Fallen Angel Kin Blog

So, ive identified as demonkin for a while now. I feel (or felt) really comfortable in that label bc ive always felt nonhuman, monstrous and really felt connected to demons in general. Ive always felt weirdly ancient as well. I feel that my body is young but the soul that inhabits it has been existing for longer than it could ever think of counting. Deep in my mind though ive been thinking maybe im more fallen angel or something like that? Ive always been so immensely drawn to clouds and the sky ever since i could remember really, i feel saddened and sick and heavy in my heart and chest (the best i can describe it) whenever i look at them, but im so entranced and enthralled by their beauty and significance that i cant look away. Like im yearning for a place that i know i hated, but it was so soft and warm up there no matter how much it hurt. One of my hobbies is taking pictures of the sky. I have hundreds of these photos. I do not miss being controlled or serving something though. I hate that. I never want to serve any divinity other than myself. I am not religious and despise the idea of being ruled in such a way. I never want to be ruled like i feel i once was ever again, but i so so deeply miss the place i used to be. Thus, why i thought i was demon kin. I still heavily associate myself with demonic things and the like, but i feel that im slightly different. For whatever reason i feel as though i didnt start that way. I feel like i used to live among the heavens, but one day i could feel the fire staining my pearly white wings, crawling along them and charring them to a deep black, leaving nothing of the cloud-like white they once where, as i reach for the clouds with my numb limbs that cant hold onto what im loosing. No choice but to fall. Sometimes i can still sense and feel the immense betrayal and heartache i felt that time deep within me somewhere. Does that count as a memory? I dont explicitly remember it per se, its more like this incredibly strong feeling and grudge that i could never hope to get rid of. Possibly tmi, but ive always adored the feeling of falling. The only way i can describe it is nostalgic. Ive thought that if i where to kms, id do it falling backwards, staring up at the clouds again. The sight of the clouds getting further and further from my desperate grasp feels so familiar but i can never pin point a time where it happened.

Ever since my supposed banishing from the heavens i feel ive been trapped in the body of something that could never hope to match what i once was. I feel disgraced, humiliated, and betrayed, spat upon like i meant nothing. There was never a point in time or a traumatic event that i know of in my human life that lead to these feelings. I cant help but feel like a burned angel, a demon who once had the heavenly glow of the sky, forced to wander in a powerless shell on this earth. I can only reminisce on that glory, disheartened and unforgiving of the divinity that did that to me. I feel lost. I want to return to the comfort and beauty of the heavens but of my own accord and with nothing to control me.

I highly certain that im not a full angel. But im not a complete demon either.

Again, sorry its a lot. What do you think? Do i seem to be a fallen angel as well? Thank you for your help btw. It means a lot to me /gen

Hello!! Thank you very much for the ask, I'm always happy to help

Before I start, keep in mind that multiple kin types are possible!! You could be both a fallen angel AND a demon

I'm gonna go about this similarly to how Raz did a while back

After a while there will be a set of asterisks and a warning. Skip to the second set of three asterisks when you see it to skip the mention of su1c1de!

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"-Ive always felt weirdly ancient as well. I feel that my body is young but the soul that inhabits it has been existing for longer than it could ever think of counting."

This is something common with many kintypes! Demonic and angelic ones are definitely more closely related to this feeling. I myself have this exact feeling very very often! -

"-Ive always been so immensely drawn to clouds and the sky ever since i could remember really, i feel saddened and sick and heavy in my heart and chest (the best i can describe it) whenever i look at them, but im so entranced and enthralled by their beauty and significance that i cant look away."

Clouds have always reminded me of Heaven. Storm clouds are my favorite for some reason? They look so heavy! I'm pretty sure those were the best to fly through, cus even if they got my wings all wet, it felt really nice and cool. This could very well be a sign that you're an angel! -

"-Like im yearning for a place that i know i hated, but it was so soft and warm up there no matter how much it hurt."

