𝓘f looks could kill, Topper Thornton most certainly wouldn’t be a problem anymore.

JJ had to force himself to stop glaring at the other boy, clenching his jaw as he does so. The noise of the kegger was drowned out easily by his thoughts.

It didn’t make any sense. You hated Topper. Hell, one of your first real conversations was based off of your mutual distaste for the blond kook. And yet here you were, hand in hand with him while he was conversing with his friends. You stood there, smiling and nodding, yet JJ could tell you really had no interest in whatever they were talking about. Topper either didn’t notice or didn’t care. JJ would’ve known better than to treat his girl like that. He could, surprisingly, be chivalrous when he wanted to be. He would always make sure you were involved in any conversation, and the minute you looked uncomfortable? He wouldn’t hesitate to come up with an excuse to leave.

But he never had the opportunity, because you were never his girl. Not really.

But boy, did he want you to be. Now more than ever he wanted you to be. He knew it was a dick move on his part, only sure of what he wants after he could no longer have you. After he had made you cry god only knows how many times. But in a way, you leaving was the wake up call he needed.

He had initially wanted to get with other girls to get over you, but that was how this whole ordeal started. And he promised himself he was going to be different. No more casual sex to get over someone. Especially when that someone was you. He had to prove that he could be better, and that included not hurting anyone else.

Only focusing on the girl he couldn’t have.

He didn’t want to loose the only person who looked at him like he wasn’t just some self-destructive, impulsive, broke teen. Although technically, he already had. He just told himself it was only temporary.

But that was getting harder to believe with the way you let Topper’s hands wander all over your body, an act so intimate that made JJ disgusted.

Those should be his hands instead.

Your smile stiffened as Topper’s hand grazed your breast in front of all his friends to see, and the bastard’s eyes weren’t even on you. They were looking for something. Probably Sarah, like John B had said.

You weren’t stupid. You noticed this. JJ knew you noticed this, it was obvious with how uncomfortable you looked. But you didn’t push him away.

JJ’s feet were moving before he could register it.

His shoulder roughly brushed against Topper’s, and the drink he had been nursing spilled all over his pristine pink polo that probably cost more than JJ’s rent.

“Jeez sorry man… didn’t see you there” JJ scoffed.

Yet to his surprise, and dismay, Topper didn’t look as annoyed as he usually would’ve.

“Nah… all good man… shit was getting old anyway. Hey you’ve met my girlfriend, right? Y/N?”

For a second your eyes met JJ’s, and he saw the hints of pain that never went away following your last encounter. You attempt to smile, but it wasn’t quite as easy to fake as it was with Topper’s other friends. So to save yourself, you settle for looking at your feet.

“Yeah… yeah i’ve seen her around.”

JJ’s blue eyes kept looking down at you. He couldn’t turn away. Not even if he wanted to.

“So you can tell Sarah i’ve moved on, all right?”

JJ would’ve rolled his eyes, but right now he couldn’t care about the guy’s pathetic pining for a girl that clearly didn’t want him. He was busy focusing on the beauty in front of him, that was so close yet felt so far away.

“Tell her yourself, she’s right there.”

JJ pointed backwards, eyes still glued to you, and wasn’t the slightest bit shocked when Topper told you he’d ’be right back’ before walking away. Leaving you alone.

With the last person you wanted to be left alone with.

Your eyes dart around, your nails bite into your fingers, a habit that always took over when you were uncomfortable. Something JJ hadn’t realized he had noticed until now.

“So you and Topper, huh?”

You were silent still, eyes refusing to meet his.

“I mean… you can see how that’s a little surprising to me, right?”

Still nothing.

“Thought you didn’t like him.”

Nothing.

And then,

“You do realize he’s just doin’ this to get back at Sarah—”

“Stop.”

JJ blinked.

“I’m trying to save you from humiliating y—”

“I know I don’t mean anything to him JJ! I know i’m just a rebound! Do you really think i’m that dense to not see what’s right in front of me?! I know, because that’s what I am.” you yelled out suddenly.

“What?”

“I know what I am to him, but i’ve realized that I’m not going to be anything more to anybody else. So i’ll take what I can get.”

“That’s not—”

“At least he’s not scared to be seen with me! At least he pretends to like me… at least he shows me off like i’m worth something!”

“He shows you off like arm candy—”

“Well at least i’m more than just a warm body, okay?!”

Tears were streaming down your face freely now.

Shit shit shit shit—

“Why are you saying these things?” JJ’s voice almost cracked.

“Because it’s the truth.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is—”

“It’s not—”

“It is… and you should know better than anyone that all i’m good for is being a r-replacement.”

Your voice cracked this time. And JJ realized that maybe this insecurity hadn’t started with his actions alone.

Though they certainly didn’t help.

You were walking off before he could process it.

Your shoulders shook, you clutched your sweater tighter though he knew the trembling wasn’t solely from the cool air. You just kept walking, taking off your sandles to run faster in the sand. But with his much longer legs, it didn’t take a lot of time for him to catch up to you and grab your wrist.

