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And that's a good question

Schizoid symptoms and Me

More because I didn't feel like drawing anything else: obligations aren't all equal either, sometimes it's being expected to always be there for someone in their time of need, sometimes it's being expected to keep up the routine of someone else, sometimes it's literally just being expected to respond.

I assume this is how the typical friendship acts, where two people share a mutual bond that pulls each party towards the other. Or rather, the emotional connection/bond.

When someone wishes to create a friendship with me, I'm often forced to be a part of this connection, but I don't feel it. It is not connected to me or my being, it is something I must carry and maintain, it is heavy.

When I can not carry this burden anymore, I drop it. This weighs the emotionally connected person down, and I am a bad person for it. I am not emotionally invested, I will never bond with people the same way, if someone's forces their friendship upon me it feels as though I am forced to hold a grenade with the pin pulled out, clamping down on the handle, and if I get tired it explodes.

Now I am a covert schizoid, high functioning if that's the proper word, and do have friendships like this, where the other person is emotionally invested but doesn't force anything upon me. They don't expect me to care, to want, to understand exactly. They carry the emotional investment for both of us and this allows me room to isolate and avoid engulfment while still experiencing socialization.

I do not like these people, but something something shizoid dilemma it's better than nothing. My closest friendship is one of 6 years who lives in a different state, and who I respond to maybe monthly but visit once a year (give or take). And they never mention this, or demand me to stop being absent.