Fallen angel mentality right here. Longing for Heaven, even after all that happened, is something I do quite often. I don't miss the other angels, but I do miss Heaven itself. It was the first home I ever knew. -

"-I do not miss being controlled or serving something though. I hate that. I never want to serve any divinity other than myself. I am not religious and despise the idea of being ruled in such a way. I never want to be ruled like i feel i once was ever again, but i so so deeply miss the place i used to be."

I've mentioned this in a past post, but God was for angels the same thing that God was for humans. It was a mysterious figure with no real face, no real body. It was a concept. At least, that's how I remember it. How is this relevant? Well, its the reason that I myself am not religious either! -

"-I feel like i used to live among the heavens, but one day i could feel the fire staining my pearly white wings, crawling along them and charring them to a deep black, leaving nothing of the cloud-like white they once where, as i reach for the clouds with my numb limbs that cant hold onto what im loosing. No choice but to fall."

I left Heaven. Not necessarily of my own accord, but I did take the last step out of those gates. I couldn't stop my descent. I was afraid and regretted it nearly instantly. I wanted to fly back up and beg for them to forgive me. But my wing was burning, and I couldn't fly. What you're describing is very very much a fallen angel experience. -

"-Sometimes i can still sense and feel the immense betrayal and heartache i felt that time deep within me somewhere. Does that count as a memory? I dont explicitly remember it per se, its more like this incredibly strong feeling and grudge that i could never hope to get rid of."

Sometimes it's hard to tell if something is the memory itself or just the feelings you felt during it. I think that what you described counts as a memory! -

TW SU1C1D4L IDEATION!

SKIP TO THE *** TO CONTINUE

"-Possibly tmi, but ive always adored the feeling of falling. The only way i can describe it is nostalgic. Ive thought that if i where to kms, id do it falling backwards, staring up at the clouds again. The sight of the clouds getting further and further from my desperate grasp feels so familiar but i can never pin point a time where it happened."

You likely can't pinpoint a time when it happened because it didn't happen in this lifetime! I understand what you mean. The clouds are peaceful. -

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"-Ever since my supposed banishing from the heavens i feel ive been trapped in the body of something that could never hope to match what i once was. I feel disgraced, humiliated, and betrayed, spat upon like i meant nothing. There was never a point in time or a traumatic event that i know of in my human life that lead to these feelings."

These particular feelings are very reminiscent of demonic or angelic origins! Especially considering the lack of events in your human life. -

"-I cant help but feel like a burned angel, a demon who once had the heavenly glow of the sky, forced to wander in a powerless shell on this earth. I can only reminisce on that glory, disheartened and unforgiving of the divinity that did that to me. I feel lost. I want to return to the comfort and beauty of the heavens but of my own accord and with nothing to control me."

Once again, these feelings are signs to me that you very well could be a fallen angel as well as a demon! -

In conclusion;

Fledgling, I think that you are a demon. I also think that you're a fallen angel. Whether you falling turned you into a demon, or rather another lifetime had you as an angel, that is up to you to discover! All the signs point to both demonic and angelic from my point of view.

I have suspected that I'm at least partially nonhuman for a while now, but I'm just now digging deeper into the community.

I wanted to state some of my experiences that make me suspect that I am alterhuman and angelkin.

Please let me know if these don't signify being otherkin, or if I should look into another community.

-feeling like an observer upon humanity.

-my family has always referred to me as an "old soul", as in having wisdom beyond my years. I heavily identify with that.

-I have always had a strong connection to the idea of reincarnation.

This includes:

feeling celestial, feeling heavy significance from the fact that our atoms essentially began as stardust.

and wanting to return to the earth after death (decomposition)

-deeply loving "angel" as a pet name, as well as identifying with angel/angels neoprns (among others)

-memories of staring out the window at night, feeling an abstract sense of homesickness. looking at the stars with total awe and love.