“Let go of me!”

“Can you just listen to me—”

“I don’t want your fucking pity—”

“It’s not… it’s not… I mean it is but it’s not…”

He holds you tighter, despite your protests. Not rough, but just tighter. Because he’s so afraid that if he lets go, you won’t ever come back again.

“I just want you to listen… listen—”

You’re already shaking your head, but he’s grabbing your face with his calloused hands and forcing you to look at him. Your gaze meets his stupidly bright blue eyes that you’re torn between loving and hating.

“You’re not just a replacement.”

“Liar—”

“You’re not… you never were, and I was so stupid to treat you like one.”

You hold in another shaky sob and immediately try to look down again, but his hands are steady and he crouches with you, forcing your eyes to remain on his.

“I’m going to be honest with you… alright? Because you deserve that. Whatever we started was to get over Kie… because despite the fact that we broke up yeah, I still had feelings for her. But I wanted to put the group first. Even though it hurt like a bitch.”

You were still crying, but you weren’t pulling away as much. He took it as a sign to keep going.

“You were hot… seemed into me… fuck, you were the first person to even ask if i was okay that night… so yeah, it seemed like a good way to take my mind off of things.”

“JJ I don’t—”

“That was all it was supposed to be… y’know? A way I could keep my mind off of things… I didn’t want anybody to get hurt. But then you were starting to stay in bed instead of just leaving immediately, and I got to know you—”

“J-JJ—”

“You laughed at my dumb jokes… you… you do this little thing where your nose crinkles up whenever I say something dirty… and for some reason, you look at me like… like I dunno… like i’m more than just some pogue who does dumb shit with his friends and gets concerningly high most weekends… ”

The wind picks up, your sweater almost flies off, but he brings you closer.

“And then that night when you stayed the night… it felt like nothing else mattered. And that scared the hell outta me. And I didn’t want you around my friends… I thought it was because of Kie or the fact that you were a kook… but I just don’t think I was ready for things to get real.”

He’s close. So close your noses were almost touching.

“I’m going to be honest… I don’t know why I said her name. I don’t… maybe I wasn’t ready to be over her… maybe it was just my internal urge to fuck up everything good in my life… I don’t know…but the second I saw what it did to you, I hated myself for it. I wish I could take it back… and I wish I could make you feel appreciated. Because you deserve it—”

“I don’t—”

“You do.” he states firmly.

He let go just a little bit to see if you’d run. And you didn’t.

“And I hate… hate that I made you somehow believe that you didn’t. That I made your standards so low you’d date Topper fuckin’ Thornton.”

You let out a laugh at that.

The one he’s missed so much.

“There’s that laugh…”

He brushes a stray tear away against your cheek. Another one falls just as quickly.

And JJ Maybank does something that he would’ve never done, under any circumstances, for anyone.

He gets on his knees. For you. A kook.

No, not a kook. For the girl he would do anything for if it meant she would forgive him.

“JJ…”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers out. “I’m so sorry… and I know I don’t deserve another chance, I know I don’t… but I can’t help if I want it.”

You both shakily inhale at the same time. His body moves with yours as if it was apart of him.

“I wanna make it up to you… I wanna treat you right this time, wanna buy you gifts… well, maybe steal it because i’m broke as hell, but get you pretty things you deserve. I wanna introduce you to my friends… and I wanna spend every hour of the day making you love yourself again… and I won’t be perfect but i’m going to—”

A sharp kick sending his now groaning form to the side stops his rant of promises.

“So you really thought you could just swoop in here with your bullshit proclamations of love and steal my girl, huh pogue?”

You froze at the way your boyfriend was looking down at JJ, who you could’ve sworn was about to say ‘i love you.’

“Topper—”

“You know what is it with you pogues thinking it’s okay to just try and fuck my girlfriends the minute you catch them alone? I mean first John B… and now you. It’s pathetic, really—”

“What’s pathetic is the fact that you can’t treat a girl right so they get pulled in these situations in the first place, Top.”

Topper looked ready to lunge, and you desperately grabbed his arm to attempt to keep him from swinging at JJ.

“Topper—”

“Oh and you were about to fall for it too, huh? You and Sarah? You’re both dirty sluts—”

JJ’s on his feet before either you or Topper could process it, stepping in front of you as a human shield. His face wasn’t playful anymore, and his jaw was clenched.

“You watch your mouth, man.”

“Oh what, you her knight in shining armor?”

“Better than being the asshole that shows her off like a trophy they can just parade ar—”

JJ didn’t even get to finish, as Topper was already punching him across the face. The other blond was quick to return the favor.

“Topper JJ stop—”

Your pleas fell on deaf ears, so as a last resort you try and put yourself in between the two.

“You’re both acting insane! Stop it!”

“Your psycho boyfriend started it.”

➽──────────────❥

JJ was sitting on the chateau’s porch, nursing his black eye when he noticed a shadow approach him.

