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Letās be honest...
I have a feeling there are millions of male crossdressers out there.Ā
Guys who are fed up with menās clothing; guys who are fed up with toxic masculinity and the feminist agenda.
Guys who have tried wearing items of clothing targeted at women and found them comfortable, easy to wear and relaxing.Ā
These guys, and Iām one, have the prospect of massive backlash from their wives, girlfriends or family, so they dress in secret, or, judging by the immense number of photos taken there; in hotel rooms.
Guys who love their hobby but are scared of community backlash, of rejection my family or employers.
Irrespective of whether you want to pass, not to pass, or to transgender; whether youāre straight, bi or gay, I donāt care, and neither should anybody else.
Just as women have won the right to wear what they like, right down to micro bikinis, we have the right to dress as we choose.
A woman in pants is no more a thread to society or children than a man in a skirt or dress. yes, there will always be predators buy they are a really small minority.
While dressing is still quite new to me, while I havenāt got my wife to accept me in a dress, heels or make up, it will happen.Ā
I am happy to say I wear skirts everywhere; to see clients, going to events, shopping; itās just second nature to me now.
I implore all of you, yes, all of you; to make a statement in April to sayĀ āenough is enoughā and tell those around you of your hobby, of how you are the same person irrespective of what you wear. Safety and modesty aside, you sa just s capable of doing your job, r being a partner, a parent, a child or grandchild irrespective of what you wear.
Love yourself enough to step out, no matter if you pass or not, and show the world youāre q decent human being exercising your right to be different, to be and do whatās right for you.
Letās make April 2021 the time for us to step up, step out and to be counted.
Please comment is you agree and share to your lists.
Love, Cathy.
This is so true. No one makes a comment if a woman wears pants. But when a man wears a dress he is condemned. There is no correlation between crossdressing and harming anyone. The shame and guilt we feel harms us more then we harm anyone. We should be allowed to do want we want without repercussions, as long as it is legal.
So to all my crossdressing sisters and Trans sisters, lets move forward, not backwards, lets step into the light and not into the closet, let people know this is not a phase it is who we are. Lets demand the equality we deserve!
Paul has come such a long way
ohh makes my caged clit tingle a bit š¤

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Pinned Post: Chastity Cheat Sheet!
I am aware that there is a lot of information on this blog - plenty of detail and explanation into the mindset and procedure of Male Chastity play. Perhaps too much detail!?
I get a large amount of emails and messages asking for a simple place to start, and while I usually point them to the very first post in this blog, I think the time has come to provide a quick 'Cheat Sheet' for those of you who need to recap or want to get started quickly and dig into the details later. As a starting point, here are some hotlinks to the main sections of the blog:
Introducing Male Chastity Play
The Science of Male Chastity
When to allow Release
How to allow Release
Teasing in T&D / Chastity Play
In addition to these articles, I will also provide a quick 'Cheat Sheet' based on a summary of the information above, blending in my 10+ years of experience as well as hints and tips I've picked up along the way. Here we go!
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
WHY MALE CHASTITY?
Chastity play is the best example of 'power exchange play' where the (usually) female keyholder takes control of the couple's sexual dynamic.
Handing over control of their sexual release is a highly arousing experience for males. The tease and denial that comes with it heightens sexual excitement, increases the male's energy levels and (most importantly) makes YOU the focus of the sexual experience.
Male chastity play is not about having less sex - in fact, most couples in chastity play have a significantly more active sexual dynamic than the 'vanilla sex twice a month' crowd.
WHAT DO KEYHOLDERS DO?
Hold the keys and control when and how release takes place (see links) .
Set, communicate and enforce the keyholding rules at the start of the lockup.Ā Ā Ā
Tease - to keep arousal in peak state throughout lockup.
Make the most of (literally!) holding him by the balls ;).
BASIC KEYHOLDER RULES:
The wife can choose the chastity device. If you donāt feel like buying them then he should present you with a few options, colors and sizes.
It is no longer his penis - it is your 'nub'. Take ownership.
Hold the keys, keep them safe, do not let him access them - take it seriously.
The wife decides when the male will be unlocked, allowed an erection, or allowed release. SEPARATE the concept of 'unlock= orgasm'. In most cases itās unlocked purely for teasing or training, for example.
TEASE AND DENIAL
The way to maximize benefits and (again, counterintuitively) maximize his chastity experience is teasing / arousal. This does not have to take a lot of time or effort. My ideal teasing effort is 2-5 minutes a day, or every second day⦠mix it up.
Is teasing cruel for the locked male? Absolutely not. Denial after 2-3 weeks of lockup is often described by locked males as "feeling like being half way to orgasm 100% of time". Quite heady stuff.
Some basic ideas:
Talk about his predicament: Tell him you like how it looks, how tight it must be, how full his balls look⦠Ask him to show it to you as a 'cage checkā at random times.
Make fun of it! āAh sweet such a cute little nub.ā A little-known side-effect: locked boys leak precum like crazy. Tease him about his constant ādribblingā or āwet spotā - you are sure to fire up even more production š.
Tell him to sleep naked now and again. Join him in the shower. When at home, make him wear tight clothing where the cage is clearly visible.
Play with his balls. With the nub locked, his exposed balls are infinitely more sensitive. Tickling / stroking will be irritating - what he will need is squeezing, slapping, hitting. Start slowly and build up intensity - he will tell you when to stop. Women are way too gentle with balls in general - most makes prefer far more rough play than they let on. Let him guide you if you are unsure.
Play with the cage - stroke any exposed bits, blow on it, whatever!
Kiss - the fastest way to turn him on, and it will make him strain in his cage. For added heat, hold his cage / balls while kissing.
Make him worship your body: make him go down on you, massage you, stroke you... use your imagination! Denying him an orgasm DEFINITELY does not mean reducing your orgasm count.
Nipple Play: With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity dramatically. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!