-feeling deeply emotional looking at "biblically accurate" (I am personally not religious) depictions of angels. identifying with them in a way I have a hard time describing.

-occasionally having such an intense and all consuming sense of love and appreciation and warmth for myself and everyone/thing in my surroundings, oneness with the universe (some sort of mental shift perhaps????)

-Covering myself in soft and warm objects, blankets, etc.. when needing comfort

I heavily suspect it's a need to surround myself with feather-like softness as if I was hiding behind many feathery wings

-standing in the sun and feeling warmth and feeling totally at peace, almost at home.

I'm aware that some of these are super common experiences, but I tried to collect everything that made me suspect myself being angelkin or a similar identity. Please let me know what you think.

Quick disclaimer: This body is a system. Divi hasn't fronted for a while, so they can't answer this ask personally, but I'll do my best to answer in their place. (Don't worry, I'm an angel as well.) Despite those being, as you said, common experiences, all of them together is VERY reminiscent of my and Divi's experiences before discovering our identities. I'll touch on each of these for you, anon. "-feeling like an observer upon humanity." Do you ever get the feeling that when around others, you're not... socializing? Do you feel the word "studying" suits better? Do human behaviors confuse you? Now, anon, this is not a confirmation of otherkin, but its pretty likely. Neurodivergence and otherkin are often found together, due to being ostracized. Both of these things can cause you to feel like an observer rather than a participant. Does this signify being otherkin? Alone, no. But let's continue. "-my family has always referred to me as an "old soul", as in having wisdom beyond my years. I heavily identify with that." Once again something that is both possible with otherkin and being neurodivergent. However, the identification part leans more toward otherkin. The wording is important. Do they call you an "old soul", or do they say you're very mature for your age? The first leans more to otherkin, the second to neurodivergency. "-I have always had a strong connection to the idea of reincarnation." Now THIS is otherkin. Or, the definition of it that we use. Past lives and reincarnation are a big part of our own experiences. "-deeply loving "angel" as a pet name, as well as identifying with angel/angels neoprns (among others)" The "angel" pet name is also a HUGE comfort for Divi. I like it myself, but its not something that I'll tell people to call me. Our host loves it as well, but for different reasons. The pronouns part is a pretty good sign that otherkin could be a possibility. -memories of staring out the window at night, feeling an abstract sense of homesickness. looking at the stars with total awe and love. Otherkin behavior 100%, especially about the stars. I think the word "Hiraeth" fits this pretty well. There are many different english translations of it, but the one that is most common is "a homesickness for a home you can never return to, or never was". I find myself missing being not human, and missing my old "home", if I could even call it that. "-feeling deeply emotional looking at "biblically accurate" (I am personally not religious) depictions of angels. identifying with them in a way I have a hard time describing." This is otherkin. Angelkin specifically. It can be hard to describe that kind of emotion. After so long looking in the mirror and feeling wrong, finding something that feels so right is both a relief and a pain. "-occasionally having such an intense and all consuming sense of love and appreciation and warmth for myself and everyone/thing in my surroundings, oneness with the universe (some sort of mental shift perhaps????)" This sounds like a kin shift. However, the wording gives me much more than angelkin vibes. Maybe something more, something bigger. Or it could be you were extremely passionate about the universe. "-Covering myself in soft and warm objects, blankets, etc.. when needing comfort. I heavily suspect it's a need to surround myself with feather-like softness as if I was hiding behind many feathery wings" This is very much angelkin behavior. Hiding behind wings can be a huge comfort. Things like weighted blankets can be very good at imitating that feeling. The feather part is a bit more difficult, but it can be done. "-standing in the sun and feeling warmth and feeling totally at peace, almost at home." I did this just the other day. Due to our body's location and heat sensitivity, we rarely ever get to stand in the sun for long. But it was really cool and breezy outside, and the sun was unobstructed, so I got to stand out there for a while. I remember referring to it as "photosynthesizing", which was actually something I did in