For the first time, he felt embarrassed to see you.

“How’d you know I was here?”

“You weren’t by your house…lucky guess.”

JJ pauses, looking you up and down with skepticism in his eyes. He had wanted you back, but it was hard not to be a little upset about you and Topper. He understood you were mad at him, hurt by him. If he was you, he’d cut himself out of his life completely. But JJ was also irrational, because he didn’t want you dating someone that was not him. He especially didn’t want you dating someone he hated.

At least it’s not like you were dating Rafe.

“I’m uh… i’m sorry, about what Topper did. I didn’t think—”

“Didn’t think what, your kind would start beating on my kind? Come on, you’re smarter than that Y/N.”

It was your turn to glare now.

“For godsake… why do you act like we’re a different species JJ? I know a lot of kooks are assholes who look down on people from the cut… but some of us care, alright? I never treated you like you were below me… yet you were the one that was always embarrassed to be seen with me. So it’s not exactly one sided.”

You had a point, JJ thought.

“So why are you here?” the pogue asked, his voice softening this time. You simply roll your eyes.

“Because you never clean yourself up after getting into fights… and you’re gonna get an infection if someone doesn’t do it for you.”

You hands rummage around in the tote back on your shoulder til you finally found the first aid kit you were looking for. You sit down on the porch beside him, gently pushing some of his hair to the side with one hand while the other applied some ointment to his bruised skin.

God, your hands were soft.

“Does this mean you’ve forgiven me?”

“No.”

Fair.

It was fair. But it didn’t mean he had to like the answer you gave him. Because the fact that you were here, nursing him back to health and not tending to your annoying, rich boyfriend who was also dealing with bruised skin meant that you still cared.

And he remembered those three little words you said to him right before you passed out on his bed after being too intoxicated that night to be alone.

Yes, you might’ve drunk, but JJ could tell that despite that, you meant it.

You did love him.

And after being without you for so long, he came to the conclusion that he loved you too.

“Will you ever forgive me?” he finally asks.

You didn’t answer, and JJ’s heart almost stopped when he thought about the likely possibility that you might say no.

“I don’t know…” you admitted after a few agonizing moments.

It wasn’t a yes.

But the way you said it told him everything.

“I never got a chance to say it… but I love you too.”

Your entire world stops. Your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest.

It was all you ever wanted to hear.

“…But I don’t think I love myself anymore.”

Your voice was so weak it hurt to hear. And JJ’s heart felt like it shattered all over again.

“Then i’m gonna help you learn to again…” he whispered. “Whether you still love me or not… i’m gonna help you love yourself again.”

It would take a while.

But maybe you’d learn to trust him again. JJ. Your protecter.

The man who got on his knees to show you how much he yearned for your forgiveness someday.

And for the first time in the six weeks when you had been grieving the boy you’d never thought would love you back, with tears kissing your eyelashes, you smile.

𝓨ou gasp as he was currently hitting a particularly rough spot, pounding into you from behind while you were bent over the bathroom counter. You didn’t know whose house this was, or how you got here. You were just happy you were currently getting railed by some hot blond.

Except the hot blond was not JJ.

It’s ironic, how the pogue had used you to get over someone else, and now you were technically doing the same thing. Except to be fair, the guy who was currently drooling over you probably didn’t pay any mind to the cause of your newfound eagerness. None of them ever did.

You were never the type to get laid at parties. Until that one time with JJ. And now that you two were over, there was this emptiness inside of you that needed to be filled. You assumed it was because of the sudden lack of sex after so many consecutive weeks spent in JJ’s bedroom.

In reality, you felt a need to feel wanted in the way JJ never made you feel. And lots of kooks were very willing to take advantage of that opportunity.

“Fuck, can’t believe all it took was a broken heart to finally get in this bitch’s pants…” You heard the stranger say. You look up in the mirror, and discover that he’s on the phone while he’s still moving inside of you.

He kept bragging about things you didn’t bother to listen to. You felt humiliated. Was this really what you’ve become? Some cheap slut desperate for male attention because your lover from The Cut couldn’t get over his ex? You always made fun of those types of girls described in the movies. Always so stereotypical. Turns out, you were now one of them.

You didn’t come even when the stranger did, and he didn’t work to make sure you were going to. Yet another thing that reminded you the man you were currently with was not JJ, because he always made sure you finished first.

You don’t even glance up as the guy behind you pulled his pants up. You felt dirty. Used in a way far worse than you had been previously.

You didn’t think as you left the bathroom only a few seconds after the stranger did. It didn’t matter to you, your reputation was already in ruins. He had already bragged about it to his friends before he even pulled out. It was hard to muster up enough care to try and wait it out at least a few minutes.

But as you emerged from the doorway you’re met with piercing blue eyes that are burning lasers into your form.

“Y/N?”