Edging: Stimulate your male until he reaches the edge of orgasm ā then Ā pause or dramatically slow down your play to prevent him from climaxing. Ā You can do this many times in a row. This is extremely pleasurable for him, because it prolongs his pleasure and ultimately gives him a much stronger orgasm when compared to regular sex when you finally decide to Ā let him pop ā although, of course, you can always change your mind and lock him back up before that happens.
HOW OFTEN SHOULD HE BE ALLOWED RELEASE?
This is up to you! If you are new to chastity play, I recommend a minimum 3 week initial lock up - no unlocking, no release whatsoever. 3 weeks is a full week beyond the typical 14 day prolactin/oxytocin cycle that follows a full orgasm in males. We want to maximize oxytocin (caring, devotion, sexual energy) buildup (14+ days) and minimize prolactin (grumpy, tired, loss of libido), which usually starts to stabilise at the 14 day mark.
Beyond that?
Feel Ā free to go with a fixed schedule, such as one ejaculation allowed per 3 weeks, if that makes things easier for you ā but donāt make it too Ā predictable, so also consider delaying or skipping a release date.
For more experienced lovers, it is almost universally held by women who seriously practice chastity for their male that initial enforcement of chastity should be at least Ā three months of continuous wear without relief after you go through the Ā break in period of getting a device that fits.
HOW SHOULD HE BE ALLOWED RELEASE?
So many options!
Penis-in-vagina (PIV) orgasm: I discourage this one because I feel that sex and ejaculation need to be separated Ā to avoid accidents. We have sex several times per week and ejaculation Ā is never expected and rarely a topic of conversation. But if you do Ā enjoy the feeling of him ejaculating inside you, then you can of course Ā go ahead and allow him. Sex with a dildo or with him wearing a cock sheath means you get all the benefits of hot PIV sex without him having to orgasm.
Handjobs: The easiest and quickest for you! To spice it up, use a Timer - for example, if Ā his last ejaculation was two weeks ago, you could give him two minutes Ā to cum. If he doesnāt make it in time, he will be re-locked. If you don't feel like unlocking him, simply use a vibrator / electric massager on his cage - the vibrations will eventually lead to a strange, unsatisfying orgasm (perfect!).
Masturbation: Tell him to masturbate in front of you. Again, use a timer here to increase the pressure!
Prostate stimulation: If you are into this sort of thing, did you know you can actually 'milk' a male. It's true. Stimulating the prostate in the right way will lead to semen release without any orgasm and without even the need to unlock the nub.
Finally, and my favorite: The 'Touchless (aka Ruined) Orgasm': stimulate him until just before the āpoint of no Ā returnā and then remove your hand and stop all stimulation. If you time Ā it right, instead of ejaculating in āburstsā, the semen flows Ā effortlessly down the penis ā hence they are also misleadingly called Ā āruinedā orgasms. If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards Ā and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more. Perfect!
THAT'S IT!
Above all, enjoy it! I guarantee you, it will be a different, fun, unique and highly arousing experience.
Yeahā¦Iām in the ā other guys ā category! š„°
Hehe - me too! Always feel better being the real me....
Sissy Nigel is starting his new job role ad his auntie's secretary. She had chosen some very interesting outfits for him to wear.

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Are You Gay?
This is an interesting question that is hard for sissies to answer for two reasons: 1. Sissies are biological males, but we are not men. 2. Sissies generally donāt fall in love with men, but with cocks and the idea of being effeminate submissive. We generally donāt want to talk and get to know men; we just want to be fucked and degraded.
The thing about being called gay is that sissies need an element of humiliation, but being gay is so widely accepted (rightfully so) in the popular western culture these days that itās almost cool in some social circles. Many sissies, however, will at least feel a mild excitement from being called out as a gay person. One, they might be embarrassed for whatever reason, and two, if someone says it in an insulting or demeaning tone⦠well it doesnāt matter what they say if the tone is just right.
But what many sissies will have learned over the years is that the brain is more malleable than people originally thought. If a man fucks a sissy just right, over and over, the sissy may actually develop real feelings for him. At this point, the man has claimed the ownership of the sissyās body and soul with his superior cock. But is this really a gay relationship? Biologically yes, but mentally no, because the sissy at this point is no longer a man but a little girl.
So I personally donāt identify as a gay person, although I might just say that I am out of convenience, or I might enjoy being called as one from time to time by a woman. Yeah, we sissies donāt even know who we are, but thatās okay. How the world categorizes us isnāt that important. What is important is knowing what we want and admitting it, which is wearing pretties bras and skirts, putting on make up, and acting feminine. I want to be called a sissy faggot, and have men penetrate me in a domineering fashion. There is no question when it comes to what I want. I like what I like, whether I like it or not - as in, I can hate the fact that Iām a cocksucker but I still love sucking cock. The world may not understand, but I donāt care.
Do you like wearing panties while salivating over big black cock? Well of course you do. Why else would you be reading this? Own up to it you gay little faggot. Admit it. Live it. And stop hating yourself. Youāll experience liberation beyond no other.
So true! The first time I had sex with an Alpha while dressed he made me do this. I remember cumming so hard my legs buckled...and he propped me back up almost instantly and just kept pounding me as I stared at myself in the wall mirror slowly bending over further and further begging for it harder & deeper. As the joy of cumming flowed out of my body, I looked at my face and into my eyes in the mirror seeing the tears start to well up, realizing my guilt & shame. But I further realized there was no going back. I had finally done it, I had become a true sissy faggot as this was my true purpose and slowly a smile came back to my face.
