Divorced & Dating

It’s shocking when it hits.A reminder of that loss. We think that we’re fine, that we’re ready to move on and then we see or hear something that hits us like a sledgehammer.  For you, there is a list. Eight years of friendship and eight months together created a breadcrumb trail of memories for me to stumble up but all of those once delicious morsels are now rotten. How much does it suck to have favorite things - songs, movies, books - that you thought you were sharing with someone you love, wanting them to experience it and enjoy it as  much as you, suddenly carry that sour note.  I made the mistake of making you a mixed tape. Music used to be so therapeutic and now there are songs I can’t listen to anymore without thinking of your name. There was a book that I got you for Christmas. The one which I’m convinced you still haven’t read. The one you said that you would eventually get to.. Something that important to me, should have been important to you. 

I think about all of the things that were important to you, how I devoured them as a sense of being able to get closer, thinking that they would reveal something about you for me. Clues. Some hidden content that I didn’t get access to..

I just wanted to be close, wanted to feel connected. 

Twice this week there have been those reminders. The wonderful things that I got to experience because of you: the purple haired teenager with the dinosaur and Bambi and her King. 

It’s hard to watch them without you. 

Part 1 can be found HERE

It happened on a Sunday morning. He texted me and we started to chat. Unsurprisingly when two people are single and interested in each other, the conversation turned to sex. Now, I really like talking about sex. I find that it’s pretty telling about someone - their needs and desires, but also how they talk about it can express a level of confidence... and frankly, confidence is so fucking sexy. So, it was the run of the mill questions... “How many partners have you had?” “Favorite position?”

“Last time you had sex?”

And then we got into some specifics related to fantasies.

I have no had sex since June of 2016 and to be perfectly honest, my sex life prior was disappointing at best. My ex-husband was unable to give me what I needed - and it wasn’t because he had a tiny dick and came too quickly. He honestly just never listened. I told him time and time again what I needed to be satisfied and he never rose to the occasion.

That’s what made things so hot with Duncan. He listened and when we started to play out a lazy morning scenario, he utilized all of the things that I had shared with him about what I enjoyed. I’ve sexted and had phone sex in the past, but this was REALLY satisfying. It could have been a result from years of desires falling on deaf ears or because I was (and still am) really pent up with sexual energy, but Duncan nailed it. While I wasn’t convinced entirely that we were going to be a good match because we seemed to be too different, that text session at least demonstrated that we had some killer chemistry - at least on the phone.

We texted almost every day following the session, and even talked on the phone. The first time was nearly six hours. First, he had an amazingly sexy voice - deep and gravelly. Secondly, who the fuck talks to someone on the phone for six hours? We talked over Skype more often afterwards - playing a few rounds of Heroes of the Storm and then chatted for a bit before bed. It was nice.

When I was away visiting my best friend and her family in Sarnia in August, we texted back and forth and I even tried to reignite the sexting flames by sending some suggestive texts and honestly - as much as this wounds my ego - he totally shot me down.

In fact, the whole situation still bothers me. We were talking about Dr. Who and I made a comment about him being my companion and how I’d show him how much I appreciated it by doing some very naughty things and he made some shitty comment about how the Doctor and the companion never hooked up.

Maybe that should have been the first hint that he wasn’t interested? He just said he wasn’t in the mood, which after 12 years of boring, unsatisfying sex, I guess I could understand?