JJ’s voice snaps you out of your daze. He kept on staring at you. You didn’t understand why, until you looked down at your ruined clothes, brought a hand to your disheveled hair, and finally felt the smudged mascara on your face. You quickly wrapped your arms around yourself, eager to shield yourself from him, despite him having seen you in much more compromising positions in the past.

“Hi JJ…”

“…Hey.”

He glances around, as if taking into account the amount of people who were present.

“Can we talk? In private?”

“I don’t have time—”

“But you had time to fuck some rich asshole in the bathroom?”

So he noticed that.

“I’m worried about you,” his voice almost cracked, sounding pitiful as if you were the one who broke his heart. Like your self-destructive actions were worse than his selfish ones.

“You don’t have to be.”

“I kinda feel like I do though…” he ran a hand through his sun-bleached hair, something he always did when he was frustrated. Another one of those little things you hated that you noticed.

“Let’s not do this JJ…”

You brush past him without another word, eager to find someone else who would take your mind off of the boy you couldn’t have.

➽──────────────❥

JJ hadn’t been the same since you left. He was only able to convince himself you didn’t mean anything for about five minutes, and then he finally realized that any excuse he somehow could conjure up was bullshit.

He never outright offered you any comfort, any affection or love or reassurance, because he thought you didn’t need it. That no matter what, you’d stay with him like some loyal, love-sick puppy.

But you didn’t. You realized your worth and left, like any rational person would’ve done.

Except you didn’t really realize your worth, did you? Because you were letting guys humiliate you left and right, for what, a quickie to satisfy your needs? That of which you weren’t getting from him anymore? You weren’t like that.

JJ had done that to you.

But why was he so worried about you?

He didn’t want you, right? He wanted Kie. It was always Kie.

But he also didn’t want you with somebody else. Some random kook who would show you off like a trophy instead of worshipping you. Someone like Rafe or Topper or anyone else he despised with every inch of his being because they never had anyone else’s best interest at heart. They walked over people without a care in the world—

Which is exactly what he did to you.

And in the weeks he hadn’t seen any sign of you following the party, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. After he had a bad day, he wanted to be able to look forward to seeing you over the weekend. Those soft, delicate hands running through his hair when you were making out, soothing every worry he had.

He was once so adamant about the fact that he had no feelings for you because you were so different from Kie. You were cautious about everything, soft in a way that hurt to look at. He didn’t want to be with someone like that. It would only result in someone trying to ‘bring down’ his way of living. His impulsive nature. How he had fun.

But no, in reality it gave him balance. It healed something in him. But he didn’t realize it until you were gone.

He missed you so much.

He finally saw you again after a month. Of course it was at another party. This time you were even more drunk than you were the last time. Barely able to stand upright. It made his heart ache. He was about to force himself to look away, go back to his friends because you clearly didn’t want anything to do with him.

But someone was trying to pull you away.

Someone who JJ had never known before, it looked like one of the guys who hung out with Kelce’s group. He was taking you away even though it was obvious you couldn’t consent.

It made his blood boil. And his feet were moving before his brain was fully processing.

“HEY!” he shouted out, loud enough to draw the attention of bystanders.

The asshole who was gripping your nearly limp form had the audacity to hold you tighter, about to tell JJ to back off.

So the latter raised a fist and sent a swift punch to the former’s nose.

JJ kept hitting, even as his opponent was almost passed out in the sand. He wouldn’t stop hitting until he was fully convinced the kook wouldn’t get up. As he finally turned away, he grabbed your hand and you didn’t protest as he dragged you to his bike.

“Get on.”

His voice was gruff, but you weren’t coherent enough to focus. He scoffed and then lifted you on the bike himself, shoving a helmet on your head and then got on himself. He made sure your hands were firm around him as he drove off.

His initial plan was to take you home, but knew your parents wouldn’t like it very much if they found you in this state, with a pogue like him no less.

So with that, and knowing his dad had been gone for days, he took you to his place. Following your arrival he guided you inside, to the same bedroom you had been to so many times.

Your mind, distorted by alcohol, started kissing him. But unlike times before when he usually would’ve been kissing back and gripping your ass, he pulled back.

“Woah woah woah…”

“JJ,” you half whispered, half whimpered. You threw your arms around him again, moving in for more sloppy kisses.

But he pulled away again. You whined.

“You’re drunk. Like, super drunk.”

“I want you—” you attempted to plant a kiss on his lips once more, but ended up stumbling and almost falling over your feet, however he was fast to hold you by the waist.

Before your mind could process it you were being tucked into JJ Maybank’s bed.

“Shhh, go to sleep…”

He shushed you, even though you hadn’t really realized you were trying to talk.

You looked so vulnerable in his eyes, and it made his head hurt. He hated himself for what he did to you, for unintentionally harming someone so good. But he also didn’t regret it. Because in a way, it brought him to you in the first place.

You kept mumbling while half-asleep, but three words he was able to decipher perfectly.

“I love you.”

Your eyes finally closed. You wouldn’t have said that if you weren’t intoxicated. JJ was sure of it, wasn’t he?