Omg want
TYPES OF FEMALE DOMINATES
Female Dominate
Female dominance (femdom) refers to a BDSM scene or relationship in which a female is a dominant partner or top partner. A dominant female may have a number of different names, including a Dominatrix, Mistress or Madame. Female dominants often engage in BDSM activities such as bondage, ball busting, humiliation, face sitting, forced feminization, forced chastity, forced orgasm, and pegging. While femdom is specific to BDSM, any woman can give her partner a thrill by donning a corset and some stilettos and throwing a little female domination into the mix. Before engaging in any BDSM play, however, make sure that all players consent to the activities and follow all safety guidelines, particularly the use of a safe word.
Domme
One who asserts control or authority over another; the person in charge of a scene or play. A title for a Top, declaring a role one takes or wishes to take in a BDSM scene or sexual act. A female Dominant, it is mostly used as the title of a person engaging in or wishing to engage in an act where she takes on the role of the Dominant.Ā (The difference between Dommeās and game players: A Domme creates the hunger, the need and the want in the one they want to dominate. A game player just looks for anyone that is hungry for them to dominate.)
Femdom MistressĀ
Is where a woman fills a very strong and demanding role and exhibits strong gender role reversals. Males are usually large and more dominant in the natural world. Femdom is a demonstration of the strength of the woman and usually one of the more abusive dominants. Femdom is not only directed to men, but many times can include women in the submissive role, but almost always the Mistress assumes the male role even to sexual acts.
Mistress
A title/term for those that āliveā as a Domme. A woman who rules others or has control over something. ( May also like to bark orders and watch you jump. ) In a BDSM scene, a mistress is a female dominant, or dominatrix, in a top/bottom relationship. The term is the female version of the term āmaster,ā which refers to a male dominant. Consenting male and female submissives may be under the control of a mistress, who will often require that they perform any tasks she requests, including sexual activities. If a submissive is disobedient or does not please a mistress, the submissive may be punished. In BDSM literature, dominant terms, including āmistressā and āmaster,ā are capitalized when written, while submissive terms, like āslave,ā are not. The same is true when writing a dominant or submissiveās given name. This is done out of respect and honour for the dominant.
Poly Domme
This Domme can literally love more than one submissive at a time and always has the best interests of all of her submissives at heart. She may be a combination of all of the other Dommes listed here and her subs will reflect that. (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH A COLLECTOR)
Ritual and Protocol Dominant
A Domme whoās very pragmatic and likes concrete, tangible outcomes may favour rituals and protocols. Theyāre the kind of Dominant who might be able to step into the role of Empressā¦expecting you to simply hang around and be available for use. They are aware of subtle details in your appearance, attire, and demeanour and are likely to be very aware of body language during a scene.
S.A.D. - Smart Ass Domme
Also known as a Brat Domme. They like to poke, joke, and generally playful. They are known to do/say things such as The submissive begs to cum, the Domme looks perplexed and says āsilly, you are already here.ā ālike seriously, if I wasnāt tied downā¦.ā This is some of the most fun Dommes to be around if you like to joke and are playful.
Sadistic Domme
The Sadistic Domme gets off on inflicting pain on you. MUCH pain. typically into some pretty heavy BDSM stuff, they are not for the weak of heart. During a scene, they will use and abuse you CONSENSUALLY and then afterwards if you find a good Domme, will do amazing aftercare and let you know how wonderful you are. There are four main types of Sadists. Emotional, Mental, Physical, and Sensual. A Domme may be any combination of these. From only one type to all four.
Strict Domme
They have standards they live by and will impose them on you. They like things done their way, no other way will be accepted. They manage their own lives smoothly, with to do lists which they often place before anything else. They have a solid sense of order and routine
Sexual Domme
Everything with them is sexual. Going out in public? put in an anal plug. Have to go to work today? donāt wear any underwear. I am coming over later? You better be naked on the floor and horny when I arrive. Everything is about sex.
The Submissive Collector
Tend to be ones who collect slaves, house and treat them like animals. They also have large groups but typically not treated as a family but rather a herd. They enjoy animal play and dehumanization to the fullest extent. (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH A POLY DOMME)
True/Real Domme/Mistress/Top
It has nothing to do with quality and technical knowledge doesnāt make for experienced. To call oneself true/real implies that any other form of dominance is less or false. There is no right or wrong way to be a Domme/Top/Master/Mistress, it depends on the desires of those involved.
Mommy Dommes
Are usually mature individuals who like to have young people assume the role of daughter or son. This is a relationship found on the extension and evolution of a āpositive" incestuous relationship. Many times light discipline (spanking) and other forms of home āplayā is included. but donāt let the title caregiver, mommy, or daddy fool you when you find a proper caregiver Dom they will show you whoās boss. They often engage in plays such as cg/l (caregiver//little) where you will mostly see ddlg (daddy dom/little girl) but there are also mdlg (momma dom/little girl), ddlb (daddy dom/little boy), mdlb (mommy dom/little boy), cglb (caregiver/little boy), cglg (caregiver/little girl) and any combination of these. They enjoy taking care of their submissive and disciplining them when they break a rule. In the world of BDSM role-play, a mommy is a dominant female figure who acts as another partnerās mother. More specifically, it is a type of age play in which a woman pretends to be an older woman taking care of her much younger child. The submissive partners in these relationships are often referred to as ālittles.ā During play, mommies may punish their littles in various ways, such as by spanking, or nurture them, such as by cuddling with them.
Age play and role-playing as a mommy is not related to paedophilia in any way, contrary to what some may believe. Individuals who have mommies or act as mommies are also typically not interested in incest either. This relationship is more about dominance and submission, as well as recreating the emotions and experiences of childhood.
Caring Dommes
They care about you, genuinely. Everything they do, They have Their subās best interest at heart. They try their best to be sweet AFTER a scene but do not piss a caring Domme off. that is a huge mistake. They can usually snap within an instant. Not necessarily into any kinks or anything else, They just want to see Their sub succeed and will do everything they can to see it happen.
