aliens want me NASA fears me

Fuck all this *dematerializes*

Haha

getting a surgery to remove my shame and embarrassment glands. gonna be GREAT for me, awful for everyone else.

*kicking rocks* "can't believe mom won't let me destroy America she never lets me do anything fun"

my birth certificate but it has an ifunny watermark

so what my dick is huge am i bothering anyone

‪At this point, I honestly admire people who continue to use “XD.” Keep on doing you, brave soldier.‬

xD until the day I die

"Are you sad, Mama?"

I feel old sometimes..... when I try to fit into the top cupboard but I'm too big now.

I feel old when I walk into the kitchen and see Theo trying to fit into the cupboard

Oh yeah? Well I feel old when I see you listening to the same Evanescence song since I could walk

Yeah ?? Well I feel old when you listen to marina and the diamonds primadonna girl on LOOP for 6 DAYS. USING MY I POD