But he also was starting to be sure that he may have felt the same way. And he didn’t know how to handle it.

So he just watched as you slept, your body finally getting your much needed emotional relief by sleeping. Maybe one day, he could be your relief again.

➽──────────────❥

You woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. Your memory was foggy, but you remembered the sight of blood on the beach.

You remembered how someone was pulling you away, how you didn’t fight it, but then—

JJ had taken you home.

Your first instinct was to curse yourself. You had promised yourself you wouldn’t go back to him, yet when you looked under the covers that enveloped your frame your clothes seemed to still be on. Is it possible you could’ve put them on yourself after JJ had undressed you? It didn’t seem very likely, given the state you were in.

A hoarse voice snapped you out of your thoughts before you could spiral.

“Hey…”

He gave a soft smile directed towards you, but it didn’t quite reach the rest of his face. His hair was tousled and messy, and his eyes looked red. You looked next to the empty space beside you and it didn’t look like it had been slept in.

You were so confused you couldn’t force yourself to make small talk, so you asked the question that had been on your mind since you first woke up.

“Did we have sex?”

He hesitates, and you almost think he’s about to say yes until he shakes his head.

“No.”

“No?” your voice held disbelief.

He almost looks offended.

“You think I would do that with the state you were in while I was stone cold sober? Hell no… I know I’ve done some real shitty things, but i’m not that kinda guy.”

His words sink in, and you realized he was right. He wasn’t like the other guys who were in your own social class. He hurt you, yes. Made you feel used and dirty. But he never made you feel unsafe.

That was part of the reason you fell so hard for him. The boy was reckless and impulsive, but you always felt this imminent sense of safety whenever you were with him. Something no one else had ever quite managed to make you feel.

“Sorry I… I didn’t mean to accuse you… I-I just… don’t really remember last night,” you admitted quietly.

“Yeah…you were pretty whacked out of your mind,” he laughs at the memory. But again, it didn’t reach the rest of his face. “can’t help but feel like that’s my fault.”

You look away, suddenly all to embarrassed to face him.

“Look… i’m so sor—”

You cut him off before he could finish.

“JJ… I don’t… I don’t want to talk about this, okay?”

“But nothin’ about this is okay—”

“Just… can you just take me home? Please?”

He hesitates, a growing habit given the prominent tension between the two of you, before finally nodding.

Soon enough you were on his bike, hands wrapped around his waist, albeit reluctant to be there.

“I know you’re not happy with me right now, but you gotta hold on tighter or else you’ll fly right off.”

You take a breath, tightening your grip in a way that made your stomach hurt. You hated being this close to him. It reminded you of all the times he disappointed you. Broke your heart. All of the times he touched you, a feeling you once never wanted to trade for anything else in the world.

“Hold on.”

The bike takes off.

It felt like someone hit ‘fast forward’ on the remote that controlled your life as once you open your eyes, you’re outside your house.

You let go, muttering a ‘thanks’ before hopping off and making your way to your residence.

He watched as you hurriedly marched up the steps.

JJ thought to himself that maybe it would be better for the both of you if he just let go.

➽──────────────❥

“I don’t think i’m hearin’ you right, John B”

JJ felt like his whole body was on fire, and nothing but confirmation from John B that this was just some twisted joke could put out the flames.

“What’s the big deal? It’s just some random girl Sarah used to know in middle school—”

“And you’re saying she’s with Topper?!”

“I should be the one worked up here! It’s my girlfriend’s ex who’s still stuck up on trying to make her jealous!”

JJ rubbed his hands over his face, trying to calm himself because clearly his best friend could recognize something was up.

“Hasn’t he tried that before?”

“I mean… yeah but, this girl? Sarah told me she used to totally be that good girl type, right? Rejecting guys left and right. But then a month ago she completely changed, started getting with a gazillion different guys at different parties. And now all of a sudden she’s dating Topper, even though he doesn’t even try to hide the fact that this is all some elaborate scheme to get Sarah back. He thinks that if he bagged ‘the nice girl’ she’ll have to see what a good guy he is, right? And this girl’s just going along with it because she clearly doesn’t have enough self respect to—”

“Shut the fuck up John B!” JJ snapped. He regretted the words as soon as he said them, but also, who did John B think he was gossiping about you like this was some high school drama? Granted, JJ would’ve usually been all for hearing dirt on kooks before, but you were a different case. “I mean… you shouldn’t talk about shit you don’t know, man”

“…Since when do you have a moral high ground to stand on?”

“Since I… fuck, it doesn’t matter.”

JJ paced, and the brunette’s eyes stayed glued to him the entire time.

“Dude are you like… going through something?”

“No! I mean yes… I mean no! I don’t know!”

His voice cracked and he pulled out a joint. If there was anything JJ could always rely on, it was weed.

“I mean I know I really fucked up but… Topper? She doesn’t even like the guy!”

“Who are you—”

“I gotta go… but you should really stop spreading rumors, John B!”

JJ scurries off, ready to get answers.