Dominatrix/Pro-Domme
Usually, a professional that charges for their service. Does not include sex. A ProDomme is a woman who can be hired to perform BDSM services. āDommeā is feminized version of the word āDomā which is used to refer to the dominant partner in a dominant/submissive BDSM pairing. ProDommes frequently get categorized alongside prostitutes when, in actuality, they typically focus exclusively on BDSM practices and do not engage in sex acts with clients.
A ProDomme typically conducts sessions consisting of BDSM āscenesā or roleplays in a dungeon or other such space that is dedicated for such a use. Depending on the nature of a scene, it may be possible to conduct it remotely via email, phone, or web cam. It is not uncommon for a ProDomme to develop a long-term relationship with a client. In this relationship, she may develop an understanding of their clientās fetishes and even their psychological needs.Ā
Financial Domination (FinDom)
Financial domination (FinDom) refers to being a financial slave. It is most commonly seen between a willing male submissive and a female dominatrix. It is a fetish that involves being humiliated or demeaned by a financial dominatrix (also referred to as fin-dom), in exchange for money or gifts. It does not necessarily involve sex. It is said to have stemmed from the observations and eventual practice of Miss Marx, a professional dominatrix, who saw how some men get an instant hard-on when handing woman money. She exploited this reaction and eventually began a cult fetish.
The subject of financial domination is often referred to as a money pig. The act of extorting money or gifts from people is referred to as money slavery or wallet rape. Extortion happens through verbal abuse and sometimes consensual blackmail. A man who willingly subjects himself to this abuse is said to justify it by describing women as worthy of his servitude. Fulfilling this desire may be okay if one has enough cash to spare. However, that money might be better off used to pay for a therapist should this fetish affect day-to-day function and other people.
Little Domme
A dominant who is also little. Littles are not exclusively submissive. There are many littles who are Dominants, just as there are caregivers who are subs. (I personally have a friend who is a Little Domme.)
Owner
A term used for those that āliveā as an Owner of their property (usually slaves refer to theirs as their owner) Owner is a term for an individual who has accepted complete responsibility for another individual in the BDSM world. An owner may have ownership of a person identifying as a slave or as a pet. Despite the connotations of these words, slaves and pets generally enter into a relationship with an owner voluntarily and are free to leave at any time.
An owner governs all aspects of the slave or petās behaviour, dress, and punishments. These will typically be spelt out in a contract between the owner and the slave or pet prior to any activity between them. For example, an owner may stipulate that a āpet ponyā always wears a bridle and hoof boots. The owner of a female slave may insist she always wears short skirts when clothed, for example, or that she never wears underwear. Owners are responsible for administering punishments when their pet or slave steps out of line. Conversely, owners are also in charge of pampering slaves or pets to reward good behaviour. Punishments and rewards may be an element of training, which owners are also responsible for administering during daily life. An owner may give a pet or slave a collar to wear as a symbol of the relationship. A pet or slave may also take on a name given to them by the owner to symbolize their new life under the ownerās control.
Switch
A switch is a person involved in BDSM play who chooses to play either a dominant or submissive. Partners may switch roles just because they want to, or to experience different activities. In a relationship between two people who identify as the same BDSM orientation, switching provides a way for both people to meet their BDSM needs. Switches may be looked down on by some people in their community for not being able to make up their minds.
In most BDSM play, one person takes on the role of the dominant, while the other plays a submissive. Being a switch means that a person can reverse rolls. Not everyone likes to be dominant or submissive all the time, and switching can afford the opportunity for partners to experience new sensations and levels of trust in one another. Most switches have been on the BDSM scene for a long time, have played both roles, and are confident in what they want out of a scene.
Domina
Domina is one of several possible titles for a female Dominant. It can be a self-proclaimed title, or it can be the honorific a submissive partner uses to address their top/Dominant. Although less common than the term Mistress, Domina is a popular title in the kink and BDSM scene. It is used to refer to a female Dominant partner.
Governess
In earlier times, governesses were viewed as teachers and disciplinarians. Today, the strict and punitive character of governesses are now a sexual fetish. Governesses were usually young, unmarried women in their early 20s or 30s who were employed as an authority figure over young children and young adults. Victorian-age governesses are often heavily connected to the Anglo-Saxon obsession and lust over flagellation. Bad behaviour was often corrected by a good spanking with young pupils learning how to bare their bottoms and assume the position for punishment. Today, the governess is a figure of fantasy in BDSM and erotica. The seemingly repressed and demure nature of the governess was commonly viewed in earlier literature as a form of sexual attractiveness. The youthfulness and supposed innocence of the governess was both attractive to the pupil and the employer. To the young student, the mature governess represented an older, mature sexual fantasy under which the governess had full control. To the employer, a submissive/dominant relationship existed between the two. The employer was often one of means and power whereas the governess often lacked finances and made a small living meaning that the employer often would be dominant over the governess. Modern erotica now explicitly describes the sexual seduction or relationships between governesses and young women and men.
Hotwife
A hotwife is an attractive married woman who has sexual relationships with other men, typically with the consent of her husband. This is commonly known as a cuckold. These women are sexually uninhibited and enjoy sex, both with their husband and with other partners. They enjoy the freedom and attention that comes with their lifestyle. A hotwife may also be called a slutwife.Ā Usually, a hotwifeās husband is involved in her sexual dalliances in some way. Often he will join in, forming a threesome, or he will simply watch his wife having sex with someone else. These husbands are usually aroused by their wives interactions, but also motivated by their partnersā happiness.
However, there is a growing number of hotwives who pursue other men without their husbandās knowledge. These women may dress provocatively and flirt with other men while their husbands are around, laying the groundwork for extramarital affairs when their husbands are out of sight. Many hotwives wear an anklet as a public display of availability. This piece of jewellery is designed to show men that a married woman is sexually available, whether itās with or without her husbandās consent. There are a number of online blogs where hotwives and their partners share their sexual exploits and fantasies. There are also blogs containing images and gifs of other hotwives, or models who could be hotwives, designed to appeal to people living or fantasizing about the hotwife lifestyle.
