert, to which she replied that I was doing a great job at hiding it. So that was funny, albeit perhaps a bit unprofessional, but I’m beginning to find more value in simple laughter and making human connections than I used to. I must say I have become quite the extrovert when I’m all dressed up for tours. I was joking with a professor I had last semester for my heroism seminar - ya know, securing my free spot on the trip to Transylvania she’s leading for Maymester, and telling her how ready I was to inspire the youth of America. Exactly a year ago from now I think I would have run away and had a breakdown in the corner at the thought of any of that ^. I told Rachel that I think being in a position that forces me to be energetic and positive is good for my health, because I’ve just felt happier after those events. Other honors related thing: my honors class on quality of life! This class has been quite interesting and different from others I’ve taken. Firstly, I really like the professor and that makes a big difference when I compare it to some of my other classes. I usually have lunch with him and other honors faculty and students during our weekly Tuesday HC lunch. Again, a year ago, I never would have done something like this, which I’m just now realizing how crazy it is how much my mentality has changed in just one year. Anyways, the course! We are working with community partners in urban poor communities in an attempt to talk with residents and identify what factors influence their well-being. I am in the group working with the Hub, a neighborhood center that primarily serves kids, because when asked, they adults said they wanted a safe place for the kids to play, because these kids are wild. So we tried to come up with some programming to get the parents more involved and just to come at all, hoping that we could talk to them. So last Friday we had a pumpkin carving event and it was a hit! The pastors that manage the Hub said it was the most parental involvement they’ve ever seen in the year they’ve been here. This goes along with the discomfort thing. I’ve never really worked with poor communities before. I suppose there are a lot of things we don’t realize from our comfortable socioeconomic viewpoint. Last Wednesday I went door to door through the neighborhood to invite people to Friday’s event, which was an experience I would certainly define as uncomfortable. And at the event itself there were over ten kids whose parents weren’t there so I was helping out the kids with their pumpkins which was actually pretty fun, even if I can be sort of awkward around kids at times. This is already getting long enough, so I’ll tell you more about...everything next time we see each other. 

Readers’ Digest on the rest: Working with Colombian students, I’ve made a friend and want to visit Colombia the more I learn about it. Work is still great, it is weird being an instructor though. I also recorded a Photoshop tutorial video for work, which could probably be better, but was still an interesting and new experience. Seeing John and Hank Green live was awesome! I also saw Alton Brown’s show with DJ, which was a super entertaining food science comedy show. I carved the most amazing pumpkin I’ve ever carved, we got our oven fixed, and I registered for the spring semester last week - and am hoping to renew my housing contract to stay in my apartment this week! 

Apparently I had a lot to say. Sorry for all the reading. My ideal Halloween costume: a student excited to be taking an accounting exam. That would be ideal. Just kidding. Honestly, since I didn’t do anything costume related this year, I haven’t put much thought into it. I know I mentioned dressing as Petyr Baelish would be fun, but I think anything with a cloak or some old timey robes would be enjoyable for me. Maybe if I try hard enough, I could dress up as just a cloak, instead of a guy wearing a cloak. Also, I love Too Many Zooz, thanks for the recommendation! My recommendation for you: get out of your comfort zone! Love is an uncomfortable emotion sometimes, so just embrace it and put yourself out there! Good luck with everything buddy! Let me know what you’re dressing up as for Halloween, because I’m sure you’re doing something! Oh and I almost forgot the question I wanted to ask you: can you think of a cool Dungeons and Dragons magic item? It can be anything - anything at all. Or multiple anythings. Now I’m done!

Your loquacious friend,

Salutations mi amigo!

Sorry it’s been like a month since we have done this. I miss this and I feel like every time I wanna tell you something I just say, “wait until the post“, but then I feel like I forget stuff that I wanted to tell you. So here is me just trying to say that I am trying to work on being a better pen pal and recommitting to weekly posts. SO there is definitely some stuff that I have to get into. Let’s catch up!