Because he’d be damned he was loosing his girl to Topper Thornton of all people.

Nor would he let anyone use you again.

𝓙𝓙 never outright said what was on the tip of his tongue when you first started sleeping with him. But you could read between the lines. This doesn’t mean anything. This is just to get over her. Don’t expect anything else.

It worked for about two weeks and four days. Then you started doing the very thing you weren’t supposed to.

You fell for the son of a bitch.

You don’t know how. He didn’t even like you up until you started this whole arrangement. You were a kook, he was a pogue. Simple as that.

But one night at a kegger you snuck out to, you found the guy throwing a fit, drunk out of his mind. You weren’t too sober yourself, but attempted to comfort him because it seemed like the right thing to do. But before you could process it, he was kissing you. He gave you a look that said ‘don’t ask questions.’ A second later he was fucking you on the beach. It was messy and rough, with your upper body bent over some rock, but sexy as hell with the way he gripped your hair to keep your face down. He didn’t let you up until you both finished.

You thought it was a one time thing. But after another unexpected run in with each other the following week you ended up in his bed, face down and buried into a pillow to muffle the loud noises you didn’t recognize coming from your mouth.

You and JJ had sex most weekends, and some week days if he was feeling extra lonely. At first, you didn’t quite understand the heartbroken look in his beautiful, ocean blue eyes. Had some girl really rejected that smug, annoyingly angelic face? You supposed it was possible, but didn’t seem very likely. JJ was a known player across the island, able to charm his way into a girl’s bed without even having to open his mouth. But you finally figured out the question that had been plaguing your mind the first time you saw him look at Kiara Carrera.

You were, as usual, preforming your weekly routine with him in his bed until you both heard a van pull up outside the house. He muttered a sharp curse under his breath before pulling out to look out the window. Lo and behold John B emerged from the vehicle followed by Sarah, who was followed by Pope, who was followed by her.

You had known the two had a brief fling in the past, but it (according to island gossip) had ended once it started affecting the group. You assumed it didn’t mean anything.

His eyes shifted when they landed on Kiara. Softening briefly, then turning almost panicked and upset as soon as his gaze turned back to you.

“You need to leave right the fuck now.”

“I know but—”

“Now, Y/N.”

“But how am I supposed to—”

“I don’t know! Use that spoiled, kook-y brain and figure it out. She can’t see you here— gah… I-I mean… they can’t see you here. Y’know because… you’re supposed to be the enemy and shit!”

He didn’t cover up the slip up very well. But nonetheless you snuck out the back window, eager to get home so he wouldn’t see how much his words affected you. Hurt you. You tried to tell yourself it was because he didn’t want to be seen with you in front of his friends, but deep down you knew, even though that was part of it, it wasn’t the primary reason.

You knew it was because you wanted him to look at you the way he looked at Kiara. You wanted to be the one his eyes softened at. You wanted to be the one who he would drop everything for at a moment’s notice.

And you never would be.

You tried to tell yourself that every time you came back for more relief that only he could provide. Except each moment spent with him made you fall harder. Each time you spent watching him you noticed the little things, like how he put his hand on his heart when he was stressed or agitated. Or how he always talked with his hands, especially when he was excited about something. Or how just for a second, he’d hold onto you after sex, ever so lightly, and soothe the skin he had been gripping harshly earlier, before letting go.

It made you think that maybe, just maybe, he felt even a fraction of what you felt for him.

But those fantasies disappeared tonight. The blond was currently rutting inside of you, only to start calling a name that wasn’t yours.

One of which that belonged to one of his best friends.

All the pleasure, all the build up your body had been experiencing just a moment ago, vanished in an instant. You went cold.

As tears started staining the pillow that he couldn’t see, you realized why he always had it so that you were face down. Because he didn’t want to look at you.

He wanted to imagine a different face instead.

And at that realization, you couldn’t hold back a pitiful whimper that resulted from trying to hold back even worse sobs.

“Hey… you good?” he asked, casually at first. But then he noticed the way your body was tensed, a stark contrast from seconds ago.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

He sounded slightly more worried now, at the thought that this could be his fault. In a way, it was.

Your body wouldn’t relax, your voice wasn’t immediate to reassure him. He slowed his pace, leaning down to brush your hair out of the way.

And once he did, he noticed the tears on his pillowcase.

“Hey hey hey hey… did I hurt you? What’s wrong? Was I too rough? I didn’t mean… i’m sorry I… sh- shit just tell me what’s wrong…”

You still wouldn’t respond. Wouldn’t move. He pulled out, noting that something had clearly affected you.

“What’s wrong… I can’t help you if I don’t—”

Just as his hand touched your face and he finally noticed just how fast tears were falling, you abruptly pushed him off of you, staggering to find your clothes that were discarded on the floor.

“I don’t understand… was it something I did? Was it the hair pulling? I only did it because I thought you liked it before when I—”

“Fuck you JJ!” you finally shout. The first time you had ever raised your voice at him with so much anger, so much brokenness and hurt.