Double/Triple Domme
Double and triple domme sessions are BDSM-style sessions which involve one submissive client and more than one dominant participant known as dominatrixes or dommes.Ā A double domme session sees a single client interacting with two dommes while a triple domme session involves one client and three Dommes. For clients who book double and triple domme sessions being teased, tortured, and tormented by more than one skilled domme multiplies their arousal and pleasure.Ā Double and triple domme sessions may be arranged with professional masters or mistresses. These sex workers generally have a good relationship with one another and an understanding of their special talents and practices which helps enhance the experience for their clients.Ā Some double and triple domme sessions involve general BDSM practices while some focus on specific kinks such as sessions with foot fetish mistresses, kidnapping scenes, or lesbian cuckolding scenes.
MasturbatrixĀ
A Masturbatrix is a term used to describe a female dominatrix that specializes in the masturbation of their partner. In most situations, the Masturbatrix will deny or delay the orgasm. A Masturbatrix is similar to a dominatrix in that it involves a female who provides consensual teasing and torture of the other person in a sexual way. The Masturbatix often teases the other person during masturbation and denies sexual climax. The Masturbatrix might use different techniques to tease and arouse during masturbation, including different elements of BDSM play.
Humiliatrix
A humiliatrix is a specific type of female dominatrix that is particularly skilled in the art of humiliation. A humiliatrix might be skilled in either sexual/ erotic humiliation, or in real-life humiliation. A humiliatrix differs from a traditional dominatrix in that a dominatrix inflicts physical pain on the sexual partner while a humiliatrix inflicts psychological suffering. A humiliatrix might blackmail their partner, inflict stress, and mental anguish. She may also use physical humiliation techniques like face-slapping and spitting.
Keyholder (KH)
Keyholder is a term for an individual who holds the key to a chastity device. The keyholder has a position of great power, one that is often taken on by a dominant person in a BDSM relationship. Keyholders can be of any gender or sexuality, but most commonly, they tend to be heterosexual women who hold the keys to a male chastity device. The term keyholder is often shortened to the acronym KH. Because a keyholder controls access to a chastity device, they also by extension control the genitals of their partner. The keyholder controls whether the person wearing the chastity device can achieve sexual gratification and even has an impact on how and when they urinate and shower.
Many keyholders enjoy wearing the keys to the chastity device on a necklace. The visibility of the keys while hanging around oneās neck reinforces the relationship between the keyholder and the wearer of the chastity device, reminding the submissive of the keyholderās power. Keyholders should respect the power they have and never abuse it. Itās important for keyholders to act within the boundaries established before the chastity device is put into place. These boundaries may include specifications about the length of time the keyholder will keep the keys and enforce chastity and whether the keyholder will make the submissive work for his or her freedom. Keyholders typically use the duration of their position to ātrainā their submissive to be a better and less selfish lover.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION
Sensual Domination
Sensual domination is a new style of dominance which focuses on delighting all of the senses. When practising sensual domination, both partners agree to take turns assuming and giving up control so they can both enjoy sexual pleasure. Sensual dominance celebrates pleasure over pain and does not involve violence, aggression, or humiliation. Despite refraining from many common domination methods, a sensual dominant still aims to bring their submissive partner to subspace. As itās easier for a submissive partner shifts out of pain than pleasure, sensual dominance often results in a longer period of subspace.
Sensual dominance is often seen as soft or mild dominance. Many of the tools of a sensual dominant are familiar to those used by vanilla couples dabbling in BDSM, such as blindfolds, oils, ropes, ice cubes, and feathers. Sensual dominance may also involve role play and a foot or shoe worship. The submissive partner is treated with reverence and praised rather than put down or humiliated. While mild pain may be involved in sensual dominance, it is never the focus of these kinds of scenes. Any pain administered is meant to complement the pleasure and never intended to push the submissiveās limits.
Sensual dominance can help couples experience greater sensual freedom and intimacy. Many practitioners of sensual dominance feel this style of domination requires more skill than traditional domination, as it requires more patience and a greater understanding of a submissiveās turn-ons and state of mind. Open communication before a play session can help make things more enjoyable for all participants. While sensual dominance is seen as a fairly mild form of dominance, itās still a good idea to employ a safeword to ensure the interaction never takes the submissive out of their comfort zone.
Female Cuckold
The female cuckold, also known as cuckquean, is a female who derives sexual pleasure from looking at her partner (usually, but not exclusively, male) have sex with another person. As the cuckolding fetish is considered masochistic, it is considered a BDSM fetish. A female cuckold is a submissive woman who derives masochistic pleasure by looking at her partner have sex with another person. The pleasure comes from the humiliation and the mental anguish caused by the knowledge that your committed partner is enjoying another person more than you. Some theorize that cucks eroticize psychological humiliation.
Cuckolding is different from swinging or threesomes in that the cuckolded person does not participate. It requires a certain level of commitment between the two original partners, as, without an emotional connection, humiliation does not occur at the same level. Many cuckqueans are married. One apparent difference between male cuckolds and cuckqueans is that while cuckolds focus on the pleasure of their wives, cuckqueans tend to focus on the pleasure of the woman her partner is having sex with.
Cuckcake
A cuckcake is a female ābullā in an alternative form of cuckolding where the bull and at least one other participant are female. This involves a subset of cuckolding called cuckqueaning where at least two of the participants are female. A traditional cuckolding scene usually consists of a hetero couple with the man being submissive, and the woman dominant. Another submissive man, the ābullā has sex with the dominant female partner, often in front of the submissive (referred to in this case as the cuckold) while he is left helpless.
In a cuckqueaning scene the equivalent to the bull is female called a cuckcake. The submissive, or cuckquean, is consensually forced to watch the cuckcake have sex with the submissive cuckqueanās partner who can be either male or female.