Since I last posted, I think I was going through a big week of midterms of something, and I just wanted to update you on how I'm doing as a student. Classes are fun, still enjoying what I chose to do. My last organic chemistry test was pretty rough for the class as a whole. The average was a 64%. But I did pulled a 76% and I'm super proud of that because although she doesn't curve tests, here actual class is curved, so add 10-15% to you tests and that is your score, which brings be to a B - A- grade! I know it seems pretty silly to be proud of getting a C on an exam, but I see myself improving and competing with my friends who are doing very well and that is what matters to me. History is a breeze, probably because I enjoy it so much. Just took a rough first test of the semester in my Biological Clocks class and the entire class was lost on what was going on so hopefully we didn't all fail. Otherwise yeah, its going great!

Nothing else has really been going on any differently since we last posted, at least outside of my relationships. For my birthday, as you know, a couple friends and I went real camping in the Black Mountains of North Carolina. We stayed for a couple days and one day we hiked Mount Mitchell, which is the tallest peak east of the Mississippi River. It was a brutal vertical hike that took like 4 hours up and maybe 3 hours down, bu the view was gorgeous and well worth the pain. It was kinda fun towards the end because we had to hike in the dark, and I mean DARK, with nothing but a flashlight for each of us to shine about a foot in front of us so we didn't trip and fall down the mountain. So I really enjoyed that time camping out under the stars and I really wanna do something like that with you and the gang just to have a group experience like that. Other than that, I helped out with MUN last weekend and it was my first time ever in that type of setting, but I really enjoyed helping these high schoolers get what they wanted accomplished. But other than those two things, nothing to note. To the juicy parts now?