He froze. Then quickly snapped back.

“Listen I get your upset, but at least i’m trying to figure out what I did wrong here! You’re givin’ me nothing!”

“The fact that you don’t know,” you spat as you yanked your shorts up, “says everything.”

He blinked.

“So the fact that I didn’t know you didn’t like hair pulling is enough reason for you to just storm out with no explanation?! You should’ve told me you didn’t like it weeks ago when I first started doin’ it and then I wouldn’t have—”

“oh my god, this isn’t about the fucking hair pulling JJ!”

He blinked again. Even more confused.

“Then what is it about?” he asked, softer this time. The tone usually would’ve tugged at your heartstrings, but now? It just gave you all the more reason to get the hell out of here.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“It clearly does if you’re—”

“It doesn’t matter JJ,” you finally found the sweater you had been searching for, barely even bothering to properly hook your bra before throwing it over your head.

“because this…” you gestured between the two of you “this is over.”

With each word you spoke, it was as if JJ’s brain cells were struggling to decipher a secret ancient code.

“Why?”

“Because I said so.”

“But—”

“Find someone else to spend the night with you.”

“I don’t want anyone else!” he finally screamed.

“Except for Kiara though, right?”

You hadn’t intended to reveal the reasons for your sudden departure. If he didn’t remember, that was his fault, and not on you to fill in the gaps like his fucking therapist. But your heart was shattering every time your eyes briefly met his, and you didn’t realize what you said until it was too late. His face was pale now, as if the realization of what he had done made him physically sick.

“Y/N/N…”

“Don’t call me that.”

You quickly snatch your keys off of his dresser.

“I didn’t mean—”

“No you didn’t mean JJ, but that’s the fucking problem!” you were freely crying now as you finally faced him fully. “I don’t mean anything to you. I’m just a body to keep you warm at night, right?!”

“Y/N—”

“Did you even know today is my birthday?”

If it was even possible, he looked even more sickly than he had before.

“I… I…”

You had, even in this moment, been hoping he’d say yes. When you came to his house tonight as opposed to getting expensive dinner with your friends, you thought surely he would remember. When he didn’t greet you with a ‘happy birthday’ you just assumed he was playing a joke. Because that’s what JJ did, he liked to joke. It just turns out that the biggest one was on you.

“No… of course you didn’t, because you don’t fucking care about me at all. You wouldn’t care if I-I got ran over by a car on my way home and died on the street I bet. It would just be an inconvenience for you because then you’d have to find a new fuck buddy… well you know what? I’m done being yours okay? I’m done. I can’t do it anymore…”

He approaches slowly, holding himself back from reaching out. From wiping away your ever-so prominent tears. From pulling you into his embrace and letting you cry in his chest until you felt better.

He whispers your name once again. So softly. So tenderly you almost believe it’s real. But then the nights events replayed in your head, like a sick nightmare you couldn’t wake up from.

“I’m done JJ… i’m done…”

With those final, tearful words, you walk out the door. And for the first time since you had started hooking up, JJ is terrified that you won’t come back.

It was only then, that he realized he was far too focused on a pretty face from the past to notice the angel that had been here for him all this time.

And now he lost her. And it was all his fault.

JJ had fucked a lot of things up in his life, but now he had destroyed something that he once thought was so unbreakable.

And more than anything, he wanted to put you back together again.

He vowed if he ever got you back, he would give you the attention and love you deserve.

Love.

He never used that word. Never really knew what it meant, unless he was thinking about his friends. But it wasn’t the consuming, devotional love that they always talked about in movies. That love didn’t exist.

Except it did, because he got to hold it in his arms every weekend. He just realized it too late.

𝓦hen Ward first told Rafe they’d be getting a live-in maid, he was livid. He didn’t want some old stranger who probably lived through both world wars having any access to his private things. He thought this new addition was nothing more than an inconvenience, and now he’d have to start better hiding his coke stash. Just fantastic.

But that opinion quickly changed the minute he first laid eyes on you.

Ward introduced you to himself, Rose, Sarah, and Wheezie all at once. Like you were some new fucking member of the family.

You looked young, maybe around twenty or so. For that reason alone Rose looked at you with somewhat hostility. As if you were some pretty young thing that would try and seduce Ward to take her place and inherit the Cameron fortune. Sarah gave a welcoming smile, that same smile that made everyone on the island feel at ease with her. Wheezie didn’t look very interested. Not because of you, but rather because his fourteen year old sister was always glued to her phone these days. Not that Rafe ever cared.

You smiled softly then looked down again, as if you were nervous one wrong look would have you sent packing. He wondered why you were here, working as a maid for one of the richest families in the Outer Banks and not out living your life. You clearly weren’t in college, or else you wouldn’t have the time to work as a live-in maid. Unless you were taking night classes. But no, judging by your clothes, you probably couldn’t afford it.