Cuckqueen
A cuckqueen is a woman who is aroused by her partner engaging in sexual activity with another partner. The pleasure derived from the activity is masochistic in nature and might include a humiliation component. The term cuckqueen is derived from the term cuckold which traditionally means a man whose wife is adulterous. In this instance, the meaning varies slightly because the partner in question is not being deceived and is, in fact, complicit in the activity.
Cuckold
Cuckold, when used in a fetish context, describes the fetish of men who find masochistic pleasure in watching their wives have sex with other men. The man is complicit in the infidelity and often helps arrange the meetings. The couple need not necessarily be married, but there needs to be some kind of commitment between the two. As a fetish, cuckolding is a form of mental masochism that mostly involves mental humiliation. In a typical encounter, the woman has sex with another man while her husband watches. The husband is, of course, aware and willing. This lack of participation, this feeling of being left out, is what many cuckhold fetishists enjoy. Another aspect of the cuckholding fetish is competition. Some psychosexual theories claim that men will desire their wives more if theyāve just had sex with another man because this allows the menās sperm to compete. While this theory is not widely accepted, some cuckholding fetishists feel this aspect applies to them. Cuckhold fetishism can exist along a wide variety of other BDSM-related activities, such as female dominance, voyeurism, denial and verbal humiliation. Cuckholding is different from swinging (there is not another woman to have sex with the husband) and threesomes (because the husband doesnāt participate). While their power should not be abused, key holders are also responsible for disciplining their submissives should they act out or break the rules while wearing chastity devices. Discipline could involve spanking, taking away privileges, or other deterrents for bad behaviour.
Clothed Female, Naked Male (CFNM)
Clothed female, naked male (CFNM) refers to a scenario, usually sexual in nature, in which a female is wearing clothes and a male is not. Clothed female, a naked male is a common theme in female domination, or femdom, scenarios. Being completely naked in front of a clothed dominant female helps emphasize the maleās vulnerability and submission as well as the femaleās control. While the male is naked, the female is free to participate in a number of sexual acts, including erotic humiliation, erotic teasing, pegging, cock-and-ball torture and bondage. Clothed female, a naked male may be portrayed in erotic literature as well as pornographic movies and pictures. This term is often referred to by its acronym, CFNM, in the BDSM scene. You donāt have to be deep into the BDSM scene nor do you have to be an experienced dominatrix to introduce clothed female, naked male scenarios in the bedroom.Ā
Female led relationships come in so many different styles because of this, there are many different types of submissives and female dominants.
There's a lot of queers out there that find it hard to plan for a future wherein society doesn't want them in it. Can you offer a queer reading list of queer folx who have resisted authoritarian regimes? Any particular figures that stand out? Quotes? Are there other Claude Cahuns in history to offer inspiration in these times? Any stories of support networks that persisted throughout the AIDs genocide like the San Diego Blood Sisters? I'm sorry for so many questions; this topic has been weighing heavily on me.
I absolutely understand this, and I have some stories for you.
For articles:
George Everett Klippert tells the story of a man who changed the shape of a country because he was loved.
Jackie Shane tells the story of a trans woman of colour in the fifties who had a happier story than you'd expect.
Simon Tseko NkoliĀ tells the story of a man who fought back.
Elvira de la Fuente Chaudoir, A.K.A Agent BronxĀ tells the story of a woman who survived.
For books (affiliate links below) :
The Women's House of Detention
A Queer History of a Forgotten Prison
Hugh Ryan
The Freaks Came Out to Write
The Definitive History of the Village Voice, the Radical Paper That Changed American Culture
Tricia Romano
Liberated
The Radical Art and Life of Claude Cahun
Kaz RoweĀ
Nothing Ever Just Disappears
Seven Hidden Queer Histories
Diarmuid HesterĀ
The Faggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions
Larry MitchellĀ (Author),Ā Ned AstaĀ (Illustrator)
Double Cross
The True Story of the D-Day Spies
Ben MacIntyre
The New Queer Conscience
Adam EliĀ
If you need hope, take it from here.

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1 Accept your husband for who he is. Your husband has the same qualities that you fell in love with, and his bisexuality is another quality that you may have recently learned about. It also defines who he is. As your partner, he needs your love and support, and your relationship will remain strong if you can accept him for who he is.
2 Learn about bisexuality. Knowing more about bisexuality will help you understand your partner. There is no single model for bisexuality, since each individual is different in their emotions and feelings. A bisexual person is sexually attracted to two genders. This individual likely also loves individuals first, often with less attention to specific gender. There are a lot of myths about bisexuality, which can be harmful to your relationship if you donāt learn how these myths are just that ā myths. Your relationship will strengthen if you understand the true nature of your partnerās feelings. Some of these myths are:
Myth: A person is either gay or straight, not both.
Humans are complex and can have very different sexual orientations, including heterosexual (attracted to the opposite gender), homosexual (attracted to the same gender), bisexual (attracted to two or more genders), asexual (not attracted to any gender), pansexual (not limited in sexual choice), or skoliosexual (attraction to non-binary identified individuals).[1]
Myth: Bisexuals canāt be faithful.
People can choose to be monogamous. People's sexual orientation does not determine their ability or desire to be in a monogamous, faithful relationship. The couple decides what it means to be monogamous.
Myth: Bisexuals have more sexually transmitted diseases.
The rate of STDs does not correlate to someone's sexual orientation. Rather, it has to do with the individualās care in protecting themselves from STDs.
3 Give your relationship a fresh start. Recognize that your relationship has entered into a new phase. If you want the marriage to succeed and continue, you need to be willing to make changes. Your husband is still the same person that you married, but now you know even more about his desires and feelings. Understand that you may need to start fresh, with new boundaries and new expectations about what marriage means for both of you.