Love, love, what is love? So I left you off with a bunch of mixed emotions and no idea where to go with them, helplessly drowning in an ocean of my unresolved romantic angst and turmoil. But I think I have navigated my way to some resemblance of an answer...kinda. As you know, I was caught between 3 “options”. 1) the girl I had a crush on since meeting her last year 2) the girl who I consider one of my closest friends here at school and 3) her best friend who also happens to be an exact copy of me in almost every facet of life but goes to another school. I thought I would have to start choosing and eliminating to find what I wanted, but life, and ultimately God, saw to it that my options just kinda presented themselves to me. So girl 1 just kinda fell away because in all reality, I never see her and don't have any interaction with, so it’s kinda hard to cultivate a relationship with someone you never even see or talk to. From girl 2, although she has never said anything to me and nothing has changed in our relationship, I just don't have THAT feeling with her. She makes me happy and laugh and smile, and I want to do the same for her, but it’s almost how it is with our shared sister Alyssa, we both love her to death and want to make her happy, but we don't do it out of romance. Now this is not to say that I wont ever see girl 2 in this way, but as of right now, I'm a little preoccupied with THE girl. Uuummm....girl 3, her name is Jaynie, is really all that I think about on a daily basis. I don't remember what the state of our relationship was at the time of my last post, but I can definitely tell you it is not the same anymore. I think I talk to her the most out of anyone. She talks to me and tells me more things than she does even for her best friend, who is girl 2, and it’s now a running joke that if anyone wants to know something about her, they ask me instead of Nidhi, even Nidhi does this! I honestly think that Jaynie is the coolest person I have ever met, and I'm best friends with you! A couple weeks back, she may have said the coolest sentence I have ever heard. She told me that she was looking through all of the Star Wars movies to find this one sentence that she thought was Thai, because she is learning Thai at school. I mean common?! Huge Star Wars nerd who is learning an awesome language!! And so we Snapchat all the time and text and I will call her sometimes to get her opinion on what kind of candy I want to eat at that moment (no joke I called her in the middle of the night to ask her what candy I wanted). She even wants to meet my parents!! Like her own words were, “I cant wait to meet your mom”. So I was really super excited to see her over fall break for my birthday because we were all going camping and it was gonna be awesome, but she couldn't come because she decided to dedicate her break to going down to Houston with CRU (a Christian organization that we have here at school too) to go do volunteering. And while I was bummed, I couldn't have been any more awed and proud to know someone who would do that. And that brings us to this weekend. As you know, Friday we went to go see Moon Taxi (which I will tell you about a little bit later on in this romance novel I am writing). Now Moon Taxi is Nidhi and Jaynie’s favorite band and Nidhi got her a ticket to sit with us at the concert for her birthday, so I was sooooo excited for this weekend to come. Now sad part first, she got in at like 6:30 on Friday night, but she had to leave this morning (Saturday) at like 11am because her grandparents were back at home and she wanted to go see them. So we only got like a couple hours together. But they were an awesome couple hours. We kept counting down the days til we got to see each other to keep motivated during the week, and when we finally got to see each other, we were so happy. It had been raining and her one foot just got soaked, so I let her wear my shoe to keep her warm, as any gentleman should, and she actually wore it! Like what girl wears a boy’s shoe when he offers it? This girl does!!! I know what you are thinking, Aaron this is so stupid, and both of you are weird, which is EXACTLY my point!! So when Moon Taxi came out on stage, it was my friends, me, Jaynie, and NIdhi sitting in a row. But Nidhi’s view was obstructed by a pole and a person. So I shifted down to the end to let her have a better view to see her favorite band. But when I moved, I wasn't sitting next to Jaynie anymore, just Nidhi, which kinda bummed me out but I accepted because I wanted her to have a good time. But to my surprise, and happiness, Jaynie leaned over to Nidhi and asked her to switch spots with her so she could be by me! Like you have no idea how high my heart jumped. We just spent the night singing along to all the songs and freaking out and being weirdos with each other and I would just look over at her and smile while she enjoyed herself. But you are gonna kill because I never made a move and I never went to hold her hand or anything and I really regret it but you know that I have troubles telling my feelings to someone for fear of getting rejected. So the night ended and we were good but that was that. Until the morning. I made sure to be awake before she left so I could say good bye, and I also promised her a few weeks ago that I would make her some mac and cheese for breakfast. So I did that and us two and the Nidster were hanging out for a bit before she had to leave and I just couldn't help but feel like she had the same feelings I was having. We were being all tickle-y and she let me rest my hand on her knee and it wasn't weird or uncomfortable. Even Nidhi was looking at the two of us smiling and when I gave her that “What?!“ look, she just smiled and said “nothing“. When she left it sucked to see her go and I ALMOST told her how I feel before she left but I couldn't bring myself to do it because I was so scared!! I can’t help but feel like the look she gave me when I stopped her to say goodbye one last time was looking for me to make a move or say SOMETHING, but I'm a weenie and I couldn't do it. But it’s pretty obvious that I'm head over heels for this girl and some of my friends can see it and were watching the two of us interact over the time she was here. I mean what do I do man? I wanna cry for how stupid I'm being, but I'm just afraid to put it out there and lose it. But I know that is what it has to come to. There is other love drama going on in our group too, but I can save that for another post, I have beat this dead horse for too long.

To wrap up, in our normal tradition, my recommendation is to listen to the opening band for Moon Taxi. They are called Too Many Zooz and they are FUNKALICIOUS!! I recommend watching them on YouTube as well just to see to see how cool they are. Moon Taxi was awesome, by the way! Last Jaynie mention for the post, she made me this awesome drawing for my fridge in my room, so when you wake up, there will be a picture on your phone from me of the drawing and this is why its there. Question: What is your ideal Halloween costume? And be creative! I know you have something deep in your mind you can come up with. Alright, sorry for the epic I just told you, but I had to get it off my chest and I tell you everything so there ya go. Big ol pile of plot dump on ya in one sitting. Love you bud and can’t wait to hear back from you.

Your best bud,