In any other circumstance Rafe would’ve hated the idea of a pogue even stepping foot in his home. However the fact that you were not only inside, but planning to live in one of the spare rooms for the foreseeable future, didn’t irritate him at all.

No, it excited him. Like a kid receiving a new toy for good behavior. Not that anything Rafe did was ever considered ‘good behavior’ in his father’s eyes.

The first week he watched you from the shadows. Watched the way your knees were slightly bruised because of the amount of time you spent scrubbing the tiles. Watched how you bent over the counter to get a stubborn stain out, and his creep self wondered what that sight would look like if you were in one of those sexy french maid costumes. Like the ones that were in the magazines under his bed. He watched how you didn’t talk unless spoken to. He guessed it made sense, talking wasn’t in your job description. Even as Sarah kept trying to initiate a conversation with you, your responses were always dry. Not in a mean or condescending way, just… dry. As if you wanted it to seem you had no life outside of this job.

Obviously, Rafe didn’t believe that. You were gorgeous, possessing the kind of natural beauty that didn’t require any makeup or fancy clothes or expensive spa appointments. So he did some digging (what Topper or another one of his idiot friends called stalking) and found your instagram. You barely had any posts, nothing that interested him too much anyway. Except for your most recent one.

A picture of you and that pogue piece of shit JJ motherfucking Maybank smiling cheek to cheek like some goddamn romantic cliche.

At first he thought he was imagining it. There was no way you hung out with the pogues. Well, technically you were one, but still. You seemed too shy to get into the kind of trouble that they did. But sure enough he checked your following list— Kie, Pope, John B, and even his sister’s name all popped up. What a fucking joke.

He asked Sarah about it, and in return she gave him a weird look, presumably for his online stalking habits. She said she didn’t even know you were dating JJ up until a few days ago when JJ finally introduced you, and you two laughed at the irony of the situation, only getting hired by her dad a few days earlier. Rafe wanted to pry more, ask how you and JJ met or how long you had been seeing each other, but he chose to keep his mouth shut. He knew that would only make Sarah suspicious, and you didn’t need to find out how consumed he was by the little details in your life. Not yet at least.

By the second week of your employment at tannyhill, Rafe started his torment. It began with ‘accidentally’ spilling drinks and ordering you to clean it up. Then he started pushing you around, snapping his fingers and making a ‘tsk’ noise as if you were a disobedient dog on a leash. His leash. You were annoyed, but you were very good at hiding it. Rafe didn’t like that.

The third week he had his friends over and the house to himself, which quickly turned into a party consisting of half of Figure 8 as guests. He made you serve the party, all the while kooks were humiliating you left and right simply because of your social status. They did things on purpose to make you get on your hands and knees in front of them, as if it mirrored your place in their world. Yet you didn’t crack the entire night. Rafe was initially shocked it didn’t get to you, but those thoughts quickly faded the next day when Ward called him into his office to give him hell.

So you told on him. Ward wouldn’t admit it, but Rafe knew it was the only thing that could’ve happened. You were clearly pissed at how he and his friends treated you, and this was your way of getting back at him. For a moment he thought it was cute. Sexy even. But then he pictured you laughing about it with JJ, and anger replaced all other previous emotions.

So the fourth week, he broke some very expensive china of Ward’s. The first valuable assets that his father bought after he accumulated his wealth. Ward was always talking about the story, along with some other sentimental bullshit that Rafe never cared to listen to. All he knew was that his father would be deeply upset if anything happened to it.

When you walked in the kitchen and opened your mouth to ask what he was doing, Rafe was yelling. Ward quickly came down, asking what all the noise was about. Rafe didn’t let you get so much as a squeak out. He told Ward some fable about how he came down and you had carelessly broken the china because you were too busy, in his words, flirting with your boyfriend on your phone.

You tried to shake your head, but Ward was already yelling.

It was the first time Ward had ever yelled at you. He was always so calm and understanding with you, but now? He was livid.

Your lower lip trembled, and it was clear as day that you were holding back tears. At one point you almost flinched as if Ward was gonna hit you, and that was when he finally stopped yelling.

“It’s coming out of your paycheck” is all the older man said before storming off, leaving you to clean up the mess.

Rafe was satisfied at seeing the broken look on your face. But not quite satisfied enough.

As you were about to bend down and pick up some of the shards of porcelain he swiftly grabbed your chin, tight enough to bruise. He then leaned in, his lips touching your ear as he told you much worse would happen if you ever tried to sell him out to his dad again.

All you did, all you could do, was nod. After a few seconds went by he let finally go.

The eighth week you were his perfectly submissive personal servant. He had only grown bolder following the incident a month ago. He started going through your phone while you were busy vacuuming, noting times when you were planning to hang out with JJ. Then he’d conveniently have more things you needed to do at the house, so that you barely got to spend time with your boyfriend. Or any of your friends for that matter. And it was exactly that moment when Rafe decided you were his. Even if you didn’t realize it yet.

You were Rafe Cameron’s property. And he didn’t share.