4 Talk with your husband about what he wants. Your husband may have been struggling with his bisexuality for a long time. If he is just now telling you, he may have been trying to suppress his true feelings. He knows that you two trust and respect each other. He has taken a big step in being honest with you. Now you can take a big step by talking to him about what he wants. What does he want your marriage to be like? Does he want to have other partners? Does he want to remain monogamous?
1 Know that communicating about sexuality can be difficult. Both of you may find it difficult to have a conversation about sexuality. For your husband, this might be the first time heās talked about his bisexuality. He may have been anxious and worried about you finding out, about keeping his feelings a secret, or about what other people will think. [2] As for you, you may undergo worries and anxieties of your own, including feelings of inadequacy, concern about your relationship, or concern for how your family might react.
Being patient and understanding with each other is the best starting place for a conversation. Know that you love each other and want each other to be happy.
2 Be open with each other. For your relationship to work, you need to communicate honestly with each other. Set aside time every day or every week when the two of you can talk without being interrupted. Talk about your concerns in an open yet supportive way.[3]
This might include asking if and when your husband is making connections with other partners. Being bisexual doesnāt mean that your husband will automatically cheat on you. But if he is going to be with other partners, you two should be open about that. Lies and deception are not a good foundation for any marriage.
3 Talk about where you stand on monogamy. When one partner is bisexual, the other partner may worry that the husband will be unfaithful. If your husband wants to be non-monogamous, and you agree to it, then support him in that.
Many bisexual partners are in long-term monogamous relationships. Determine what you want for your relationship
4 Set boundaries. Determine what you want in your relationship. This may involve setting some ground rules about other partners, or sexual activity that youāre both willing to participate in.[4] Are you okay with your husband being with one other partner, or are multiple partners okay? How much do you want to be involved?
5 Determine what you both want to share with family and friends. As you and your husband begin to understand life together in this new phase, you may choose to share some of this information with family and friends. If you have children, think about how youāll talk with them about bisexuality.
Remember that when you ācome outā to your children, have an ongoing conversation about it so that your kids can ask questions and understand your feelings. Be patient and give them time to process the information.[5]
1 Realize that you donāt need to make everything about sexuality. Your lives will still go on, with work pressures, commuting headaches, grocery shopping, and so on. Your everyday life will continue much as it had before your husband told you about his bisexuality.
2 Make sure other areas of your life are fun and interesting. Married life is about more than just sexual intimacy. Find hobbies and activities to do together. Travel together. Develop a fulfilling life together in many different ways.
3 Explore your own sexual desires. An open conversation about your partnerās sexuality and sexual desires is a chance to open up about your own sexual desires. Your husband is still attracted to you and wants you to feel free to explore what excites you.
Many partners have experienced a sexual awakening when they find out their husbands are bisexual. Their relationships have grown stronger and more satisfying.[6]
1 Visit an LGBT center for support. An LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) center is a place where you can get counseling and health information, as well as lists of LGBT-friendly businesses and community resources.
Find a local LGBT center by visiting the website for CenterLink: The Community of LGBT Centers.
2 See a mental health professional. A professional who specializes in relationships and sexuality may be able to help you understand your relationship and your partnerās feelings. You may be feeling anxiety or other emotions about your relationship, and it can help to have an outside perspective on what youāre feeling.
If you feel your relationship is in trouble, you might think about seeking couples counseling. There are therapists who specialize in the LGBT community.[7]
3 Talk with a trusted family member or friend. You may feel that your sex life in your marriage is a private matter, but it can help to get someone elseās perspective on things. Choose someone who will not be judgmental and who will be respectful and trustworthy.
Being feminine is not about putting on feminine clothes or about pleasuring yourself for a couple of minutes before you let your masculine thoughts take over your life again. Being feminine is a mindset, a divine energy that you can reclaim, connect to and embody if society or your limiting beliefs made you feel or think in a masculine way. We live in a masculine-driven world after all and the more we need beings like you that radiate their femininity daily, unapologetically, in your own authentic way. The BNWA gives you a headstart in a changing society, an opportunity to assess and adapt your ways & your behaviour to become yourself, finally. Todayās task: Discover the following keys to femininity and journal about the ones that feel difficult, the ones you struggle with, the ones that seem so hard to embody. If you can already check some boxes in this list, good girl, you are on your way to alignment, fulfillment and the embodiment of the divine feminine. Reblog to help others find their feminine self and share your experiences in the comments. XO
Be nurturing and compassionate: Show kindness to yourself and others, offering empathy without judgment. Practice listening deeply to understand before responding.
Be affectionate: Let yourself express warmth through touch, words, or gestures, whether itās a hug or a loving note. Show up physically and emotionally with open arms and a full heart.
Let intuition be your guide: Trust your inner voice, even if it defies logic; it often knows more than the mind. Practice following hunches in small ways to strengthen your connection to intuition.
Allow yourself to be magnetic: Embrace your natural allure by being genuine, confident, and receptive. Notice how effortlessly people and experiences are drawn to your authentic energy.
Allow yourself to feel attractive: Look at yourself lovingly and see what makes you unique. Wear something that brings out your favorite features and let yourself feel beautiful, unconditionally.
Be warm and welcoming: Open up your space, your energy, and your presence to others. Smile genuinely and create an atmosphere where people feel safe and valued.
Let small things trigger sensuality: Find pleasure in daily momentsāsavor the taste of coffee, feel the texture of fabrics, or enjoy the warmth of the sun. Engage your senses fully in even the simplest activities.
Take good care of yourself: Prioritize self-care as a daily ritual. Nourish your body, mind, and soul through small acts of care that make you feel whole.
Make it easy to express love: Let love flow freely through words, gestures, and acts of service. Send a sweet message, compliment someone, or show affection in your way.
