distant dreams and autocorrect

time for a confession a brutally honest confession from the lips of a charming liar who loved many women but never himself and who touched many souls but never his own he is empty and yearning he knows he'll never be whole he knows he'll always be half but he tries and he tries to fill the void to find the other half to love himself as he is to experience himself and embrace his soul but despite all his efforts he still comes up short lacking unfulfilled he drowns himself with his fancies he drowns himself in love in sex in hopeless romanticism he hides within other people's souls touches them softly and sweetly but he shouldn't not when he's like this not when he isn't whole because when he's like this and he touches someone's soul he takes a part of them he steals a piece for himself for his own soul and when he does when he touches people's souls they suffer and then they're wounded missing a piece incomplete just like him he's a disease infecting everyone he knows and loves some of them stay awhile and it isn't pretty they don't realize what he's done and so he keeps doing it they lose more of themselves he takes what's good in them and leaves them bitter, angry, and empty all while he patches himself up and moves on thinking he's okay but everyone knows he's not even he knows but he pretends anyway hoping it'll help but it doesn't because nobody will make him whole again besides himself some people realize that some people see through him the people that do those that realize what he's doing those that realize what he's done they leave hoping they can fix themselves wishing they could hurt him for what he's done but they don't hurt him they want to but they don't because they also realize he's already hurt much worse than they could ever do and that's enough for them it has to be because they don't ever want to be like him

back to being useless that is how i feel after all that happened between us you left me here and now i'm alone maybe that's okay i like being alone or maybe i've just gotten used to it either way learning to be happy and alone is the most important thing because you never know when you'll find yourself here wishing you were with someone and knowing your wish will never come true that's the sad truth that you've made me face and even though i'm angry and sad and crazy and hollow i'm also thankful because without you i may never have had the chance to get to know myself

half awake better yet half asleep my heart and my mind at peace for now until the day begins and my mind realizes my heart plays tricks in my dreams it’s catching on and soon my mind will turn the tables and my heart will ache when i wake only to find out that you are gone that you weren’t there what a cruel joke or perhaps a lovely gift i guess it’s a bit of both isn’t it

late nights dozens of them hundreds, even all filled with distant dreams and autocorrect what does it say about us as people when we can't find the right words but our phones can

don't fight it any longer let your dreams overtake you pull you under lull you softly and menacingly let them be the death of you at least until the sun rises and you become the savior of tomorrow

my eyelids are heavy weight down by grief and exhaustion (among other things) worst and most important of all my eyelids want to shut for good under all of the pressure it may be sad but don't weep because forever is only as long as we say it is