Be creative and fertile: Allow ideas and inspiration to come naturally; creativity can be as simple as rearranging a space or cooking a new recipe. Engage in activities that spark your imagination and bring new life to your world.
Be in touch with your feelings: Honor every emotion, even the uncomfortable ones, as valuable messengers. Journaling or talking with a trusted friend helps you process and understand your feelings.
Be receptive: Practice accepting help, love, and opportunities without feeling the need to repay or prove yourself. Let go of resistance to receiving, and allow abundance into your life.
Allow compliments: Take a compliment to heart without brushing it off. When someone appreciates you, simply smile and say, āThank you.ā
Be in peace with your inner darkness: Accept every part of yourself, including the shadows. Embrace vulnerability as a path to self-discovery and strength.
Be comfortable with cycles and changes: Trust the ebb and flow of your moods, desires, and energy levels as natural and necessary. Align with lunar cycles as a reminder that change is both beautiful and essential. Let the New Moon (White Lunar Woman) or the Full Moon (Red Lunar Woman) be your time of chastity, renunciation, surrender & give your belly rest and care.
See vulnerability as strength: Share openly and authentically, understanding that real courage comes from being seen as you are. Embrace softness as a powerful gift.
Take responsibility for your life: Own your choices and your path without placing blame. Recognize the freedom that comes with self-accountability.
Make that doctor appointment: Self-care includes honoring your physical health. Donāt delay when it comes to maintaining well-being; schedule check-ups regularly.
Create harmonious spaces: Arrange your surroundings to reflect beauty, calm, and balance. Use soft lighting, meaningful objects, or natural elements to create peace in your environment.
Let relationships be the most important thing for you: Nurture meaningful connections with those you love. Prioritize quality time and invest in the people who uplift you.
Destroy whatās out of alignment: Let go of things, beliefs, or relationships that drain you. Trust that creating space makes room for whatās meant for you.
Learn to be in the present moment: Practice mindfulness by savoring each breath and grounding in the now. Release worries about the past and future.
Be authentic: Show up as your true self, without fear of judgment. Embrace and embody the unique person you are.
Be elegant and graceful in daily life: Walk, speak, and move with intention and poise. Let your actions be a reflection of self-respect.
Be playful: Allow yourself to laugh, be spontaneous, and enjoy life with a light heart. Indulge in activities that make you feel carefree and alive.
Have a feminine essence: Embrace softness, fluidity, and intuition in all you do. Honor your feminine energy as something sacred and natural.
Be part of a sisterhood: Build supportive, empowering connections with other women. Find strength in shared experiences and uplift one another.
Allow yourself to be motherly towards people: Offer care, advice, and support to those who need it. Share your nurturing energy in ways that feel comfortable.
Be polite and harmony-focused: Aim to create peace in your interactions, choosing kindness and understanding over conflict. Approach others with gentle words and a calm presence.
See femininity as your ultimate strength: Embrace all that makes you feminineāyour empathy, intuition, and resilienceāas powerful assets. Recognize your unique contributions to the world.
Dance: Move freely to music as a celebration of life. Let your body express itself without inhibition. Connect with your body and be in the present.
Do yoga or pilates: Connect with your body and mind through gentle, intentional movements. Find peace and strength in the flow of each posture.
Allow yourself to be soft as often as possible: Embrace gentleness in your thoughts, actions, and words. See softness as an expression of inner peace and resilience.
Go into nature: Reconnect with the earth by spending time outside. Let the natural world renew and ground you.
Pamper yourself: Set aside time for indulgent self-care, like a warm bath or a relaxing massage. Treat yourself with the same kindness and care youād offer a loved one.
Have a positive body image: Embrace your body for all it does and how it makes you feel. Celebrate your unique beauty without comparison.
Connect with cis-women: Share stories, support, and wisdom with the women in your life. Build a network of solidarity and empowerment.
Pursue guilt-free pleasures: Allow yourself to enjoy what makes you happy without shame. Whether itās a hobby, treat, or rest, embrace pleasure as a birthright.
Question old beliefs: Reassess what you were taught about femininity and strength. Replace limiting beliefs with affirmations that support your growth.
Eliminate your limiting beliefs: Identify thoughts that keep you small or fearful. Replace them with beliefs that encourage your expansion and confidence.
Create a beauty routine: Engage in rituals that make you feel radiant, inside and out. Find joy in caring for yourself daily.
Stop obsessing: Let go of the need for control or perfection. Breathe, release, and trust that everything will fall into place.
Stop overthinking: Surrender to the flow of life and trust yourself. Practice letting your thoughts come and go without attaching meaning to each one.
Master the art of detachment: Hold space for what you love without needing it to be a certain way. Let go of outcomes and accept the beauty of what is.
Let others help you: Be open to receiving support without feeling weak or burdensome. Accept help as an act of love and connection.
Seek self-validation instead of external validation: Value your opinion of yourself over othersā opinions. Practice self-affirmation as a daily ritual.
Compassion over competition: Celebrate other womenās successes and recognize that thereās enough abundance for all. Shift from envy to inspiration.
Be accepting: Practice open-mindedness towards yourself and others. Embrace imperfections and differences with a loving heart.
Be open: Approach life with curiosity and a willingness to explore. Allow yourself to be surprised and delighted by new experiences.
Live your truth unapologetically: Stand firmly in your beliefs and desires, even if they defy othersā expectations. Honor your path without apology.
Set and enforce boundaries: Protect your energy by saying no when you need to. Boundaries arenāt barriers; theyāre guides to healthy relationships.
Allow yourself to be lighthearted and fun: Embrace humor, joy, and a childlike wonder. Life isnāt always serious; play and laugh as much as possible.
Allow yourself to be seductive: Recognize and celebrate your sensuality. Let your allure shine naturally without hiding or minimizing it.
Follow your heart: Tune into your deepest desires and pursue them fearlessly. Let passion, love, and intuition guide your choices.